


His Name Was Seungcheol

by squidling



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Creepy Ex, M/M, Marvel References, Stalking, Suicide mention, alcoholic, also surfer!cheol, also the description may change as i figure out whats goin on, but no actual smut like u can take it as a heated makeout session, characters and side ships are undecided, im bad at descriptions anyways, jihoon rly likes thor, jihoons a nerd, makin this up as i go along mostly, probably gonna have swearing in, sex mention, will add to tags as i go along
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-03-18 00:03:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 46
Words: 69,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13670100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidling/pseuds/squidling
Summary: TRAILER: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlL-Orfo1EQHis name was Soonyoung and he tore Jihoon apart. He was a wreck. He acted like Soonyoung never existed and acted like a ghost. So Minghao takes him to Malibu and suddenly, Jihoon's fallen in love with a surfer.His name was Choi Seungcheol.





	1. fine

**Author's Note:**

> posting this now so that im guilt tripped into continuing. this is a starter thing to kick things off a bit, im not sure what im doing yet but ill find where im going in the next 2 chapters im sure, but apologies in advance

His name was Soonyoung and his eyes shone as bright at the stars. Jihoon could stare into them all day and he would never grow tired. Some mornings it really was all he would do. Soonyoung’s arm would be wrapped around his small figure and the blanket would provide half of their warmth - the other half from each other. It was perfect.

Soonyoung would make breakfast because Jihoon’s cooking often turned out to be disastrous. Soonyoung cooked bacon to perfection, with eggs and sausages on the side. Their mornings were often spent in silence, but it was comfortable. It was soft and it was gentle. It was perfect.

His name was Soonyoung and he tore Jihoon apart. He wasn’t there anymore. Jihoon felt his absence everyday - in the uncomfortable silence, in the skipped breakfasts, in the cold mornings and the freezing nights. Soonyoung’s absence burnt through Jihoon. Thoughts of him felt like cigarette burns all over his skin. So he preferred to act like he never existed. Nothing was perfect.

His name was Soonyoung and he killed a boy named Lee Jihoon.

 

A pale boy’s head lay on the desk. Dark circles decorated the skin beneath his eyes and his hair stuck out in all directions. His breath still stank of liquor from the night before. He hadn’t showered in his recent memory, nor had he slept. But he slept now, light snores escaping his cracked lips.

“Hey, Hoon?” His co-worker in the next cubicle nudged his arm. “Hoon? I don’t think a hundred copies of the letter G is going to make a good article. You should wake up, yeah?”

“Shut up, Junhui,” Jihoon groaned. “I need sleep.”

“You need a good article about the cat that was shipped halfway across the country,” Junhui corrected him. He stared at Jihoon’s screen, which got as far as mentioning the cat’s journey from Busan to Daegu before escalating into a good page filled with the letter G.

Junhui watched Jihoon move his head, and the screen erupted with As. He sighed dramatically. He felt sorry for Jihoon. He was a grumpy grandpa stuck in a tiny twenty-something’s body. He didn’t have much, or have many friends. He was sure he didn’t sleep. Junhui sighed dramatically again, and leaned on Jihoon’s desk with him, invading his personal space. 

“Are you sighing over your travelling boyfriend again?” Jihoon asked before opening his eyes, screaming, gliding back on his chair and slamming into his cubicle wall.

“I’m not even ugly, no need to scream when you see me close up,” Junhui rolled his eyes. “Do you need help on this article?”

“No. I’ve got the information I need. I know that the cat’s called Cupcake, it’s black and white, travelled a few miles in a box and is now fine.”

“It travelled halfway across the country. You have to check your facts. And by the way, her name’s Butterscotch.”

Jihoon shot him a glare, and slowly got back to work. He wished he was in bed rather than typing about some pet in the postage.

Four hours later he was walking home with a cup of coffee in his hand. The hours had felt like days and he had never been happier to leave his cramped office with his weird co-worker. Jihoon padded up five flights of stairs to his studio apartment. When he first moved in, he collapsed in the doorway each time without fail. He was used to it now, but still longingly stared at the broken elevator.

Jihoon’s studio apartment was small. Upon entering, a door led to a tiny bathroom in the corner of the flat. The kitchen was thin, with only room for one person to stand in. An empty bookshelf acted as a divider between the kitchen and the sitting area, which contained a only grey two seater sofa and a few black shelves. Opposite, a small TV sat on a black desk at the end of Jihoon’s small, single bed.

His flat didn’t look lived in - the walls were plain with no pictures and every shelf looked rather lonely, with only a few albums perched upon them here and there. A dead plant remained on the window sill, which was Junhui’s lame attempt to liven up the place from long ago. 

There were empty bottles scattered about. Some smashed, some in tact. Some lay on their sides on the carpet and others stood neatly on a desk, counter or shelf. A few bottles once contained beer, but most had contained vodka. The only thing they all had in common was that Jihoon had consumed every last drop.

The moment Jihoon walked in he threw his coffee to one side and swung the fridge door open. He grabbed a bottle of vodka and collapsed on the sofa. He didn’t bother with a glass and instead took a swig straight from the bottle. His headache seemed to subside the more he drank. The alcohol was his friend, his brain his enemy.

He didn’t know when he turned to alcohol. He had barely touched the stuff until his boyfriend was gone. He discovered it was a good way to discard memories, to be rid of his depression. He would drink so much that he wouldn’t remember anything the next day. It was his way of putting life on hold - but he told himself he wasn’t an alcoholic. Jihoon was fine. It was just a treat.

No one knew. He didn’t let anyone in. And Jihoon had learned to manage his hangovers. He was known for being grumpy anyways - any extra irritability from his migraines went unnoticed. Time and time again. He needed a break. He wasn’t okay.


	2. alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so tired of staring at this here u go enjoy

His name was Lee Jihoon and each of his mornings were the same. His alarm would rudely interrupt his slumber whilst his head pounded more and more the longer he was awake. He’d always put it on snooze, then proceed to oversleep and turn up late to work. He was lucky his boss was too sympathetic, or he’d have no job.

This morning he barely heard his alarm. His lack of rest had caught up with him and he slept through it. Jihoon’s wake up call came in the form of Yoon Jeonghan, someone he’d befriended almost immediately after moving to Seoul.

“Rise and shine, little one,” he hollered. Jihoon groaned. He deeply regretted giving him a key to his apartment as he watched his friend tear open the curtains before forcing Jihoon out of bed.

“I have work,” he grumbled, an attempt to make Jeonghan leave.

“I know, I’m making sure you get there on time,” his friend said, searching in the drawers in Jihoon’s bed for clean clothes. He sniffed a crinkled black shirt and a pair of black trousers before throwing them at Jihoon. As Jihoon half heartedly got changed, Jeonghan got him an aspirin and a glass of water. 

Jeonghan was the only one who knew about Jihoon’s drinking habits. He chose to ignore it because he wanted to think Jihoon was fine. Deep down he knew that wasn’t the truth.

Every visit, Jeonghan ignored the numerous bottles scattered about. He stayed silent as he cleaned up Jihoon’s mess, never bothering to check in with the mess that Jihoon was himself. Jihoon was grateful - he didn’t want to talk about it. 

Once Jeonghan had deemed Jihoon socially acceptable (except the converse mismatched with his blazerless suit), he dragged him downstairs and into his black Toyota Aygo.

“Do you still work with Junhui?” Jeonghan tried to make small talk, but Jihoon only nodded. “Is he doing good?” Jihoon nodded again and his friend gave up. The one good part of the drive was that it was some extra time to ease his headache.

Jihoon was eager to be rid of Jeonghan because he had a tendency to be over-motherly, but he was ironically held back another minute as Jeonghan tied his tie for him. Jihoon could do it himself, but it always took him in several tries so he normally just threw it around his neck and got his co-worker to tie it. Jeonghan then insisted on a hug before letting Jihoon go in.

“Whoa!” Junhui exclaimed as Jihoon sat down at his desk. He raised an eyebrow. “Jihoon, it’s 9am!”

“I’m really pleased you can tell the time, Jun,” Jihoon remarked. “I know you’ve struggled with it for a while.”

“I haven’t known you to be on time since...the first month you worked here!”

“Yeah, I’m not happy about it either,” Jihoon started his computer up and leaned back in his chair whilst it loaded. He shut his eyes for a minute, hoping to fall asleep. He could feel his co-worker watching him but he didn’t move.

“You need a break,” he said. Jihoon grunted. “A good, long break.”

“And why do you think that?” Jihoon asked as he logged on to his computer. He tapped his fingers on his desk, watching the icons on his desktop pop up.

“Dude!” Junhui slammed his hands on the desk and earned a few looks. He ignored them. “Just one _look _at you and you can tell that you’re exhausted.”__

____

“You’re wrong. I’m doing just fine,” Jihoon brushed him off. He focused on the email he had received from his boss for what his next piece of work would be about.

____

“You should-”

____

“No can do, I’ve got an article about some costumed straw men to write,” Jihoon cut him off and began searching for his facts. It was times like this that Junhui was glad they had a shared cubicle. He rested his chin on his palm and stared intensely at the younger boy.

____

He watched Jihoon’s eyes scan his screen and flick his dark hair out of his eyes. The boy was in need of a haircut. It tickled his eyelids and he kept having to push it out of the way. He was also desperately trying not to look at his co worker.

____

“Jun, you can stop staring now. It’s creepy.”

____

Jun continued staring and initiated a conversation in classic Junhui style. “You know my boyfriend?”

____

“The one with a mullet?”

____

“I-yes,” Junhui confirmed with a sigh. Jihoon snorted. “You can’t diss it, you had one first! Anyway, he’s going to Malibu next week.”

____

“First of all, my mullet was better and is also now dead. Secondly, good for mullet man.”

____

“And the two of us agreed you should go with him.”

____

Jihoon paused from inserting photos of men dressed as bags of straw and turned to look at his co-worker. He blinked. Junhui grinned. A sparkle was in his eye. He had captured the boy’s attention.

____

“Malibu?”

____

“For two weeks,” Junhui’s smile reached his ears. He could tell that Jihoon was hooked. He would never do adventurous anything on his own, and thus his tedious, unhealthy circle.

____

“But I don’t really talk to your mullety boyfriend anymore,” 

____

“That’s alright, Jeonghan’s going too.”

____

Jihoon tilted his head. He considered it. But he would need time off work, as well as money for the flight and the hotel. Above all, wouldn’t a two week holiday with someone he barely spoke to be weird? Of course Jeonghan would be there - why was Jeonghan even going?

____

Junhui could see the cogs turning in Jihoon’s brain. “Jeonghan’s paying for himself, and Minghao says he can pay for you. His job has high pay, it’s not a problem. He’s got a little house for two weeks on the coast. It’ll be fun.”

____

“I might be able to pay for myself…” Jihoon thought out loud, “...is Jeonghan even close to Minghao?”

____

“Idiot, he introduced us. So yeah, they’re close. I’ll tell Minghao you said yes.”

____

That afternoon Jihoon timidly knocked on his boss’ office door. His boss happily obliged for Jihoon to take two weeks off - “because you don’t normally take any holiday”. That was one thing off the checklist. 

____

Jihoon found that he was actually looking forward to a holiday. He hated his flat. He hated Seoul. He had a few less drinks that evening, looking forward for two weeks out of the mess he created.

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry the endings a mess it is 1:30am


	3. malibu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imso sorry this chapters a mess im not too sure what im doing,, sorry if it seems rushed!!!! it also wasnt proofread as many times as usual so its probably a wreck

His name was Lee Jihoon and he now stood in LAX, watching people’s luggage go by and praying that the next black suitcase had a red label reading his name in black sharpie. Jeonghan stood beside him, having already retrieved his suitcase, and was now allowing a tired Jihoon to sleepily lean on him. He was drained from the flight. His eyes were closed when his luggage finally decided to show up. His friend nearly knocked him over as he rushed to retrieve it for him.

Minghao promised to wait for them at the airport, but LAX was huge so it was essentially a hopeless search. Both boys regretted not agreeing on a meeting point - or maybe they did, but they were too jetlagged to remember it.

“Look for the mullet,” Jihoon mumbled. It was his only guidance. Jeonghan stretched onto his tip toes and looked around. 

“I say this with deep regret, but there are several men with mullets.”

“Are any of them skinny asians with dirty blonde hair?”

“Nah, they’re middle aged men, probably from Texas,” Jeonghan stifled a laugh and continued dragging Jihoon around. The younger looked like a zombie - his newly dyed hair was messy and needed a brush. 

After a long ten minutes, Jeonghan hoisted Jihoon onto his back. The elder was beginning to feel his arms burn when Jihoon yelled out, tried to wave, yet lost his energy half way through and let his hand flop. Minghao came bounding over, apologising for taking so long. Jihoon now stumbled on his own two feet. He stared at Minghao in a daze. They had never actually met in real life before, only facetimed very briefly one day at work, when Junhui left his phone with Jihoon whilst he grabbed a coffee.

“It’s great to finally meet you, Hoon,” Minghao said kindly as they hopped into his rented audi.

“Please set low expectations,” Jihoon mumbled, his head already lolling against the car window, “it becomes less great.”

The drive to the holiday house was long and spent in traffic. Jihoon dozed on and off, only awoken by car horns from the impatient drivers, who appeared to have somehow not expected any delay. Minghao played the Arctic Monkeys, and this immediately earned Jihoon’s approval. He was big into music when he was younger. As he grew older it faded away, much like many other things that he once loved. 

Minghao was a photojournalist. His job included his travel blog, which Jihoon would read it from time to time, whenever he was sober. He was glad he did because Minghao was sometimes all Junhui would talk about. On the rare days that Junhui was in a bad mood, it was because he missed his boyfriend. 

Jihoon envied Minghao. He could travel as his profession and just take photos to write about. When he wanted to come home he had someone that he loved waiting for him.

Jeonghan had actually been surprised when Jihoon told him he had agreed to go to Malibu. Jihoon was also surprised when he found that he didn’t want to argue against going when Junhui brought it up. He was tired. He was bored. He needed new things to try. Or maybe he just didn’t care. Maybe he was tired, but to the point where he couldn’t say no. Maybe he just didn’t, or couldn’t, care anymore. 

“Jihoon likes your mullet,” Jeonghan initiated conversation. “He thinks it’s very…” He waved his hand in circular motion, searching for a polite term.

“Confident?” Minghao suggested. “Abstract? Squirrel like? I’ve had many, many comments.”

“Abstract’s a good word,” Jihoon said sleepily. It was possibly the nicest way to put it. Apparently he had once phoned Jeonghan and started rambling about Minghao’s mullet - he was too drunk to remember anything of it, but he knew he was a very honest person under the influence of alcohol. 

They reached their holiday home an hour later. Its walls were decorated with white panels, with large windows and beige decking. As Minghao unlocked the door, Jihoon saw that it was mostly grey inside. The living room was spacious, with pale sofas and flowers on the large coffee table. There was a big TV and a piano sat in the corner, waiting to be played. A wall with a glass door divided the living space and the kitchen. Even the kitchen was huge.

The decking outside lead onto the beach. A mixture of hanging lights and suspended plants hung from the ceiling, which was actually the bottom of a balcony. It was gorgeous. It was heaven.

Jihoon picked his room and barely looked at it before falling onto the (double!) bed. He almost lost himself as he dug beneath the cool sheets. Jihoon had never known luxury like it. He had never been on holiday outside of Korea before. He was too tired to acknowledge much, though, and within seconds he was softly snoring.

His head was a cloud of confusion upon waking. Where was he? This wasn’t his bed. Nothing felt familiar. It took a whole nerve-wracking minute for him to realise he was in Malibu - on _holiday _.__

__Jihoon got out of bed and jogged downstairs. The living room was empty. The kitchen was, too. He began to panic. Had they abandoned him? Surely there was a note somewhere, or a text...then he heard yelling and realised they were just outside. He followed suit and let his toes bathe in the hot sand, watching his friends in the water._ _

__The sun beat down on the water and it sparkled magnificently. Jihoon saw Minghao’s professional camera on the wooden table, and gingerly picked it up. He focused the lens and captured the moment - Jeonghan and Minghao splashing sea water in each others faces, laughing gleefully, simply enjoying living._ _

__“How nice of you to join us!” Jeonghan called out as Jihoon delicately placed the camera where he had found it._ _

__“Aren’t you tired?” He asked, moving closer to the ocean. He let the cold water lick his toes._ _

__“I slept on the flight,” Jeonghan told him as Minghao continued to splash him. He quickly turned around and returned the favor, getting water in his face and laughing._ _

__Jihoon wasn’t a fan of the sea. He had never waded more than waist deep into it, scared of what was beyond. He didn’t like not knowing what was out there. He watched instead and perched his rear on one of the many deck chairs._ _

__He liked watching others. It gave him a sense of living, even if he wasn’t doing anything himself. Normally he just existed. He was just there. He wallowed in his sadness and had too many drinks to forget it. To forget him. He didn’t want to remember Soonyoung._ _

__But the next two weeks would be different. He was no longer in a city that reminded him of Soonyoung. He was far, far away. Something made him want to remember Malibu. For the first time in three years, watching Jeonghan and Minghao play, Jihoon had a good feeling._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my chapters always get a little dark as i try round it all up so i tried to make it a bit more positive??? dont know if it worked?? ANYWAYS thank u for reading ur comments always make my day


	4. piers suck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isnt rly proofread like i just glanced at the last of it im sorry but its 3:44am  
> im gonna try write longer chapters, but at the moment i update frequently and shorter 1k word chapters help that?? my writin schedule is literally like. 9pm-3am so ill change that and get some longer chapters!!

His name was Yoon Jeonghan and he bounded out of the house with a huge smile plastered on his face. Behind him followed a groggy Jihoon and calm Minghao. Jeonghan was a ringleader, rounding his friends up, intent on sightseeing.

Jihoon trailed a little way behind his friends, barely looking where he was going and looking like a toddler pulled out of bed. He was half asleep and found that he had to keep mumbling apologies to strangers he bumped into. 

Jeonghan smiled each time he looked back to check Jihoon was still there. His sweater reached past his hands for protection against the morning chill and his little legs were shown off by his white shorts. His socks were pulled up past his ankles and as always, he sported his worn out converse. He really did look like a child with his little rucksack. Minghao snapped a picture as soon as a bit of space cleared around him.

“We should go the pier!” Jeonghan exclaimed.

“Oh boy,” Jihoon muttered sarcastically and rubbed sleep out of his eyes.

“We could get a harbor tour,” Minghao agreed. “I’ll get some good pictures.” 

Jihoon trailed further and further behind as he grew closer to falling asleep whilst standing up. Jeonghan and Minghao had to wait for him, then take his hand and pull him along. Jihoon didn’t even want to go to the pier. He dragged his feet to make a point of it. 

“Jihoon!” Minghao yelled. Jihoon jumped. “Stand there. There. Right there. No, no, not there. To the left. Bit more. Too much.”

Minghao jogged over and moved Jihoon into position on the pier. He angled his arm onto the railing, stepped back, ordered him to say cheese and got his perfect picture.

“Did you have to?” Jihoon grumbled. Minghao nodded as he admired his photograph.

“You look good,” he told him. Jeonghan happily agreed and said he could be a model if he was taller. The comment made Jihoon scowl. He wasn’t sure what he came here for, but he knew it wasn’t to model and be picked on.

Jihoon had a habit of constantly looking at his feet as he walked. He didn’t like it right now. He could see the ocean between the planks of wood on the pier. He remembered feeling like he would fall through when he was a kid, especially when his tiny feet tripped. Now, as an adult, he had discovered that that feeling became more regular, even when you were on solid ground.

Jihoon despised the entire harbour tour. He glared at Jeonghan for a solid three minutes, and Minghao made sure to get a picture of it in between the scenic sea views. 

“Doesn’t all your scowling make your face hurt?” Minghao asked with a laugh.

“My face is numb.”

“I can’t believe I paid fifty dollars for you to glower at landscapes,” Jeonghan mumbled. Jihoon shrugged. He had asked to stay behind. This was on him.

Minghao was amazed by the small boy. He really was a grandpa. He wondered how so many negative emotions could fit into a skinny, 5’5 man.

When the boat tour had ended, the trio decided to treat themselves to ice cream. Well, more like Minghao and Jeonghan dragged Jihoon into an expensive ice cream parlour and forced him to pick a flavor. As soon as he walked in he knew what he wanted, but Jeonghan made a big show of it whilst Minghao chose within a minute. The eldest remained with his face pressed against the glass, staring wide eyed at the different flavors the store had to offer.

“I think I’ll have…” Jeonghan hummed. Jihoon huffed. 

Whilst Jeonghan made his final decision, Minghao mumbled to Jihoon. “I think whilst he chooses, we should head to L.A to that one ice cream shop that sells charcoal ice cream.”

“Why?”

“Seems right up your street,” Minghao grinned as Jeonghan finally ordered his ice cream.

A few minutes later, Jihoon had almost finished his one scoop vanilla ice cream. The eldest friend had only chosen one scoop of bubblegum flavor, which left Jihoon even more exasperated by his dramatic choosing ceremony. You could tell he had a minor in theatre.

Jihoon was the last to get up off of the bench, so Minghao once again took the opportunity to take a photo. The small boy sighed.

The next horror Jeonghan decided to drag him through was a bike ride through the streets. Jihoon really, really wanted to get back to bed, but his travel buddies wouldn’t hear of it. So he had no choice but to pick out a bike to rent for the day for god knows what cost, and pedal alongside them. 

“I like your bicycle’s basket, mullet man,” Jihoon commented. Minghao gave him a look as he placed his camera inside the weave basket on the front of his bike.

“It’s efficient,” he argued.

“Okay, mullet man.” 

Minghao muttered something about his hair looking good before kicking himself off, gliding along the path with the wind in his hair. He longed to rush ahead, stop and take more photographs, but he had a feeling Jihoon would throw his camera into the ocean. Afterall, photos of his friends didn’t quite count as a part of his work.

Minghao liked taking photos of Jihoon because he had never met anyone like him. He had a resting glare and a permanent grudge against the world. He had found that yesterday, his tiredness had watered down his grumpiness. Jihoon made him smile. He had heard a lot about him from Junhui, but Junhui had been a bit too negative about him. Yes, he was irritable and short tempered, but Minghao found it funny rather than frustrating.

Jihoon also made Minghao a little bit sad. There was no light behind his eyes. He wondered how broken he was, but he was determined to see past it. He was quickly becoming fond of him, even if he did enjoy making fun of his hair. At least something made him laugh.

That evening the three treated themselves to a burger kitchen. Jihoon could only manage half his plate, insisting that he felt sick. He clearly wasn’t used to much food. Jeonghan began to show his motherly side and prodded Jihoon’s thin face.

“We’ll fatten you up whilst you’re here,” Jeonghan said. “You need it.” Jihoon didn’t even have enough energy to dismiss his comment. They called a cab back to their house to avoid him falling asleep in the streets of Malibu.

Jihoon’s bed felt like heaven. He didn’t bother undressing and instead climbed in between the thin sheets, falling asleep within seconds. He dreamt of him that night. It woke him up so he wondered out to the balcony. He curled up in a deck chair and gazed up at the stars. Jihoon wondered what it would be like to be a star - staring down at everyone, watching some people propose, get married, as well as go through break ups and ruin their own lives.

In a rare sense of peace, Jihoon slept beneath the night sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont rly know what to write abt bc im not sure what to do before introducing cheol so maybe cheol next chapter OoOOo  
> ANYWAYS  
> thank you for reading have a lovely day/night/life


	5. surfer dude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a mess bc its 3am i wrote it in 3 hours and im TIRED

His name was Lee Jihoon and he was dreading the day ahead of him. Jeonghan’s soft hands were vigorously lathering Jihoon’s arms with sunscreen. Jihoon didn’t care if he burnt or not and wished Jeonghan would leave him to look after himself, rather than be treated like a child.

Today’s plan was an entire day at the beach. It was worse than the pier. Despite being raised in Busan, Jihoon hated the seaside. The most he could handle was standing in the sand for a few minutes, feet in the ocean if he was feeling festive, before he desperately wanted to go home. He used to like them. Once upon a time.

Jeonghan chucked Jihoon’s shirt at him as soon as he had finished coating him with sunscreen. Jihoon hadn’t said anything all morning. It was his way of protesting the beach.

“It’s gonna be fun,” Minghao insisted cheerfully. “We can swim, or sunbathe, eat ice cream…” Jihoon simply glared.

Jeonghan held Jihoon’s hand on their on the way out of the house and to Minghao’s rented car. He held a tight grip and quite frankly, Jihoon was pissed off about it. He tore away from him as soon as they reached the car, still grumbling when he climbed in the back seat.

“The garden at the house is a beach, could we not have stayed there?” Jihoon asked. Jeonghan rolled his eyes. 

“We could learn to surf here,” Minghao exclaimed as they drew closer to their destination. “I read that there’s pretty good instructors. Do you want to surf, Hoon?”

“Do I look like I want to surf?”

Minghao glanced in the mirror. He saw Jihoon’s pale face. He looked tired and just a little bit angry. Others would perhaps call it ‘fuming’.

“Point taken,” he said.

The hot sun beat down on their heads when they arrived. The pier stared at Jihoon and he glared at it, before glaring down at the sand, the water and the sky. Minghao watched him. It made him laugh so Jihoon glared at him too.

Jeonghan looked very motherly as he flapped a plaid blanket out in the air before letting it rest on the golden sand. He made sure to smooth it out and place a few books from his bag on the corners. He knew this was a day of hell for Jihoon so he thought they might as well have a decent blanket with as little sand as possible. 

As expected, Jihoon immediately sat down, his little legs crossed over each other. Jeonghan smiled fondly and nodded at Minghao. Minghao knelt on one knee, angled his camera and took his thousandth photo of Jihoon in just three days. Jihoon had gotten used to it and now chose to ignore it. Afterall, he didn’t care.

As the day went on, Jihoon grew more and more irritated. He lay back, sat up, read one of Jeonghan’s books (they were shit), read one of Minghao’s old blog posts on his phone (slightly less shit) before sighing loudly declaring that he hated the beach. Jeonghan nodded.

“I know-hey! No need to throw a whole book at me!”

“I’m not going to throw half of a book at you, am I?” Jihoon glowered. Minghao chuckled and quickly earned himself a book, too.

The small boy began watching some kids play nearby. They were giggling and squealing, and were also building sandcastles too close to the shore. Jihoon counted down the seconds before the water came and crushed the newest ones.

He wished he was a kid sometimes. Those two children’s biggest worry in that moment was about having to rebuild a sand structure. Jihoon had bills. A job. And, deep down, he knew he needed to get his life together. But currently his life was on hold. He wasn’t being grumpy in Seoul. He was being grumpy in Malibu instead. And he wasn’t being sarcastic with Junhui in an office, either. Jihoon was being sarcastic with Junhui’s boyfriend. In Malibu.

Jihoon was brought back to Earth when Minghao and Jeonghan started exclaiming in awe. He looked around to see what they were talking about.

“Did you seriously miss that surfer, Hoon?” Jeonghan gasped. “He was doing a couple of spins.”

“He’s so cool!” Minghao exclaimed. The Chinese boy was inspired. Jihoon rolled his eyes and watched the surfer Jeonghan had pointed to catch the upcoming wave. He was good. But Jihoon had a reputation to uphold, so he mumbled a “whatever” and chose not to care.

Something made him want to watch. He didn’t know why. He wasn’t interested in surfing. Hell, he didn’t even like the beach. But something had hooked him and he was being reeled in. Jihoon was mesmerised. But Minghao got a picture of him staring so he lay down and shut his eyes, as though he had never cared at all.

When he next opened his eyes, he realised he had fallen asleep. He groaned and rubbed his eyes, wondering how long he had been sleeping for. He hoped it wasn’t long.

“Hey, kiddo, are you alright?”

Jihoon looked over to his left. Someone he didn’t know was looking down at him.

“If you think I’m a kid, you’re wrong,” he muttered. “I’m twenty four.”

“Shit, sorry,” the man went red. He felt bad. “I thought you were fourteen or something.”

“I’ve been mistaken for younger,” Jihoon sat up. He stared at the stranger. His heart skipped a beat. It was the surfer Minghao had been admiring.

“I thought you were a lost teen or something,” the surfer explained. “So I thought I’d check if you were alright. You looked a bit dead.” Jihoon blamed that on his pale skin and dark circles beneath his eyes.

“Thanks,” he said. The surfer immediately apologised. The two sat in silence for another thirty seconds.

Jihoon couldn’t help but admire the surfer. His wetsuit was folded at the waist, leaving him topless with his defined muscles on display. He had washboard abs and biceps. Jihoon was impressed.

“Jihoon!”

He groaned as Jeonghan and Minghao rejoined him. They both held ice cream in their hands.

“You’re socialising!” Jeonghan couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Yeah, he thought I was fourteen,” Jihoon said. Minghao choked on his ice cream cone. “He’s the surfer from earlier.” Minghao choked again and Jeonghan slapped his back.

“You were so good!” He exclaimed, unable to hide his excitement. 

“I’m actually a part time instructor, if you’d like lessons.” Minghao nodded eagerly, practically throwing his phone at the surfer for his number.

Jihoon watched him enter his number under a new contact; Seungcheol. A beautiful name for a beautiful man, Jihoon’s subconscious decided. His eyelashes were glorious and little beads of salt water still sat on his caramel skin. They shone like lights in the sun. As he handed Minghao’s phone back, the two made eye contact. Jihoon hadn’t been lost in someone’s eyes for years.

“I’ll see you around.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cheollies finally here!!!!!! im excited i hope u guys are too  
> thaknk u for readin this mess i rly appreicate it!!!!!!


	6. pretty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what  
> its 1:38am, im getting up for school at 7 and therefore this isnt proofread!!! i mean. i glanced at it. i brushed over it. and i did edit the last few paragraphs but thats as good as it gets so  
> enjoy

HIs name was Yoon Jeonghan and he was incredibly intrigued by yesterday’s events. He thought if anyone was going to introduce the others to someone new, it would’ve been Minghao. Sure, Jihoon didn’t even mean to meet the surfer, but he was still excited. Jeonghan had also noticed that Jihoon’s glare was weaker when he looked at him.

“You liked him, didn’t you?” Jeonghan grinned. He was on the verge of hyperventilating. “Hoonie made a friend!”

“He thought I was a kid.”

“A surfer friend!”

“He said I looked dead.” 

Minghao watched the conversation unfold, quite amused by the whole event. There was a spark in Jeonghan’s eye and even Jihoon looked slightly less grouchy. 

“You should get lessons from him too, Hoon,” the photographer suggested. Jihoon’s lour made a comeback. If looks could kill, Minghao would’ve died five times already.

“Once again, do I look like I want to surf?”

Minghao sighed. Convincing people wasn’t his strongest point, but he tried one last weak attempt. “But he’s cute.”

“I don’t care if he’s cute, I’m not surfing.”

Jeonghan knocked a glass over. It dramatically shattered on the kitchen island and he barely paid any attention. He stared at Jihoon with big, round eyes. They shone.

“You didn’t deny it!”

Jihoon groaned and took his backpack off of the counter. He swung it onto his shoulders, making a point to whack Jeonghan with it, and left the room. He could hear Jeonghan insist that Jihoon thought Seungcheol was cute when he shut the front door.

“I don’t think anyone’s cute,” he muttered to himself with a stamp in his step. “Seungcheol’s on the hot side.”

Jihoon wandered through the streets alone. He wasn’t sure where he was going - he just let his little legs take him anywhere. It was a frequent passtime for him in Seoul, but the difference was that he always ended up somewhere familiar back home. In Malibu everywhere was strange and unfamiliar. Every step could’ve been another step towards an adventure. Jihoon just wasn’t cheerful enough for it.

As always, it was a hot day. It was to Jeonghan’s horror that Jihoon wore no sunscreen. It felt like his neck and arms were burning but he easily chose to ignore it. He couldn’t care less. 

Jihoon took the opportunity to admire his surroundings. The path that lay beneath him was sandwiched between a luscious patch of grass, decorated with tall and somewhat unruly palm trees, and a variety of small, family run businesses, mainly souvenir stalls or fast food. He saw people passing him freely, families buying ice cream together, friends laughing and taking photographs, and the occasional surfer of course. 

As he continued walking down the wide and busy footpath, Jihoon felt like he was dreaming. The sun gave the scene around him a soft, romantic atmosphere, almost like a filter on Instagram. The golden tint of the sun gave his skin a rare gorgeous, natural glow, as the soft breeze brushed its way through his hair.

The boy found himself at a wall that divided the path and the sand. He climbed over the railing on top, perched upon it, overlooking the glistening sea. Jihoon allowed himself to close his eyes and just for a moment, he was completely at peace.

“Hey, kiddo!”

Seungcheol rested his surfboard against the wall before effortlessly jumping up, climbing up the metal railings and sitting next to Jihoon. His dark hair fell gorgeously upon his forehead, flicking perfectly against his eyebrows. Once again he wore his wetsuit, only this time it hid his muscles. 

“Hey,” Jihoon greeted plainly. 

“You looked lonely,” Seungcheol grinned at him. He had a friendly spark in his eye.

“I wasn’t,” Jihoon said. “I like being on my own.”

“May I still join you?” Jihoon shrugged. Seungcheol was happy enough. He kicked his legs beneath him, despite his bare heels bashing against the wall.

The silence between Jihoon and another stranger would’ve been striking. It would’ve made Jihoon want to run away, but at that moment, he was comfortable. It was a calm quiet. It would’ve made him feel warm, had it not been for the hot California weather.

But the longer the silence went on, the more awkward it became. They shared odd glances. Jihoon was beginning to turn red.

“So how’s your day going?” Seungcheol finally piped up. Jihoon breathed a sigh of relief.

“Terrible.”

Seungcheol pouted his plump lips ever so slightly and Jihoon’s heart fluttered. “How come?”

“My friends keep pestering me.”

“Get new friends,” Seungcheol laughed. His laughter was a beautiful melody; the best melody Jihoon had ever heard. “They seemed nice yesterday.”

“That’s how they reel you in.” Another laugh. Jihoon disguised his smile by rubbing his nose.

“I’m teaching Hao to surf this evening,” Seungcheol mentioned happily. “You can join us, if you like.” Jihoon groaned. Another surfing offer. He was starting to wonder if he would ever hear the end of it.

“I’m fantastic without, thanks,” was all he said. He would’ve loved to spend time with Seungcheol. He just would prefer it without Minghao. And not in the looming ocean.

Seungcheol looked out to sea and Jihoon wished he had Minghao around. He would’ve captured Seungcheol’s beauty perfectly - the way the sun highlighted his cheek bones, his copper eyes and his tinted lips. The way his damp hair sat perfectly upon his forehead, and the way his long eyelashes fluttered as he blinked. He was gorgeous. There was no doubt about it.

Seungcheol saw Jihoon in the same way. When he saw him for the first time, he hadn’t seen a fourteen year old. It was the first excuse of wandering over that entered his head. Jihoon was asleep, laying on a red blanket. His little legs gave away his lack of height. He looked a bit ill and out of place, what with him not even in swimwear on a Malibu beach, as well as his skin resembling a ghost. It wasn’t until today in the golden sun, looking a bit more alive, that Seungcheol saw just how beautiful he was.

He was beautiful, but at the same time, he looked unwell. His cheekbones were hollow and his jawline sharp. Jihoon’s eyes were black with no light behind them. His hair hadn’t been styled, only colored. Seungcheol wanted to protect him, make sure he was alright, make sure he was eating. Maybe that was why he had been so drawn to him the afternoon before. It was why he found himself kneeling down beside him like a guard dog on watch. It wasn’t because he looked lost. He saw Jihoon and only saw his beauty.

When he was asleep, he had looked much youthful. He was so beautiful in that moment and yet, so unaware of it. As soon as he had fully woken up, his maturity showed. Perhaps it was in the scowl or the prominent dark circles. How could someone look so stunning and yet so tired, so exhausted, so...dead?

He wanted to look after him. He wanted to be sure he was okay. Most of all, he just wanted to see a flame behind Jihoon’s eyes burn brighter than the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does the end make sense? idk   
> my pal helped me with some description of the streets for this one shoutout to her i love her very much  
> ANywAyS thank u for having faith in me and reading this far and commenting and all that jazz!!!  
> updates may slow down?? probably?? schools starting again (we had a week off @ all u non brits its called a half term) but then i also dont start writing until like 9pm anyways so idk how thats gonna effect it  
> anyways thNAK You AgAIn


	7. it was fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is this??? I DONT KNOW  
> i had like 5 hours sleep and i can normally function on that when im used to it but i lay in bed all afternoon and evening and then spent like. 3 hours writing on and off?? and i only got 1k words out of it i hate myself im sorry i really am trying  
> im gonna start aiming for 1.5k then 2k as the story actually kicks off, and it will sooon!!! anwyays enJOY THE CHAPTER

His name was Lee Jihoon and he felt extremely uncomfortable. He was sat on the beach, without a blanket beneath him. The sand’s texture against his skin caused him to cringe and he hated it. However, just a couple metres away, was Seungcheol. Minghao was balancing on his rented surfboard in the sand and Seungcheol was guiding him.

Jihoon was in charge of Minghao’s camera. The responsibility scared him, but it was a good excuse to get Seungcheol in photos. He hadn’t taken any yet. He was terrified to drop what Minghao’s job depended on. But as the sun began to set, the lighting was perfect, so Jihoon switched it on and watched the lens pop out.

“Jihoon!” Minghao yelled. Jihoon panicked and switched it off. As the lens closed again, it was accompanied by a sound. Jihoon looked bewildered. Minghao just laughed at him. “I was going to lecture you on your shittily assessed angle, not for touching my camera. Get up.”

Jihoon did as he was told and began circling around, experimenting with different angles and levels as Minghao told him to do. They were like father and son, except the son had the personality of a grandpa.

Eventually Jihoon found a sweet spot. He stood on his tip toes and angled the camera ever so lightly. The sunshine highlighted Minghao’s cheekbones, as well as Seungcheol’s. Although both men had dark eyes, they looked like chocolate in the camera’s lense. Minghao’s were full of concentration and Seungcheol was grinning like a cheshire cat. Jihoon happily admired his picture. 

The evening was peaceful without Jeonghan. Jihoon couldn’t decide if he liked it or not. Although he always bullied Jeonghan or brushed him off, he really appreciated him. He was the only one who really knew who he was. He had seen him in all his lows as well as his highs. Not that there were many anymore. But Jeonghan looked after him. He didn’t question anything. If Jihoon didn’t want to talk about something, Jeonghan knew and never pressed anything. The only exception recently was his love life, because Jeonghan loved gossip and decided Jihoon was love deprived.

His mind wandered to Seungcheol. He watched him and admired him for a few minutes. He had big hands and they looked surprisingly soft. Jihoon wanted to hold them in his own, dainty ones. He made eye contact with the surfer and blushed furiously, turning his back and taking photos of the beach instead.

“You know, you really suck at hiding crushes,” Minghao mumbled after the lesson, when Seungcheol was returning Minghao’s board to the nearby surf store. Jihoon glared.

“I don’t have a crush.”

“You do,” Minghao grinned. “It’s cute.”

“I’m not cute!”  
“You are cute,” Seungcheol agreed, approaching the two again. Jihoon could feel the blood rush to his face. “What are we talking about?”

“Jihoon’s crush,” the Chinese boy told him. Jihoon could’ve sworn he saw a flash of disappointment across Seungcheol’s face. He shook it off. He was being hopeful. He was imagining it.

It had been a full week since Jihoon had come to Malibu. He was disappointed that he only had a week to go. A whole week through his trip. So far all he had done was grumble and complain, refusing to do anything fun. Jeonghan and Minghao were heading out to Los Angeles the next day, and Jihoon was staying behind. He thought his friends would prefer it without him. Jeonghan would tag behind with Jihoon, thus missing out on his own night of entertainment. It had happened before, when Jihoon’s friends forced him out after Soonyoung left. Jihoon had decided long ago it would be easier without him, and he drank the thoughts away.

His eyes widened. He hadn’t had a drink in a week. He knew it subconsciously but it had never really sunk in. Jihoon couldn’t decide if he was pleased or if he wanted to go out. He hadn’t even thought of Soonyoung much that week. 

But his ex boyfriend was there. He was always there. He was in the back of his head, as well as every park, every restaurant, every theme park back in Seoul. He had left a huge scar on Jihoon. You didn’t quickly forget someone like Soonyoung.

“Kiddo?” Seungcheol’s hand was suddenly in front of Jihoon’s face. He blinked a few times and looked up at him. “Hey, welcome to Earth! I asked if you wanted to go to a party with me tomorrow night.”

“A party?”

“Yeah, with me and a few friends. I’ll pick you up at eight?” Seungcheol looked hopeful. Minghao was grinning at Jihoon. Encouraging him.

“Alright.”

It was almost like Seungcheol had read his mind. A night out. Lee Jihoon at a party in Malibu. With a _surfer _. He knew Junhui would never believe it. Jeonghan would never believe it. Even Jihoon didn’t believe it. He wondered if Seungcheol was mocking him.__

__But a part of Jihoon knew that he shouldn’t go. He would get drunk. He would tell Seungcheol everything. He would be an open book, rather than closed, taped shut, and shoved into the bottom of a box, placed in the attic and forgotten about._ _

__But then he wouldn’t remember any of it. A week later, Jihoon would leave Seungcheol behind in Malibu and forget about him within a few years. What would it matter? And anyways, what did Jihoon have to lose? He wasn’t anything. Seungcheol didn’t care about him. They had no relationship. What did Jihoon have to lose? Some surfer’s thoughts? It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter._ _

__Nothing mattered. It was fine. Sure, maybe Jihoon was depressed. It was fine. Maybe Jihoon was an alcoholic. It was fine. It was fine because nothing mattered. He spent his evenings at home drinking because it didn’t matter. He would die one day and never be remembered. There was no point. Jihoon had nothing to lose._ _

__So he would get drunk. Maybe Seungcheol would see his scars. And maybe Seungcheol would abandon their blossoming friendship. But that was nothing new - Jihoon expected it. It was fine._ _

__Everything was absolutely fine._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOoOoOoOoOoO  
> im excited for next chapter bc ive been planning it for ages and are jicheol rushing into a relationship? probably BUT THIS NEXT CHATPTER  
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
> anyways soonie will pop up in a couple chapters at least so hOLd oN to YOuR SeaTS or dont yet bc it might be in like ten chapters time WHO KNOWS  
> thank u forr eading as always and for ur comments they make me very very happy


	8. party kiddo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IVE BEEN WRITING THIS ALL EVENING PLEASE ENJOY  
> updates will probably avtually slow down now bc im not too sure whats happening next so. i might need a day

His name was Lee Jihoon and he currently sat on top of the kitchen island, watching Jeonghan make his coffee. He had a slight pout, worrying about what he wanted to ask and Jeonghan’s reaction. He twiddled his thumbs.

“What’s up, little dude?” Jeonghan said, aware of Jihoon’s eyes. 

“Is eight a late start for a party?” He blurted out. That wasn’t his question. Jeonghan shrugged.

“Not unless its for a seven year old,” he told him. “Have you not been to a party before? I thought Soonyoung would’ve dragged you out to one at least once.”

“No.” Jihoon said. His tone had turned cold on the topic of him. Jeonghan got the hint.

“Oh. Well, they start at like eight or nine, generally,” Jeonghan told him.

“What do I wear?” That was his question.

“You’re actually going to a party?” The elder finally turned around, wide eyed.

Somehow, it hadn’t occurred to Jeonghan that the questions weren’t hypothetical. He couldn’t see Jihoon at a party. When he thought about it, he felt rather dumb. But he was ecstatic that his depressed friend was actually independently going out.

“Yeah, Cheol’s picking me up later. What do I wear?” Jihoon looked anxious. Jeonghan smiled fondly.

“Should I look through your suitcase?” Jihoon nodded. Jeonghan hesitated. Then added with a grin, “can I do your makeup?” 

“I’ll consider it.”

“Be quick then,” Jeonghan said. “Hao and I are leaving in an hour.” Jihoon cursed under his breath. Then he nodded. His friend’s smile reached his ears. Then he ran upstairs.

Jihoon was nervous for the party, to say the least. He kept telling himself that whatever happened didn’t matter, but it did. If he never saw Seungcheol again, maybe that night would be what stuck in his mind. He liked Seungcheol. He wanted to stay in touch. He didn’t want him to leave. But everyone always did.

The boy didn’t have many friends growing up. He struggled to socialise. But Soonyoung could talk to anyone and Jihoon found that he didn’t struggle to talk to Soonyoung. He missed being younger. He missed the joy and the freedom, not knowing how his life would turn out. Back then, as a teenager, he expected to become a producer. He wasn’t sure what went wrong, but a journalist wasn’t a terrible job. He just didn’t enjoy it. He missed being young. He missed enjoying life. He missed Soonyoung.

When Jeonghan returned, his friend was still on the counter. The elder carried a small black bag, with his initials engraved in gold writing. It was a present from his sister. He dumped it next to Jihoon and took out about three foundation shades. He tested them on Jihoon’s hand. Too dark.

“How pale are you?” Jeonghan sighed. Jihoon shrugged. He didn’t get out much.

Eventually, Jeonghan settled on his palest concealer to work as foundation. Jihoon sat stiff, not sure what to do with his face as Jeonghan painted on god knows what. His friend was occasionally mumbling. It tended to be something about learning a trick on Instagram.

Jihoon didn’t know so much went into making yourself look pretty. He was pretty sure that he had used about five different eyeshadows on him, and two lip tints. 

“You look gorgeous!” Jeonghan clapped in glee when he was done. He gave Jihoon a small mirror, which the boy was a little scared to look into. But he almost smiled when he did. He looked good. “I lay some clothes out on your bed. By the way, your fashion sense is boring.”

Jihoon was alone twenty minutes later. Minghao had ruffled his hair, complimented his makeup and even made Jihoon model by a plant that stood in the corner of the living room. Jeonghan gave Jihoon a hug. He told him not to drink and made Jihoon promise. They then left Jihoon alone, in a house in Malibu, with nothing to do except wait for a surfer to show up at his door.

The day passed slowly. He didn’t want to get dressed yet, so he ended up lounging on the sofa and binge watching Netflix. He managed to watch Thor, followed by Avengers Assemble. It was still only 2pm, so he replayed Thor.

Jihoon still had six hours to go. He was bored of films. For a moment he considered the piano. He walked over and lifted up the cover. His thin fingers rested upon the keys. Then he slammed it shut, and walked outside. He dialled up a number.

“Jihoon, it’s 7am!”

“I don’t care,” Jihoon said. “I’m bored.” Junhui sighed on the other line. The younger hadn’t thought about time zones. It was Sunday back home, but he didn’t feel guilty about waking his up his coworker.

“How are you bored in Malibu?” Junhui asked, his morning voice strong.

“The other’s are in Los Angeles.”

“Wha-they left you behind?”

“I’ve got a party tonight, actually.” Junhui was sure he was dreaming. Jihoon? Party?

“I’m going back to sleep,” Junhui decided he couldn’t handle it. Not at 7 o’cock on a Sunday. “Night.”

Jihoon sighed and flopped into the recliner, waiting for 8pm to arrive.

It felt like days rather than six hours. He flopped around, watched a TV show, and then seven finally rolled around, so Jihoon headed upstairs and changed into the clothes Jeonghan had left for him; an oversized plaid shirt, matched with a black t-shirt and black skinny jeans.

Jihoon ran when the doorbell rang. Unfortunately, one of Minghao’s boots were lying in the hallway and Jihoon fell as elegantly as a hippo against the banister. Pain shot through his nose but after a quick blood check, he deemed it fine and opened the front door where his friend waited for him. 

Seungcheol’s dark hair was parted to the left. He sported an ebony jacket over a black shirt, as well as skinny jeans and boots of the same shade as his clothes. He looked amazing. Jihoon was breathless.

“Did you trip?” Seungcheol asked. He looked concerned. Jihoon almost swooned. 

“No,” he denied. He stepped outside, shutting the door behind him, and followed Seungcheol to his black land rover. He had to use the step on the side to climb in. It made Seungcheol chuckle.

The surfer’s car was tidy. A collection of CDs were stored in between the two front seats. They were mostly rap. Eminem was currently playing quietly. Other than that, the car journey was mostly silent.

“I like your makeup,” Seungcheol commented. Jihoon’s lips stretched into a small smile.

“Jeonghan did it for me.”

Jihoon hadn’t realised how nervous he was. His hand was tapping to the beat of the music, something that was once a habit but now a sign of his anxiety.

It turned out to be a house party. Music blared even from outside, and Seungcheol just swung open the door, letting himself and Jihoon in. It was already crowded.

To make matters worse, Seungcheol was suddenly distracted by a friend. He was swept up by the crowd and Jihoon was completely and utterly alone. He waded through to a sofa in the corner, next to the drinks.

“Hey!” Someone greeted. He was tall. So very tall. Jihoon strained his neck looking up at him. “Name’s Mingyu!”

“Jihoon,” the small boy replied. He stood at a grand height of 5’5 and had never felt shorter. “How’s the weather up there?”

“Cloudy,” Mingyu grinned and proceeded to tell Jihoon that yes, he did play basketball, before he asked. They sat down next to each other on the small red sofa. They watched the crowd dance.

Jihoon recognised the music as the Chainsmokers. Massively overplayed, he had decided. Girls were grinding against boys to the beat. Jihoon sighed.

“Drink?” Mingyu shouted over the music. A red cup was in his hand. Jihoon stared. He shouldn’t. He knew he shouldn’t. He knew to stay away, not to let Jeonghan down, not to let himself down.

“Alright,” Jihoon took the cup. He chugged it almost immediately and Mingyu was impressed.

 

A few hours later, Seungcheol looked like he was about to cry. He had just walked in with Jihoon and he had lost him. _He had lost him. ___

__“Cheol? You alright?” Mingyu asked._ _

__“Have you seen my friend? He’s really short-”_ _

__“Red hair, checked shirt?” Mingyu asked. Seungcheol nodded eagerly and quickly hugged him when he pointed in Jihoon’s direction._ _

__The surfer managed to make it to the drinks when Jihoon was chugging down his unth cup. He didn’t even know what it was. His eyes widened when he saw Seungcheol and he stumbled over with a lopsided grin. The elder had to catch him in his arms._ _

__“I like you,” Jihoon slurred, his voice muffled by Seungcheol’s chest._ _

__“I like you too, buddy,” he told him. Jihoon shook his head._ _

__“You’re cute. Like, real cute.”_ _

__“Let’s get you home,” Seungcheol began dragging the drunk out of the house with great difficulty. He gave up and picked Jihoon up instead. The boy giggled and exclaimed a “whee!”_ _

__Seungcheol had to shove him into the car. This wasn’t how he thought this night would turn out. He wanted to get to know Jihoon a bit more. Wanted him to have fun._ _

__“Did you know,” Jihoon dragged out the last word, “Chrissy Worthhem is an Aussie?”_ _

__“He plays Thor, right?” Seungcheol asked, pulling out onto the road. Jihoon nodded. And started talking about how much he liked Thor. Seungcheol thought it was adorable._ _

__“You’re hotter than Thor,” Jihoon blurted out. The elder’s tan cheeks flushed red. He didn’t respond._ _

__Shortly after, he pulled up outside Jihoon’s house. He knocked on the door but his roommate’s weren’t home yet, so he had to awkwardly pat an unstable Jihoon to find his keys. He finally found them in Jihoon’s back pocket. Jihoon didn’t even care that Seungcheol’s hand was pressed against the younger’s butt._ _

__He saw that the house was fancy. It was all pale and Seungcheol prayed that Jihoon wouldn’t throw up._ _

__The drunk wandered over to the piano. He opened it up and sat down. His fingers brushed the keys. He suddenly looked distant._ _

__“I loved him,” he said. Seungcheol was taken aback. Jihoon’s fingers found their way across the keys, pressing them into a beautiful melody. He stopped as abruptly as he had started. “You’re nothing like him. I prefer you. But I did love him. I really did.” The makeup may have hidden his dark circles, but it didn’t hide the tears in his eyes. It didn’t hide the pain in his voice. It didn’t hide Jihoon’s scars._ _

__Seungcheol walked over. He rested his hand on top of Jihoon’s. “I’m sure you did.”_ _

__“He made me happy. I was lonely and he made me happy,” Jihoon continued. “I had no one growing up. We met when we were twelve. We were together for eight years. Engaged.” Seungcheol noticed now that Jihoon wore a beautiful ring on his right hand, rather than his left. Three beautiful silver jewels, side by side. “But he told me he never loved me and he chose to leave.”_ _

__The two were silent. Jihoon’s words hung in the air. Seungcheol was stunned. Jihoon had been engaged and his fiance left him. He felt Jihoon’s hand move. He stared at his ring. Jihoon took it off and sat it on top of the piano. Then he leaned back into Seungcheol’s arms._ _

__“Let’s get you to bed,” Seungcheol said softly. Jihoon didn’t say anything, and let Seungcheol guide him upstairs. Jihoon wasn’t too drunk to forget his room and he fell onto the bed. He took the surfer’s hand and pulled him down. He didn’t refuse._ _

__“Stay,” Jihoon mumbled. Seungcheol told him he would always stay with him._ _

__The two lay quietly. Seungcheol pulled the blanket over them both and was about to fall asleep._ _

__“Soonyoung,” Jihoon said._ _

__“Hm?”_ _

__“His name was Soonyoung,” Jihoon informed him. “And I hate him.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whats that??? 1997 words? T WO TH O U S A ND ?????????????????????????? HOLY SHITHJBDSJHB  
> im proud of myself can u tell  
> thank u for reaidng and commening and all that jazz!! sometimes i dont reply but every comment means a lot


	9. ring

His name was Jihoon and for the first time in a week, his head was killing him. The light hurt his eyes so he buried under the sheets, as if he was an animal hibernating for the winter. At that moment Jihoon decided he would stay there all day. He remembered his promise to Jeonghan. He wasn’t supposed to drink last night. He couldn’t even recall getting home.

Jihoon quickly had to leave the comfort of his bed, though. He emptied the contents of his stomach through his mouth, feeling gross and groggy. The boy brushed his teeth and got back into bed. He was starting to wish for death to come quickly.

The door slowly opened. Jihoon peaked from the duvet and was surprised to find Seungcheol slipping through, balancing a tray in his arms. He smiled when he spied Jihoon watching.

“Good morning, kiddo,” his voice was soft and mindful of Jihoon’s headache. The hungover boy groaned as he sat up, his head pounding. Seungcheol placed the tray on his lap. A glass of water and a box of aspirin sat on the tray, and Jihoon gratefully swallowed a pill. Seungcheol had served bacon and eggs. Jihoon wasn’t sure if he could stomach it all.

“How come you’re here?” He asked, gingerly nibbling on a bit of his food. Seungcheol smiled.

“You asked me to stay.”

“Oh,” Jihoon was a little proud of his drunk self now. He continued his attempt to eat, but realised he couldn’t manage much at all. Seungcheol took the tray aside so Jihoon could lay back down.

Seungcheol wondered how Jihoon still looked beautiful with smudged makeup and a frown. His eyeshadow had faded but still remained, although it spread further than his eyelids now. His lip tint had rubbed off, most likely on the cups at the party. Seungcheol hadn’t expected Jihoon to drink as much as he had. He was amazed. Mingyu told him that Jihoon took a full cup like a shot and he hadn’t been sure whether to be amazed or scared.

He was beginning to think Jihoon had fallen asleep when he revealed his hand from beneath the sheets, staring at it in confusion.

“That’s your hand, Hoon,” Seungcheol teased. Jihoon didn’t laugh, only frown.

“Where’s my ring?” He asked.

“You put it on the piano,” the surfer told him. Jihoon raised his eyebrows. Jihoon hadn’t taken his ring off in a long time.

When Soonyoung first left, Jihoon didn’t remove his ring like everyone expected him to. It took a few months for him to believe that Soonyoung had up and left. Eventually he changed it to the other hand. He hated to be without it. But now, he discovered that he didn’t care.

Seungcheol felt like a sober Jihoon never would’ve said everything about his past that he did the night before. He sensed that Jihoon had a tendency to bottle it up. He wanted to talk to him. He wanted to let him know that he was there for him. And that there would always be someone who was there for him.

Seungcheol removed Jihoons makeup for him and then the two spent the morning lazing around with gentle conversation. Jihoon had managed to get Seungcheol to talk about himself a bit, and discovered he had an Instagram collection for slime videos. Jihoon called him a nerd.

“In my defence,” Seungcheol pouted, “last night you told me ‘Chrissy Worthhem’ is Australian and proceeded to ramble to me about Thor and how hot he is.”

“Chrissy Worth-I’m so sorry,” Jihoon groaned. Seungcheol laughed and playfully pulled him in for a side hug. He chose not to mention that the younger had said he was hotter than the superhero.

Jihoon continued leaning on the surfer. He found that he didn’t want to let go. To his joy, Seungcheol kept his arm wrapped around him. Jihoon hadn’t been held this close in four years. He had missed it. He rested his head on Seungcheol’s shoulder and the elder rested his own head on his. Jihoon just prayed Jeonghan didn’t burst in.

“Do you want to hang out tomorrow?” Seungcheol asked. “We could go for ice cream or whatever and then we could chill around mine. I’ve got a session with Hao in the evening but you can come and practice your photography.

Jihoon’s lips stretched into a smile. “Sounds great.”

Seungcheol left at lunchtime. Jihoon felt well enough to say goodbye at the door, and watched him drive away from the window. He heard the click of a camera and turned around. Minghao was standing behind him, lowering his camera from his face.

“Aesthetic,” he smiled. Jihoon nodded. He saw something glistening on the piano. He knew what it was and walked over. He picked up his ring and began to stare at it, looking at how the jewels caught the light.

“I got a good photo of that,” Minghao said happily. “I don’t think I’ll use it though. It isn’t travel. I might use it on my Instagram.” Jihoon’s blocked out Minghao’s rambling. He turned the ring in his fingers. He suddenly hated it. It was once the most beautiful thing in the world and now it was ugly. The memories it contained, its symbolism. Jihoon was sick of that ring.

Minghao watched him and came to stand by. He brushed his fingers across the gems. He sensed that it was significant to Jihoon and looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to talk.

“It’s an engagement ring,” Jihoon said and turned away. He opened the back door and stepped outside into the hot sun, leaving Minghao shocked with his mouth hanging open. The heat made Jihoon’s head feel foggy again but he easily ignored it. Jeonghan watched him curiously. He was sunbathing on a recliner. Jihoon went to the ocean and let it tickle his toes.

The boy continued to twiddle with the ring. He didn’t want it. It was his last thing from his relationship with Soonyoung. He was ready. Jihoon wanted to let go. 

“We need to talk, you know.” Jeonghan interrupted. Jihoon sighed heavily. “You promised me you weren’t going to drink last night and you did!”

“I’m fine,” Jihoon muttered. “It’s not a big deal-”

“It is a big deal, Jihoon!” Jeonghan was standing now. Jihoon turned around and crossed his arms, his ring still in his hands. “I know we both deny it, Hoon, but I also know that when you’re alone, with nobody to distract you, you drink.”

“I was offered it last-”

“And you can’t turn it down!” Jeonghan was yelling. Jihoon took a deep, sharp breath. The border fences between the neighbourhood’s beach gardens may give them some visual privacy, but he knew they could all hear Jeonghan.

Jihoon didn’t want to make eye contact. He stared at his feet like a child in trouble. The boy was shaking. He knew what Jeonghan was going to say.

“You’re becoming an alcoholic.”

It hurt. Hearing it out loud hurt. Jihoon felt like he’d been punched in the chest. Both boys were tearing up.

“Please get help, Jihoon,” Jeonghan whispered. At last, they made eye contact. Jihoon sniffed and wiped his nose on the back of his hand.

Then he nodded.

Jeonghan walked closer and held his friend in his arms. They stayed like that for a minute, until Minghao was calling for Jeonghan. The elder kissed Jihoon’s forehead in a motherly fashion and walked inside, trying to mask his tears.

Jihoon looked back out to sea. Tears were still falling.

“A new Jihoon,” he announced to himself. And he hurled the ring into the ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whooooOOOOOOOOOOO  
> anwyys  
> so my best friend and i are writing this fic (its called daunting moon hit it up) and her laptop broke so she couldnt update it for a WHOLE YEAR and she was finally able to update it so guess whos got two fics to write!! we do take that one in turns so it shouldnt affect this too much but in case it does, theres a heads up!!  
> thanks for ur comments on the last chapter!! especially @ the two who dont normally comment i was pleasantly surprised (not to say i dont love ur comments @ u know who u r i look forward to them)


	10. "daughter"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not proofread!!!!!!! again  
> i dont have my laptop so this was rushed a bit im sorry

His name was Jihoon and he felt good. He was walking through the golden streets, side by side with Seungcheol. The surfer’s arm was around his shoulders. It had been a good day - they had gone to a cafe for lunch and there hadn’t been a dull moment. The evening was now creeping up but they still had an hour until Minghao’s surf session.

The two were making the way to Seungcheol’s apartment. Jihoon was excited to see what it was like. He felt like the way someone’s place looked said a lot about them. He knew his flat told his whole story.

Jihoon was dreading going back to Seoul. He was beginning to have fun in Malibu and Seoul was plain, miserable and boring to him. He would be back in his office, writing boring articles about stupid things. 

“What’s your main job?” Jihoon asked. He had just realised he didn’t know where Seungcheol’s main income came from. He was sure that his surf instructor job was just a way of making extra cash.

“I’m a proofreader,” Seungcheol explained, kicking a stone across the path as he did so. “But I kind of hate it. I don’t know what I want to do yet. What’s your job?”

“I’m a journalist,” Jihoon said. “I get assigned the weird stuff like a cat in the postage or costumed straw men.” Seungcheol laughed. It made Jihoon’s heart skip a beat. He knew he shouldn’t like him so much when they hadn’t known each other for even a week yet. But they had been texting a lot, getting to know each other little by little. 

Jihoon had no idea that Seungcheol knew about Soonyoung. Seungcheol was dying to talk about it, especially having noticed he wasn’t wearing his ring anymore. He wondered what happened to it. He wondered what Jihoon had done without Soonyoung within those four years, when his fiance had left him so suddenly.

The surfer couldn’t help but feel angry at whoever Soonyoung was. He knew the man had killed something in the sweet boy that was Lee Jihoon, and according to what the younger had said whilst drunk, he was only just beginning to revive that something. Seungcheol wanted to help him.

The friend were quiet for the rest of the walk. Jihoon noticed several couples, swinging hands, laughing, sharing ice cream, taking photographs and simply cuddling on a bench. He was missing the days he was in a relationship more and more. It was rather uncharacteristic - Jihoon wasn’t very romantic. He had thought he was aromantic until he met Soonyoung.

More than once, Seungcheol’s hand brushed against Jihoon’s. They were in close proximity with each other and both boys were fighting the urge to take the other’s hand, not knowing that they each wanted to. Jihoon’s cheeks were red.

“I can’t wait for you to meet my little girl,” Seungcheol spoke up. Jihoon’s eyes widened. Little girl? Was Seungcheol a father? How old was he? How old was his daughter? “She’s gorgeous, you’ll love each other.” Was Seungcheol straight, after all? Jihoon fell silent.

“She’s very cuddly. I can’t even explain how much I love her.” Jihoon managed a smile as Seungcheol continued rambling. The younger was beginning to feel sick.

Before long, they had reached Seungcheol’s flat. It was only up one staircase. Jihoon envied it - he ventured up five flights at least twice a day, everyday back in Seoul. Seungcheol unlocked the door and Jihoon was nervous to meet Seungcheol’s daughter.

“Here she is!” Seungcheol exclaimed. “Hello, my beautiful girl!”

Seungcheol picked up a cat. _A cat. _. The buff surfer kissed her orange and white head, no, smothered her, and held her tightly in his arms.__

__“This is Princess!” Seungcheol grinned. “She’s a calico.”_ _

__“I thought you had an actual daughter,” Jihoon had never felt more relieved. Seungcheol laughed at him._ _

__“She is my daughter,” he claimed. He put Princess down and she rubbed against Jihoon’s bare legs. “She’s a calico. Did you know calicos are nearly all female? The fur colors are only in the X chromosome, so male cats have XXY chromosomes rather than XY and nearly always suffer from health problems. I had one growing up. His name was Treasure. He died of old age, thankfully. I loved him very much, but I love Princess just as much too.”_ _

__Seungcheol continued rambling about calico cats and Jihoon couldn’t help but smile at him. The man’s eyes were shining brighter than the stars._ _

__As the cat lover poured out some food for Princess, Jihoon looked around the apartment. It was a studio, like his, except it was much bigger than Jihoon’s shitty shoebox. A maroon sofa with a black blanket sat facing the wall opposite the kitchen. A good sized TV sat a few metres in front and a black coffee table sat in between. The kitchen was a good size for a studio apartment and was mostly grey themed. There was a pizza box on the counter, likely left from the night before. Photos of who Jihoon assumed was Seungcheol’s family were dotted around on the walls, some baby pictures and some more recent. A black double bed was pressed up against the wall facing the glass door between windows, and a photo of Seungcheol, Princess and another boy sat in a frame on Seungcheol’s dark bedside table. The glass door leading to a balcony with a view of the city._ _

__“Who’s that?” Jihoon pointed to the boy in the photo on his bedside table._ _

__Seungcheol beamed. “That’s my big brother.”_ _

__“You’re the youngest?” Jihoon cooed. Seungcheol nodded. He assumed they were close._ _

__Jihoon’s favorite part of Seungcheol’s flat was the shelf above his bed. The shelf itself was nothing special, it was just black wood. But upon it stood stacked pop vinyl figures. Jihoon was in awe. Seungcheol was not only a cat nerd, but a pop vinyl nerd too. The surfer saw him staring and laughed._ _

__“Princess knocks them over, so they’re a bit battered,” he said with one of his signature grins._ _

__“How many is there?”_ _

__“Seventeen,” Seungcheol answered. “I’ve been collecting for a few years.” Jihoon’s fingers brushed over the front of a green caterpillar._ _

__“That one’s horrifying,” he whispered._ _

__“I know, isn’t it hideous?” Seungcheol laughed loudly. He clearly liked the worst pop vinyls. He had the Little Mermaid’s Sebastian as well as Dory from Finding Nemo. They were ugly and a little bit scary. The caterpillar’s label read Heimlich. Jihoon recognised it from A Bug’s Life._ _

__Jihoon was a closet Marvel nerd. Not so closet with Seungcheol thanks to drunk Jihoon, but in his rare sober spare time he always found himself watching Marvel. His favorite was Thor 2; an unpopular choice of Thor films._ _

__The hour was spent playing video games. Jihoon was once unbeatable on Mario Kart, but he hadn’t played in years so he has now rusty. Seungcheol was too proud of beating Jihoon’s ass. The younger argued it was because Princess distracted him. Princess was actually asleep on Seungcheol’s bed._ _

__Minghao’s surf session came by far too quickly. Jihoon did stay with them, taking photos of Minghao catching his first successful wave without a wipe out, but he was a little bit bored. He couldn’t help but daydream. Daydreaming was also uncharacteristic for Jihoon and he wondered what had gotten into him._ _

__Seungcheol dropped them home. Jihoon wished he hadn’t, so that they could talk more on the way. But Minghao would’ve ruined it anyway. He made a mental note to try catch Seungcheol alone more often. That day had been his favorite of the whole holiday._ _

__He lay awake that night. Thinking of Seungcheol. It was the first night in three years that he hadn’t dreamt of Soonyoung. He was thinking of Seungcheol._ _

__Seungcheol was becoming all he could think about._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the ending was so rushed!!! this isnt proofread at all except some description which is still shit im so sorry  
> also? google the heimlich pop vinyl i need it in my life  
> thank u for reading and commenting as always!! i lov u all a lot


	11. feline fatherhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fillerfillerfillerfiller

His name was Jihoon and his fingers typed speedily on his laptop. He was sat on the sofa whilst Minghao and Jeonghan stared at him.

“Are you trying to stab the keys?” Minghao asked. Jihoon shot him a glare.

He was writing. Jeonghan had groaned when he saw him type into Google Docs, telling him he was meant to be on holiday, but he insisted that he wanted to write. He genuinely did. He was inspired.

“I need to write whilst the words are in my head,” Jihoon said. “It takes a lot of brain to make the words go.”

“A lot of brain make the words go,” Minghao recited thoughtfully, tapping his finger on the sofa arm. 

“Also, Hao,” Jihoon glanced up from his screen to look at the photojournalist, “I need you to take photos of Seungcheol’s daughter.” Minghao’s eyes widened and Jihoon managed to keep a straight face.

“He’s a dad?”

“Yes, to a calico called Princess,” Jihoon went back to typing. Minghao looked deeply betrayed.

Jihoon never told anyone if he planned to come by. He would simply turn up and hope they weren’t busy. It was the same for Seungcheol. They walked the twenty minute journey, with Minghao pausing to capture the life surrounding them. Jihoon patiently waited each time. 

Seungcheol’s car was thankfully parked outside the beige apartment block, meaning they wouldn’t have to wait for him to come home. Jihoon pressed the number 4 on the buzzer, smiling at Seungcheol’s voice on the speaker.

“Hello?”

“It’s Jihoon, I’m here to appreciate your cat,” Jihoon said. The surfer laughed and let them in.

Seungcheol was just opening the front door by the time the two friends had jogged up the one flight of stairs. He was smiling already and Jihoon couldn’t help but return the gesture.

“I hope your cat’s photogenic,” he nodded towards Minghao. Seungcheol gasped.

“I want every last photo you take!”

Minghao looked around the room. He saw the flat as a canvas, Princess his paints and the camera his brush. He delicately folded the black blanket and let it smoothly flop over the back of the sofa. The boy perfectly tilted some cushions and then picked up Princess, who was sat on the carpet nearby. She didn’t protest to being put onto the couch. Her owner told her to sit, and sit she did.

Minghao opened the curtains some more and asked Jihoon to hold them to the side. He said the lighting fell perfectly but the curtain hid the edge of the glass, taking out some of the glow. Princess’ green eyes were aluminous in the Malibu sun and Minghao quickly captured the beauty.

“I like that you don’t question this photoshoot,” Jihoon said to Seungcheol.

“Why would I question what she deserves? My girl’s a model!” The surfer looked like a proud father. “But may I ask what this is for, now that you mention it?”

“No, you may not,” Jihoon watched Minghao move Princess around a bit. Jihoon had never seen a cat give less shits. She leaned her colorful head on her white paws and Minghao nearly cried at how perfect of a photo he gained from her pose.

Seungcheol stopped staring at his cat and admired Jihoon instead. He was simply leaning against the wall, arms folded, the pale curtain bunched up behind him, but he somehow managed to look like an angel. His face less resembled thunder now, he had tanned and now looked more alive than when Seungcheol had first met him. Jihoon looked less tired. Jihoon looked happier.

“Are you here on holiday?” Seungcheol asked. His heart sank when Jihoon nodded. He had already assumed so, but having it confirmed was another matter. 

“I go home in four days.”

Seungcheol’s heart sank further. “Can you not extend your holiday?”

“No, I have a job,” Jihoon sighed. “I have bills to pay.”

The two stood in silence. The only sound was Minghao’s camera. Seungcheol’s mind spiralled into his own job. He hated it. He hated being cooped up in an office, reading and editing and reading an editing. Seungcheol would rather be a full time surf instructor, having had fallen in love with surfing almost ten years ago, and it was an outdoor job. He caught himself rambling to Jihoon about it - Seungcheol had a tendency to voice his thoughts by accident. Jihoon looked worried.

“Do what makes you happy, dude,” he said.

“Does your job make you happy?” Seungcheol asked. Jihoon didn’t answer.

Jihoon didn’t even have an answer. He didn’t particularly enjoy it, but he didn’t hate it either. And it paid well, shown in the amount of alcohol Jihoon bought a week. He had Junhui. It was manageable.

But was it what he wanted to do? As a teenager all he had been interested in was music. He had wanted to become a producer. Each day was spent thinking up melodies, writing lyrics, playing new rhythms. These days, Jihoon’s guitar was gathering dust back where he grew up, back in Busan. He didn’t take any of his instruments with him when he moved to Seoul. He left it all behind to focus on his career, on something stable.

He missed the weight of the guitar on his lap and the smooth wood of the neck in his hand. He missed the indents the strings would make on his fingertips and the sting that remained after a long session. Jihoon came back to Earth when he realised Seungcheol and Minghao were staring at him in concern.

“You’re crying,” Minghao gently commented. Jihoon shook his head, wiping the fallen tears from his cheek.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled. “Honestly.” Seungcheol bit his lip and Minghao sighed.

“Are you happy with these?” The photographer sensed that Jihoon wanted to change the subject and handed him his camera. The younger flicked through the photos and almost smiled.

“Yeah,” he returned the camera, “yeah, they’re good.” 

The atmosphere had become awkward. No one knew quite what to say. Jihoon was aware of the other two watching him and he looked at his feet. 

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Seungcheol said softly. His hand rested on Jihoon’s arm. The younger hadn’t even noticed him move closer. Suddenly he was being drawn in to a hug and Jihoon wasn’t too sure what to do for a few seconds, then he buried his head in Seungcheol’s chest, his hands on his back. He needed it. He had missed the feel of another person’s touch, more than he had missed music.

But Jihoon had to pull away. He could feel the faucet behind his eyes turning. 

“I’ll see you later.”

 

Jihoon spent the evening on the balcony. He was pleased that the wifi reached that far - he had a view of the ocean whilst relaxing on a recliner with his laptop heating up on his thighs. It was an article on calico cats. He was reading over his writing, rewording, checking facts. Minghao had transferred the photos of Princess onto his own laptop and emailed them to Jihoon quite quickly and the boy was grateful.

He had only selected four for his article. Seungcheol had also sent him the best photo of he had of his last calico, Treasure. Jihoon had used it in a section about male calicos, like his own tribute to a feline he had never known.

“Still writing about that cat breed?” Jeonghan appeared almost from nowhere, in classic Jeonghan style. Jihoon was half convinced that his friend could teleport.

“Calicos aren’t a breed, it’s a fur color description,” Jihoon said. 

“Right, whatever,” Jeonghan leaned on the back of the younger’s chair. He ran his fingers through Jihoon’s dyed locks, and styled it a little. Jihoon never did anything with his hair. Jeonghan had dragged him to the hairdressers to dye it, and that was the most the boy had done for several years. He brushed it after a shower, but other than that, it was constantly in a “I woke up like this” state. 

But Jeonghan could tell that Jihoon had been looking after it more recently. He had been caring more about his appearance in general, even asking Jeonghan to do his makeup in the mornings and then demanding he took it off for him in the evening. Jeonghan knew why.

“You like Seungcheol, don’t you?”

“Shut up. Why would you think that?”

“Ooh, let’s see,” Jeonghan flopped in the nearest recliner, sassily crossing his legs. He counted on his fingers, “you let him take you to a party. You’re scowling less. You asked him to stay the other night-”

“I was drunk!” Jihoon defended.

“-alcohol changes behaviour, not morals,” Jeonghan said. “Sober you just doesn’t have the guts. Anyway, you’re writing an entire article in his honor and last but not least, he makes you blush.”

Jihoon sighed, defeated. “Okay, fine. I have a crush. I’ve admitted it, are you happy? And we’ll never talk about this to anyone again.”

“What will you do when you’re apart?”

“I don’t know.” Jihoon’s voice was barely audible. He was already growing attached to Seungcheol. He found it hard to properly connect to people but when he did, he became very clingy very quickly. “I’ll manage.”

The only sound now was Jihoon’s fingers hitting the keyboard as he emailed his article to his boss. Jeonghan was staring out to sea. He was thinking.

“Seungcheol does like you,” he stated. Jihoon’s heart almost stopped at the possibility. Butterflies kicked his stomach. But he didn’t believe it. Why would anyone like him, Lee Jihoon? A man who, as Seungcheol himself once said, looked dead, wore a permanent scowl, and looked like a kid. He was nothing special. If anything, he was just 165 centimetres of inconvenience.

“He’d never like me. Not in a million years.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for not updating yesterday!!! i was pLAYing the sims instead of writing so i only had abt 500 words by 1am  
> im not quite sure what im doing rn?? i have an idea of Later Events so its just a shit ton of fillers,, im not even sure when jicheol get together im sorry  
> anwyays thank for reading n commentin it means a LOT


	12. date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to kick this off have a double pun i created by accident whilst making light humour with my friend:  
> cheol: why do u always wear sweaters in malibu  
> hoon, sweating: my aesthetic
> 
> haha get it bc. its the sweating question meme. sweater. sweating. haahahhhha  
> anyways let the barely proofread chapter commence

His name was Choi Seungcheol and he woke up to his cat sitting on his stomach. He didn’t mind at all and grinned widely.

“Good morning, gorgeous girl,” he chuckled. He needed to shower but he would never bother his cat. Princess came first so he waited for her to move first. He would be there a while.

Seungcheol reached for his phone and was happy to see a text from Jihoon. Several texts from Jihoon, in fact.

**Jihoon ❤️  
do u wanna go out for dinner**

****

**Jihoon ❤️  
or not**

**Jihoon ❤️  
thats cool too**

**Jihoon ❤️  
but let me know**

Seungcheol chuckled fondly and texted a one handed reply, his other hand brushing Princess’ fur, telling Jihoon that it sounded great and he’d pick him up at six.

He had a busy day ahead. He was meeting up with his best friend, Joshua, at lunchtime. They had known each other since Seungcheol’s family had moved to Los Angeles. They went to high school together. But then Seungcheol had moved to Malibu for college and fell in love with the city. This left the best friends an hour away and so they didn’t see each other as often. Joshua was driving down today, though, and Seungcheol was excited to see him. 

Princess finally jumped off of Seungcheol’s bed, so he got up, grabbed some clean clothes and headed to the shower. He spent a full minute shepherding Princess out of the bathroom.

The hot water was comforting as it trickled down Seungcheol’s caramel skin. It washed away the previous days worries, leaving a clean slate for the hours ahead.

An hour later he was walking under the warm sun. He loved Malibu. He wondered if he’d ever grow sick of it. The vibes were so cheerful, full of youth and happiness. It lifted him up and just a walk down the block made his day better. Seungcheol only planned to live in Malibu for three years, but that turned into four, five and now seven. _Seven years! _. Seungcheol suddenly felt old as he walked into his favorite ice cream parlour.__

__“Seungcheol!” Joshua ran up to him. They hugged tightly. They hadn’t seen each other in months. “You looked like you were pretty away with the fairies there, you okay?”_ _

__“I’m so old!” Seungcheol exclaimed. Joshua laughed._ _

__“We’re twenty-five, calm down.”_ _

__“I was eighteen yesterday!”_ _

__“Tragic, truly,” Joshua smiled as the friends sat down. “So, what’s new? Are you going to tell me about that boy you met?”_ _

__Seungcheol’s eyes lit up and he immediately began talking about Jihoon as if the boy was his entire world. He told him about his scowl, his smile, his laugh, everything he knew. The only thing he didn’t tell his best friend was what drunk Jihoon had said about his past and the engagement ring._ _

__“You really like him!” Joshua exclaimed. He cooed over Seungcheol for a minute, chanting that he had a crush. The elder didn’t deny it._ _

__“He asked me out to dinner tonight.”_ _

__“A date!” Joshua almost screamed. They received odd looks and Seungcheol could feel the blood rush to his face and ears. Was it a date? Jihoon had seemed nervous in his texts. He quickly whipped out his phone, texted Jihoon to ask, and put it back in his pocket. To avoid worrying until Jihoon replied, Seungcheol focused on Joshua’s love life._ _

__“So, are you still single?”_ _

__“Yeah, do you know anyone to hook me up with?” Joshua sipped on his milkshake to make himself look innocent after his previous comment. He slipped it into every conversation about his relationship status but Seungcheol rarely met new people. Then he remembered Jihoon mentioning Jeonghan whining about not being in a relationship._ _

__“As a matter of fact, I do! Except he goes back to Korea in three days…”_ _

__“Helpful!” Joshua looked exasperated. “Really fucking helpful, Seungcheol!”_ _

__“I’ll ask if he’s free tomorrow, jeez,” Seungcheol laughed, shoving his friend playfully._ _

__“Is he cute?” Joshua was all ears but unfortunately, Seungcheol didn’t know Jeonghan too well._ _

__“He looks like your type,” Seungcheol shrugged. “Jihoon describes him as motherly and overprotective, and a pain in the ass. But that’s just Jihoon. He isn’t very affectionate.”_ _

__Joshua raised his eyebrows, pointing out that the boy had asked him on a date. Seungcheol went red again and then argued, insisting that Jihoon had been extremely awkward about it._ _

__His phone vibrated at that moment so he took it from his pocket to glance at the screen. His heart beat fast, knowing it was to confirm if they were calling the evening a date. It lit up with a one worded message from Jihoon; “yeah”._ _

__

__Seungcheol’s heart felt like it was about to burst from his chest. His fingers tapped the steering wheel and he was jogging his leg, being careful not to hit a pedal. He glanced up at the front door of the holiday house he was parked in front of. Jihoon had emerged, and was being pulled back by Jeonghan. Seungcheol smiled as he watched the boy being enveloped in a hug._ _

__Jihoon looked good. No, more than good. He had done his makeup, again, and his skinny figure was covered by a black sweater that hid his hands, pale jeans and the black converse that Seungcheol had never seen him without. His red hair was parted to one side and immediately the surfer knew that had been Jeonghan’s idea. Jihoon never did anything with his locks._ _

__Seungcheol got out of the car and circled around. Jihoon looked confused until the elder opened up the car door. Jihoon went red. Seungcheol took his hand as he (literally) climbed into the land rover._ _

__“So, where do you have in mind?” Seungcheol asked the boy as he climbed in himself._ _

__“Um, nowhere,” Jihoon said. “I a-actually wasn’t expecting to get this far.”_ _

__“You thought I’d say no?” Seungcheol asked. Jihoon nodded._ _

__“I’m glad you said yes,” he said quietly._ _

__Seungcheol grinned widely. “I’m glad you asked.”_ _

__The two made small talk over the stereo, asking about each other’s day. Jihoon wriggled in his seat. He wasn’t good at small talk. He was a very awkward person, and didn’t seem to have really learnt how to socialise. In reality the boy just avoided people._ _

__Seungcheol drove to his favorite restaurant. It wasn’t too posh but it wasn’t too casual either. The man had always wanted to take someone on a date there, but most people he dated didn’t quite feel right for it - it was Seungcheol’s favorite, it was his place, almost a part of him, that very few would appreciate. He couldn’t describe it._ _

__The waiter sat them at a table next to the window. It had an ocean view and a bouquet of roses sat romantically in the middle of the table. Butterflies kicked angrily at Jihoon’s insides and the nerves were making him feel sick. The anxiety increased every second._ _

__“How, um,” he tried to make conversation, “how is P-Princess?”_ _

__“Gorgeous as always,” Seungcheol’s face practically radiated happiness at the mention of his cat. “What were the photos for?”_ _

__Jihoon started panicking. What if Seungcheol thought he was weird and clingy?_ _

__“I wrote an article on calico cats,” he mumbled. He wasn’t sure how Seungcheol had heard him but the man clapped his hands in glee._ _

__“Can I read it?”_ _

__“My b-boss hasn’t approved it yet, but I’ll, uh, send you a link if it’s published.”_ _

__Seungcheol’s eyebrows furrowed together. Jihoon’s hands were shaking and his skin was paler than usual. He was struggling to make eye contact, too. The elder glanced at Jihoon’s hand on the table and placed his own on top._ _

__“There’s no need to be so nervous,” he softly reassured him. “We’ve hung out before, haven’t we?”_ _

__“This is formal,” Jihoon finally looked into Seungcheol’s dark eyes. “I haven’t been on a date in years. I’m not anything special and I’m scared what you’ll think of me, I asked you on a date and didn’t even have anywhere in mind-”_ _

__“Hey, hey, hey,” Seungcheol hushed him. Jihoon was nervously rambling. “It’s fine, okay? I-I like you anyways.” Jihoon repositioned his hand and held onto Seungcheol’s. He was quiet for several moments._ _

__“I like you too.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i wrote abt jihoons oversized sweater i was thinking abt sweate rpaws and when i was proofreading it said smth abt "an oversized sweater that hid his paws" and i spent a solid miniute crying bc i basically wrote jihoon as a furry by accident  
> anwyays  
> thank u for supporting i LoV You all


	13. ocean date

His name was Jihoon and he was currently searching through his suitcase in frustration. He had a lunch date with Seungcheol, despite having a date just the night before as well as the anxiety he had suffered. Throughout the evening he had become more comfortable, reminding himself that Seungcheol hadn’t changed and there was no need to be so nervous. The surfer had been reassuring him, too. He had been lovely. He checked how he was doing and was patient when he stuttered.

Jihoon couldn’t even explain his nerves. He was worried he was going to drive the surfer away. Worried that he would leave, like Soonyoung had. 

He was already sweating about today’s date. They were going to go to the beach, then head to a cafe for lunch. Seungcheol wanted to swim together and Jihoon couldn’t decline. But currently, the problem at hand was that he hadn’t packed any swim shorts.

“Jeonghan?” He called. He nervously bit his thumb, staring at the messy suitcase laying open on his bed.

“What’s up, little dude?” Jeonghan’s head poked around the doorway. He was going on his own date at lunch. Seungcheol had managed to set him up with a blind date.

“Do you have swim shorts I could borrow?” Jihoon asked. Jeonghan’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Nope, they’re still drying. You’re going swimming?”

“In the fucking ocean,” Jihoon confirmed. Jeonghan looked like he could have fainted from the shock. 

After checking Jihoon’s size, Jeonghan headed out to buy him some shorts. Jihoon prayed that he picked nice ones. He had a terrible feeling that his friend would return with a bright pink pair.

He couldn’t decide whether or not to wear a t-shirt. The boy detested his body but on the other hand, he hated how a wet shirt felt against his skin. He wanted to look nice in front of Seungcheol. Then again, one of the first things Seungcheol had said to him was that he looked a bit dead. He didn’t have any visual impressions to make in front of him. Jihoon sighed and chose against a shirt.

An hour later he was waiting by the same brick wall the pair had accidentally met up by a week previously. He was wearing plain black swim shorts with two white stripes lining the bottom. Jihoon was pleased Jeonghan had chosen something decent. An oversized t-shirt hid his upper body. 

“Hey, kiddo!”

Jihoon beamed as Seungcheol came running up. The surfer kissed Jihoon’s cheek, making his blood rush and his heart pound. Seungcheol’s toned legs looked amazing in navy shorts, and his tee was already thrown over his shoulder. This left his abs on display and it took all of Jihoon’s willpower not to stare.

They left their stuff at the surf shack. Jihoon was shocked to see Mingyu was the one who worked there.

“Hey, little party animal!” He exclaimed as soon as he laid eyes on the small boy. Jihoon blinked. Seungcheol laughed at him, playfully shoving him and telling him to leave his date alone. They abandoned their stuff in the back and walked to the beach.

Jihoon felt extremely bare just in shorts. He began to regret not wearing a shirt. A few people stared and he knew it was because his rib cage pressed against his skin. But after all, when he threw away his ring, it was to mark a new version of himself. That meant being comfortable with himself. And swimming in the sea, apparently.

“Are we going straight in?” Seungcheol asked, nodding towards the stretch of ocean, where the sun danced on the waves.

“I don’t know, are we?”

Seungcheol shot Jihoon a grin, running ahead and into the water. Jihoon found himself following, except he slowed down by the time he reached the shore. He stared at his feet. The water licked his toes and now he was even less sure about swimming. Seungcheol was going to think he was a wimp.

“Are you scared?” Seungcheol reappeared in front of him. Jihoon failed to say anything so the surfer took Jihoon’s hands and gently tugged him in. The younger didn’t resist. “You can swim, right?” Jihoon nodded.

Seungcheol took a step back and brought the boy with him. Jihoon’s eyes never left his gaze. Another step. Another. And another. 

“Look at that, you’re waist deep!” Seungcheol exclaimed. Jihoon looked down. So he was! The water was only just at the bottom of Seungcheol’s hips. Jihoon smiled.

“I’m really scared of the ocean,” he admitted. “Pools are fine and I can swim and all, but the ocean…”

“And you agreed on an ocean date?” Seungcheol chuckled. He didn’t look mad. Seungcheol actually thought it was cute. He started teasing him. “Did you want to impress me? Can you not say no to me?” 

Jihoon splashed him. Seungcheol stared in mock offense. Then he splashed him back. They fought for several minutes, laughing and chasing each other. Seungcheol forgot about Jihoon’s fear and waded further in. Jihoon only took a deep breath and then he was following him.

Before he knew it he was treading the water, following Seungcheol around as he continued to swim away. It was the first time in four years that Jihoon had actual, real fun. He was smiling and laughing and it was a shame Minghao wasn’t there with his camera. Jihoon was happy.

Before he knew it Jihoon was underwater. They had swum too deep into the ocean and Jihoon’s confidence decreased quickly and his legs practically failed him when it came to treading in the ocean. The saltwater was filling his lungs. Fear took control and he couldn’t move. It went black.

 

Someone’s lips were on his. That was unusual. They were soft and Jihoon didn’t want it to stop. But it did and hands were then on his chest and his eyes fluttered open. He choked up some water and remembered what had happened.

Seungcheol watched him with worry and relief in his eyes. He was still leaning over Jihoon, checking he was okay, making sure he was safe.

“Hey, kiddo,” he said softly. Jihoon slowly blinked and coughed some more.

“Did I drown?”

“Not quite,” Seungcheol breathed. “I had to perform CPR, though. Weak pulse. Do you feel alright?” 

Jihoon realised then that he was in Seungcheol’s arms. His large hand was on his back and the two cuddled into each other. Jihoon didn’t want him to let go.

“I’m fine,” he said honestly, because he felt okay, just a little out of breath, but mainly because Seungcheol was here and Seungcheol was holding him and in that moment, he truly was okay. His heart may have been beating weakly just a minute ago but it sure as hell wasn’t now.

They decided against a cafe for lunch. Jihoon insisted he was fine but Seungcheol demanded that he rested. He sat Jihoon down in the sand whilst he collected their stuff and then gave him a piggyback to his flat. 

As soon as they got through the door the elder settled Jihoon on his bed. Princess watched in confusion. Seungcheol just chuckled and fed her a treat.

“What should we do for lunch then, hmm?” He hummed, sitting with Jihoon and stroking his hair back. Jihoon had never felt more calm.

“It’s up to you.”

“You nearly died,” Seungcheol stated, “I think you should choose.” Jihoon only smiled.

“Then how about we order a pizza?”

“Sounds good to me.”

 

Jihoon didn’t go home until the evening. He and Seungcheol spent the day lazing around, playing the xBox, and Seungcheol laughed at Jihoon inability to defend himself on a zombie apocalypse game on the PS4. Despite the previous traumatic event on the beach, they had a good - no, great - time together.

Seungcheol dropped Jihoon home. They hovered on the doorstep and talked for just a minute longer. 

“You go home tomorrow, right?” Seungcheol checked.

“Yeah,” Jihoon nodded. His heart sank. In the height of the day’s excitement, he had forgotten it was his last full day in Malibu. He left the next afternoon.

“Then may I see you off at the airport?” The surfer asked. Jihoon smiled.

“Please do.” 

Jihoon felt the urge to kiss him. He almost did. He had to stop himself. He really, really liked Seungcheol. He made him laugh. He made him happy. As he had proved today, he looked after him.

Jihoon never wanted to leave him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heY HEY HEY  
> jihoon originally wasnt gonna nearly drown like i literally said to myslef when i strted thisfic "o that wont happen" buti literally didnt know what else to do so whOoP s down he goes  
> i havent been responding to comments recently?? mianly bc i spend 5 mins replying in my head ad then never actually reply u get me???? i hope  
> but thank u vor ur comments they mean a lot!!!  
> also sorry abt all my typos it take s lot of brain to make the words go in the chapters im EXHUSTED  
> im also rly sorry abt the chapters going downhill? this fic had a good start i think and its just worsened and im sorry i really am trying   
> anyways thank u for reading and all that jfsgdjh


	14. leaving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been so so tired today and a little fuCKER of a bug bit me?? right on the joint of my wrist?? so typings been a bit painful bc of the awkward psotion bc i went to bed instead of sitting at the tablw nbfjhd  
> this is a bit rushed but i desperately wnated to update today?? it seemed unlikely bc i spent an hour staring at the 5 words on the screen and then went and played piano and i just. it wasnt happening so im not sure where half of this shit even came from  
> anwnwyays enjoy the mess

His name was Lee Jihoon and he woke up with a feeling of dread in his chest. He didn’t want to go back to Seoul, but his two weeks of bliss had to end sooner or later.

They weren’t leaving until the afternoon. Seungcheol was going to come over at midday and Jihoon was excited to see him once more. To Jeonghan’s disappointment, the surfer’s friend, Joshua, lived too far away to see Jeonghan again. The man had been his date and according to the elder, it went extremely well. Apparently Jihoon would like him but the boy wasn’t too sure. He rarely liked people on their first meeting. It had taken several conversations with Minghao for him to decide how he felt about him. It all made Seungcheol more special.

Jihoon was dressed half stylish, half for comfort today. He still wanted to look good for Seungcheol but he didn’t want to feel uncomfortable during the flight. He went for a red, white and blue quilted sweater, dark shorts and of course, his converse.

He was currently alone in the house. Jeonghan and Minghao had gone on a walk around the beach which Jihoon had refused to join. The large home to himself was suddenly lonely. He wandered down the stairs and found himself sat at the piano.

His fingers began to play The Entertainer, a quick paced piece that he hadn’t played for years. But he had been through hell memorising it and it was now imprinted in his brain. 

Jihoon had had a big hole in his life even before Soonyoung left. When he had left for college, something didn’t feel right. He realised now it was music. Joy filled his little heart as his hands worked along the keys. Jihoon felt content as the piece drew to a close. The boy spent another minute staring nostalgically at the piano. He decided it was a shame that he didn’t have the space for even a keyboard in his shoebox of a flat.

“What’s up, Hoonio?” Minghao did a Jeonghan and appeared out of nowhere. He received an odd look from Jihoon at the nickname. “Whatcha playing?”

Jeonghan walked in and stared at Jihoon, his dark eyes wide. He hadn’t seen Jihoon anywhere near an instrument in years. Neither knew Jihoon had been playing just a week earlier.

“Nothing.” Jihoon closed the piano, stood up and collapsed onto the sofa. He closed his eyes and soon fell asleep.

 

When his eyes next opened three voices were chatting softly as not to disturb the sleeping Jihoon. His head was on Seungcheol’s lap. He started blushing and rubbed his eyes to disguise the pink flush.

“Morning kiddo,” the surfer teased. “How are you feeling now?”

“I’m okay,” Jihoon said. He sat up, changing position so he was now cuddling into Seungcheol’s side rather than resting on his legs. The elder wrapped his arm around Jihoon.

“I’d assumed you told Jeonghan about yesterday and it came up,” Seungcheol informed him, “and I thought his eyes were going to fall out of his head.” The two laughed.

“As soon as he and I are alone I’m going to get yelled at for not looking after myself,” Jihoon said. Seungcheol smiled, his eyes shining brighter than the stars.

Jihoon’s friends joined in their discussion at that point so he shut his eyes again and blocked them out. Seungcheol’s thumb was brushing his neck and Jihoon loved it. He couldn’t explain the calm he felt with the surfer. It was like he had been a raging storm all these years and Seungcheol was what calmed the waters.

“Ooh, before I forget,” Seungcheol let go of Jihoon, to his dismay, and reached for his backpack by his feet. “Close your eyes and hold your hands out.” Jihoon did as he was told. Jeonghan and Minghao watched curiously as something with sharp corners was placed in Jihoon’s hands. He opened his eyes.

“I gathered you hadn’t bought any souvenirs or anything, so I thought I’d buy you a little something personally from your’s truly,” Seungcheol grinned. It was a Thor pop vinyl. Jihoon beamed. He held it like it would fall apart any moment. Jeonghan laughed and called him a nerd. The boy didn’t take any notice.

“You didn’t have to,” he said. Seungcheol shook his head.

“I wanted to! I saw your cute little face staring at my collection and I know you love Thor,” the surfer insisted. Jihoon quickly kissed Seungcheol’s cheek (Jeonghan gasped) before disappearing upstairs to safely pack the figure.

The time to leave for the airport came quickly. Far too quickly. Seungcheol drove them, Jihoon in the passenger seat and his friends in the back. The boy was quiet and leaned his head against the car window. 

It got harder. Every second got worse, knowing that every second was closer to the two being apart. It began to hurt more until it was a deep ache in Jihoon’s chest and he was clinging to Seungcheol like a koala.

They had a few minutes left to board the plane and Jihoon stood in Seungcheol’s arms, moments away from boarding the plane. Seungcheol was holding him close, never wanting to let him go. Jihoon was almost crying.

“You look after yourself, alright?” The surfer murmured. “Maybe don’t go treading water for a while.” Jihoon managed a small chuckle.

“Jihoon!” Jeonghan yelled. “We’ll miss the flight!”

“Go, Hoon,” Seungcheol said softly. “Don’t piss Jeonghan off.” It took several moments for Jihoon to painfully tear himself away. He didn’t want to make eye contact because then the tears would flow. 

“Call me often, okay?” He said. Seungcheol nodded.

“Of course.”

Jihoon turned. He walked away, trying so, so hard not to cry. But it didn’t quite feel right. He ran back into Seungcheol’s arms and it was almost romantic, if it wasn’t for Seungcheol stumbling back. Jihoon leaned up and his lips were on his. It felt good. Minghao whooped in the background but the couple blocked him out.

“Maybe we can make this work long distance,” Jihoon whispered when they pulled apart. Seungcheol nodded.

“We can definitely give it a shot,” he agreed. They kissed once more.

“An item?” Jihoon asked, his voice barely audible.

“An item,” Seungcheol confirmed. Jihoon nodded. He smiled. Then he ran back to Jeonghan and Minghao, as if nothing had happened. 

He didn’t quite cry. The tears came but they didn’t fall because Jihoon angrily blinked them away. However he was silent throughout the flight, stuck in his own world. Jihoon already missed Seungcheol. 

Minghao and Jeonghan spoke for the first hour. They tried to get Jihoon engaged but nothing was working so they left him alone, Minghao telling Jeonghan how excited he was to come back to Korea and see Junhui, Jeonghan complaining about having to get to know Joshua through messaging and awkward timezones. 

 

Jihoon’s flat felt lonelier than ever when he walked into his flat. It was cold and bad memories flooded in. Before they left for Malibu he and Jeonghan had cleaned it up so at least empty bottles weren’t lying everywhere as they usually were. 

The boy placed his pop vinyl on the shelf by the sofa and that was as close as he got to unpacking that day. He collapsed upon his uncomfortable, single bed and shot Seungcheol a text. He shut his eyes and tried to sleep, despite it being 9am, knowing it was going to be difficult to stay away from alcohol on his own. 

Nearly six thousand miles away, Seungcheol lay on his own bed with Princess on his stomach. He stared sadly at the message on his screen.

**Jihoon ❤️  
i already miss you ******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad  
> THIS US WHEER updates actually slow down because its gnna be a few fillers and then. SOMEONE will be here look forward to it if it sticks to my plan it gets exciting so sTay FOr ThAT if u wanna  
> anyways im sorry for my shitty chapters recently but thank u for reading and commenting regardless


	15. pool table

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i nearly named this chapter yikes i cant decide  
> also. upcoming existential crisis maybe i saw it in a video and i cant stop thinking about it

His name was Lee Jihoon and he was staring blankly at a computer screen, Junhui rambling beside him. He was talking about whatever he and his boyfriend had done the night before. Jihoon wasn’t really listening. He was staring into space, bored out of his mind.

“-and then Minghao said-”

“Look, Junhui,” Jihoon finally looked at him. Junhui paused dramatically, with one hand still in the air and his mouth hanging open. “I really don’t care.”

Junhui pouted at him just for a moment before talking again. “Just because your boyfriend’s a thousand miles away and mine’s in my flat.”

“Nine thousand miles, actually,” Jihoon muttered, going back to typing after an hour’s slump. It had been a month since Jihoon had left Malibu and he was still depressed about it, missing Seungcheol more and more every day they were apart. Minghao had come back to Korea with him and Jeonghan to see his boyfriend. The photojournalist had stayed with Jun for a few days before visiting Amsterdam and London. He had then returned to Seoul and was staying with Jun once again. This meant a full recollection from Junhui of how they spent their evenings together. It made Jihoon miss Seungcheol more.

Long distance relationships turned out to be hard, especially with a seventeen hour time difference. Jihoon worked most days and by the time he got home, Seungcheol was already asleep. He slept later sometimes, if Jihoon sent him a message to say he was having a rough day. Occasionally he stayed up later when he missed Jihoon the most. The younger hated those times. Seungcheol would always be struggling to stay awake and Jihoon knew he ended up tired the next day. He worried about him on those days.

“How do you manage a long distance relationship, Jun?” Jihoon asked with a sigh. Junhui wheeled up to him in his chair. His eyes were glistening.

“Are you asking me for love advice?”

Jihoon shrugged. “I guess.”

Junhui made a show as he thought about what to say. He tapped his chin, stroked an imaginary beard and loudly hummed. He spun around once on his chair and kicked himself back. Jihoon then watched as he awkwardly pushed himself forward again.

“Talk a lot. A whole lot. And call and facetime,” Jun advised, “it stops you from forgetting why you like them, I guess. But I believe that if it doesn’t work out, you’re not meant to be.”

Jihoon scoffed. “What, fate?” His colleague nodded. “You believe in that?”

“I don’t even believe in free will,” Junhui said. He took a deep breath. Jihoon prepared his attention span, ready for a full hour speech about destiny. “I mean, let’s say you have a pool table, and you hit the black ball and they all go off in different directions. If you have some programming or whatever and can hit it the exact same way again and again, they’ll all go the same way again and again, right?” Jihoon blinked. He took it all in. Pool table, balls shooting everywhere, the same way repeatedly. He slowly nodded.

Jun continued. “So if the big bang happens the same way again and again, like hitting the ball, we would always end up having this conversation. Everything we do is written in the big bang. Therefore, no free will. Because of the way shit exploded.” Jihoon was taken aback. He stared at his friend in amazement. He felt like he had a point. It made Junhui felt quite accomplished.

Jihoon decided he didn’t like the way the big bang had occured. Maybe what was written in the stars would be written in another way and he never would’ve met Soonyoung, he’d be in a job he liked and he would be with Seungcheol right now. His heart hurt. He really, really missed Seungcheol.

The clock ticked slowly but eventually 5pm rolled around and Jihoon started his walk home. The October air held a light chill but his new blazer gave him enough warmth. It was quite peaceful. He was completely lost in his thoughts until he walked straight into someone that nearly knocked him over.

“Shit, sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay,” they said. Jihoon froze. So did the other person. Jihoon didn’t look up. The other person stared. The boy felt sick. He recognised that voice. How could he forget it? The color left his skin.

“Jihoon?” Soonyoung said, his usually thin eyes widening in shock. They finally made eye contact and Jihoon wanted to run away, never see that man again, be with Seungcheol and move on.

“Hi, Soonyoung,” he mumbled. His feet were stuck to the spot.

“It’s been so long!” His ex exclaimed, as if the last conversation they had had never happened. “How have you been?”

“Fine.”

“How’s work going?” Soonyoung continued to talk. Not much seemed to have changed about him. He looked well. Much better than Jihoon did before Malibu. Much, much better. Of course he did. There had never been a betrayal or a heartbreak for Soonyoung. Jihoon had been through it all.

“Fine.” Jihoon muttered. He broke the eye contact and stared at his feet.

“Maybe we can meet up sometime and catch up?” Soonyoung asked. Jihoon weakly nodded. He didn’t know why. He didn’t want to meet up. “Are you free Saturday? Let’s say...twelve? At the one we used to go to when we were teenagers!”

Sirens were blaring in Jihoon’s head, telling him to say no and walk away. “Okay.” 

“Alright. See you then!” Soonyoung smiled. He bowed politely and walked away. 

Jihoon stood stunned. Then his heart sped up and he was breathing heavily. Hot tears slipped down his cheeks. He couldn’t move. The boy stood there in shock, strangers giving him odd looks and cursing at him to move out of the way.

It was hot. His face felt like it was burning and he swayed on his feet for just a second before he collapsed, unconscious on the streets of Seoul.

 

His name was Yoon Jeonghan and he was taking a relaxed walk when he glanced across the street and saw a few people circle around something. His curiosity took control so he crossed the road. His eyes widened when he saw Jihoon, pale and unconscious.

“I know him,” Jeonghan said to no one in particular. He knelt down, yelling at the nearby pedestrians to stop staring. They gave him space.

As Jihoon’s eyes fluttered open, the elder mumbled words of comfort and rubbed his back. Now that he knew he was alright, Jeonghan picked him up and held him close. Jihoon rested his head against Jeonghan’s chest. It took a minute for Jeonghan to realise he was crying.

“What’s up, little dude?” He softly questioned. The man felt Jihoon’s arm weakly wrap around his neck.

“Soonyoung.”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows furrowed. Soonyoung?

“What about him?”

“I saw him. Spoke to him.” 

Jeonghan didn’t know what to say. He bit his lip and continued walking. The only sound between them for the remainder of the walk was Jihoon’s light sobs.

It had been four years and Jeonghan still despised Soonyoung. It had been such a shock when he left. The three of them had all gone to college together, Soonyoung in a nearby dormitory block and Jeonghan and Jihoon just a hallway apart. The trio had been close. Jihoon’s boyfriend was bubbly and funny, one of the kindest people you could ever hope to meet. Yet out of the blue, fresh out of college, Jihoon was sobbing on Jeonghan’s doorstep. 

Soonyoung broke him. Destroyed him. He was sure the man had said something more than never loving Jihoon because the boy had never been the same. He began drinking, stopped eating, and overall didn’t bother caring for himself. That was when Jeonghan had really stepped in. He checked up on him frequently to see how Jihoon was. He was depressed but Jeonghan wanted to believe that he was okay. 

He didn’t quite realise how bad it was until two years later, when Jeonghan found Jihoon on a bridge that overlooked rocky waters. He had texted Jeonghan a simple “i cant do this” and the elder knew something was wrong. Really wrong. He drove to Jihoon’s flat and then to the most dangerous spots nearby that he could think of. The boy was standing on the other side of the bridge’s railings. Jeonghan had had to talk him out of suicide. They agreed to never speak about it again. The elder often questioned that agreement.

He still had nightmares about that night. Jeonghan didn’t want to lose Jihoon. He knew he occasionally got on Jihoon’s nerves because of how overprotective he was, but at the end of the day, he was the only person Jihoon was close to. He had Junhui but they barely spoke outside of work. He was lonely. Jeonghan was grateful for Seungcheol, for keeping the boy happy, which no one else had managed.

Once inside Jihoon’s flat, the two friends sat on the younger’s bed. Jeonghan held Jihoon close, stroking his hair and rocking him ever so slightly as he softly cried. He was mostly calm now, only sniffling.

“Jeonghan?”

“Hmm?” Jeonghan hummed, looking into Jihoon’s eyes.

“I really, really hate Soonyoung.”

Jeonghan laughed. “I do too, little dude.”

“I agreed to meet up with him,” Jihoon’s voice was a whisper. “Can you hang out nearby, in case I need you?”

Jeonghan blinked. He didn’t expect that. “Of course I will.”

Jihoon was quiet. He repositioned so his head was in Jeonghan’s lap.”

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all we are is a programmed game of pool  
> i am SO SORRY for not updating for like. how long???? 3/4 days????? thats YEARS compared to my usual update schedule i just wasnt too sure what to do now that jihoons home and carmen was like "yo. soonyoung"  
> anOTHER REASON I DIDNT UPDATE was because there was snow!!!!!! the snow never settles where im from and it SETTLED and it made me wish this wasnt a summeryish fic and that cheol was a canadian snow plougher,,, god can u imagine that  
> ANYWAYS  
> thank u for reading and all that jazz!! it means SO MUCH and ill try and update quicker now that soons here im excited


	16. hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never know what to name my chapters  
> anyways i put cheol in this one bc i missed him

His name was Lee Jihoon and he woke up on Saturday with a feeling of dread. He hadn’t told Seungcheol about Soonyoung. He wasn’t ready. Jihoon didn’t know that the surfer already knew about him. 

Jihoon smiled upon turning on his phone. He had several texts from his boyfriend, as per usual, which were mainly selfies with his cat as well as a request to facetime when Jihoon was up. He told him to give him a minute and proceeded to practically roll out of bed.

He dressed plainly, in black jeans and a black sweater. The boy quickly brushed his hair, threw on a bit of makeup and called Seungcheol. He smiled as soon as his screen was filled up with his beautiful boyfriend’s face.

“Good morning, kiddo,” he greeted cheerfully.

“Afternoon,” Jihoon nodded. Seungcheol was surprised to see Jihoon already dressed with makeup.

“Where are you going today?” He questioned. “It’s, what, 10am over there? And you’re dressed, bit of makeup, neater hair...are you feeling okay?”

Jihoon ran his fingers through his light hair - it was now a rusty red with dark roots, as he hadn’t colored it since Malibu. “I’m meeting up with someone that I haven’t seen for years. I need him to think I have my life together.”

Seungcheol was intrigued. “Who?”

“My ex fiance,” Jihoon blurted. His eyes widened as soon as the words left his mouth. He looked at Seungcheol, who did look confused, but not as confused as Jihoon had expected.

“Soonyoung?” He confirmed.

“How the hell- did Jeonghan tell you?”

“Nah, drunk Jihoon did,” Seungcheol gave him a small smile. “After that party.”

Jihoon sighed, exasperated. Trust drunk Jihoon to spill his secrets. He made a mental note to ask about that at some other time. What if Seungcheol was with him out of pity? Jihoon began to bite his nails.

“Drunk Jihoon also told me he hated Soonyoung, so how have you ended up meeting with him?” His boyfriend asked curiously. He wasn’t angry, he just wanted to understand Jihoon’s thoughts. It snapped the boy back to reality so Jihoon briefly explained the other day’s events, wishing more and more each second that he had never agreed to go out for lunch. Seungcheol was looking worried. He saw how anxious the boy was, even if Jihoon didn’t express it vocally. The younger didn’t like him worrying, so he quickly reassured him that Jeonghan was going to be nearby. This seemed to satisfy him.

“I’d punch Soonyoung in the face but I’m nine thousand miles away,” he sighed.

“Stretch.” Jihoon suggested. Seungcheol nodded and laughed, promising to try.

They didn’t talk for too long because Jihoon needed phone battery to text Jeonghan if he needed him later. The short call still put Jihoon in a better mood regardless. Seungcheol always did. He was so positive, so caring. The man simply radiated good vibes.

Jeonghan showed up sooner than Jihoon expected him to. Their little plan was that the elder would drop him off then read in the park almost opposite the cafe, so he wasn’t even a minute away if the younger abruptly wanted to leave. Jihoon knew that Jeonghan wasn’t too happy about him seeing his ex. The boy was getting better - much, much better - he didn’t need the memories of Soonyoung bothering him again. Maybe it would offer some actual, final disclosure. 

Jihoon’s friend looked him up and down approvingly. He then pulled Jihoon closer to him and inspected his makeup. He tutted.

“One eyebrows darker than the other at the front,” Jeonghan said. Jihoon rolled his eyes. The elder licked his finger and dabbed at one eyebrow, then nodded. “That’ll do.”

“Is this why you’re here early?” Jihoon asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice. “To check how I look?”

“No!” Jeonghan denied. “In case you needed some last minute support.” Jihoon had a feeling that it was both. 

He stared out of the window by the sofa. The view was plain - just the backs of people’s unkempt gardens, and a few parked cars. It was boring. Jihoon hated it. He hated Seoul. It held too many bad memories and now...Soonyoung.

What was Soonyoung doing in Seoul? When he left, he said he was leaving for Japan. Yet here he was, roaming around in Korea and bumping into Jihoon. The boy didn’t notice his nails digging into his palms as he clenched his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

Less than fifteen minutes later he was entering Aroma Mocha, the cafe shop he knew as well as the back of his hand. In the corner, Soonyoung relaxed in a grey oversized t-shirt tucked into darker jeans and watched Jihoon make his way over. The younger felt sick as he perched his rear in the pale wooden chair.

“You look well,” Soonyoung told him. “A lot more tanned than when we parted.” 

Jihoon only nodded. He looked at his hands rather than Soonyoung’s eyes. An awkward silence hung in the air. Soonyoung took a breath.

“Look, I wanted to say sorry for before,” the man said. “I didn’t want to hurt you-”

“You didn’t want to hurt me?” Jihoon scoffed. All the anger from those years before was returning, triggered by Soonyoung’s words. “By calling off our wedding? By telling me you never loved me? By telling me no one would ever love me? By fucking off to Japan? And the whole time, you didn’t want to hurt me?” 

“Jihoon-”

“I don’t want to hear a sob story,” Jihoon was almost shouting now and people were giving them looks. He bit his lip and took deep breaths to calm himself down.

Soonyoung reached across the table and held Jihoon’s small hands in his. “None of it was true. I said that for me, to make it easier for me to leave. I loved you. I always loved you. And I still do.”

Jihoon was shaking. He felt the tears and fought to push them back as Soonyoung leaned closer.

“You’re still so beautiful, Jihoon. We can make it work again,” he whispered.

“I have a boyfriend,” Jihoon tried to pull his hands away but his ex had a firm grasp. 

“Where is he?”

“C-California,” the younger stuttered, still trying to break away from Soonyoung’s grip. The man only smiled. He let go of one of Jihoon’s hands and allowed his fingers to caress Jihoon’s cheek until they reached his lips. His soft thumb traced the outline.

“He won’t know,” he smiled. His hand hovered on Jihoon’s face.

Jihoon felt like he was going to throw up. He tried to think. Then the boy realised he could take advantage of Soonyoung’s thumb by his lip, so he leaned forward and bit down as hard as he could. It worked. The man yelped and pulled his hands back to nurse his bleeding thumb. Jihoon used the distraction to push his chair back and stand up, and marching out of the cafe with more confidence than he actually had. He was hyperventilating. The boy broke into a run to the park, hot tears staining his skin. 

Jeonghan was sat on a bench, a book in his hands. It was artistic. Another time Jihoon would’ve taken out his phone and got a picture. But this wasn’t another time. He pulled his wrist, stopping sobs racking his little body. The younger fell into his friend’s arms, where he felt safe. Jeonghan was like a brother. It was comforting just to have him there.

“Did something happen? It’s okay,” he held Jihoon close, asking no questions because he knew Jihoon would tell him when he was ready. For now he simply rocked him, and soon drove him home to get away from Soonyoung. Jeonghan stayed with him in his flat because he knew Jihoon needed him. He needed him so he wouldn’t go out and drink. He needed him.

Jeonghan watched Jihoon as he fell asleep on his lap. His cheeks were stained and his eyes were puffy. The elder didn’t let go. He relaxed against the wall and rocked his friend as though he were a newborn baby rather than a twenty-something man.

Sometimes Jeonghan’s friends asked him why he stuck with Jihoon. He was grumpy, he was useless, he was ungrateful. A part of Jeonghan knew that much was true but without him, Jihoon had no one. He lived hours away from his family. No one else put up with him except Seungcheol, but he was even further away than his parents. Jihoon relied on Jeonghan to look out for him, clean his flat some days and drag him out of bed on others. Without him, Jihoon wouldn’t have a job. He told himself that he needed him.

So Jeonghan continued caring for him without a thank you. He checked that the boy was still alright when he hadn’t heard from him. He saw that he ate and saw that the alcohol hadn’t poisoned him. 

It made Jeonghan glad that Jihoon had Seungcheol, even if it wasn’t physically. The surfer distracted Jihoon from drinking too much most nights, staying up later than usual just to talk to him. He made Jihoon smile and he made Jihoon laugh - something no one had been able to do for a few years. 

Jihoon was getting better, and Jeonghan wanted to make sure Soonyoung wasn’t about to fuck that up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soryr cheol was awkwardly slotted in i didnt have the heart to cut him out  
> and boy do i have some sHIT PLANNED yall probably dont care much but i still hope yall care bc i do  
> also lets pretend i dont say yall too much for a brit  
> thank u for readin and kudos and all!!! its appreciated


	17. absent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fillerfillerfillerfillerfiller

His name was Kwon Soonyoung and he stared at the tooth marks on his thumb. The blood was dry and the skin was slightly raised. He didn’t care. The man wrapped a plaster around it, indifferent to any pain. He deserved the pain, though. Even if he had never wanted to hurt Jihoon, he still had. 

But God, did he still love him. Soonyoung had never stopped loving him from the day they met. His family moved to Japan when he was twenty, engaged, and deeply in love, and he needed a way to convince himself to leave. That meant shutting Jihoon out. It was the hardest decision of his life and he found himself feeding both he and Jihoon lies.

Soonyoung remembered how perfect their lives were together. They shared a flat and each morning, without fail, they’d cuddle in the mornings, lay in bed in each others arms, the definition of happiness. Their day was never short of hugs. Jihoon insisted he hated them but he relaxed when Soonyoung surprised him with a back hug or pulled him into his arms when he got home from class.

They were so happy together. They had their wedding planned. They loved each other more than anything else in the world.

And then Soonyoung had to go and ruin it.

Soonyoung hit a glass in frustration. It fell off the counter with a loud smash to match Soonyoung’s angered yell. He stared at the pieces. The man didn’t bother to clean it up. He left his flat, hoping to find Jihoon. He didn’t know where the boy lived. That was okay. Soonyoung would fix that soon enough.

 

Seungcheol hadn’t heard from Jihoon since they facetimed that Saturday. It had only been three days but he was growing restless, tapping his feet, his hands, his fingers. Eventually Joshua slapped his hands and called him back to earth.

“Dude, calm down,” he said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Seungcheol lied.

“Hey, you aren’t fooling anyone. Tell me.”

The surfer sighed. “Jihoon met his ex on Saturday, and he was really anxious about it, and I haven’t heard from him since and I’m so scared about whether or not he’s okay,” the elder began to ramble. Joshua raised his eyebrows. “He even took Jeonghan with him-”

“I’ve heard from Jeonghan,” Joshua cut him off. “If he went with him and something happened, Jeonghan would’ve said.” 

Seungcheol nodded, still worrying. He tore a hangnail from his thumb and barely noticed. His friend sighed and took the man’s hand away from his mouth before he could do more damage.

“Just call him,” Joshua ordered. 

Seungcheol shook his head. “You think I haven’t tried?”

Joshua rolled his eyes and insisted he was worried about nothing. The surfer wasn’t convinced. Joshua wasn’t in the mood for him. He’d had rough couple of weeks and was now struggling with a long distance relationship, too. He didn’t want to have to pick up his best friend’s pieces. 

They sat in a coffee shop halfway between Malibu and Los Angeles. Joshua had looked forward to being with his friend, but was annoyed about Seungcheol being away with the fairies the whole time. The man was overreacting, Josh was sure.

Seungcheol was checking his phone every minute and staring out of the window. Joshua sighed loudly. He was glaring but of course, his friend didn’t notice.

“If you’re just going to whine over your boyfriend taking some time to himself, I’m going home,” he announced. Seungcheol nodded.

“See you around.”

Joshua huffed, throwing his backpack on and stormed out of the cafe.

Seungcheol tapped Jihoon’s contact. Then a thought came into his head.

What if he still liked Soonyoung? What if that’s why he went quiet? Maybe Jihoon didn’t like Seungcheol after all. Maybe he had been wanting someone the whole time, but now Soonyoung was back, he had pushed Seungcheol away. 

With a frustrated yell, Seungcheol stood up and left the coffee shop, ignoring people’s stares. 

The half-hour drive to his flat was full of anxiety. A million thoughts ran through his head all at once.

_He’s hurt. He’s cheating. He’s avoiding you. He’s just tired. Maybe he’s just working. Just busy. Visiting his parents. Needs some space. You’re overreacting. Or he’s with Soonyoung. Cheating. Kissing another guy. Nine thousand miles away, anything could happen and you’ll never know. ___

__Once home, he collapsed on the sofa, staring at his phone screen. Princess nudged his face and for the first time, Seungcheol ignored her. He longed for the three dots to pop up, signalling that Jihoon was typing a reply at last._ _

__In the deep, depressing pit with no one to talk to, he fell deep into his own mind. He dropped his phone and looked fixedly at the ceiling. His thoughts escalated from Jihoon to Joshua to every detail of his own life._ _

__He thought about how shit he was to Joshua that day. He sighed heavily and texted a quick apology. One less thing to worry about. The man just pushed aside the knowledge that Joshua was growing tired and grumpy and may not forgive that easily..._ _

__He and Joshua were growing apart. Seungcheol hated it. They had less and less in common and less and less to talk about. Seungcheol was a proofreader and Joshua was training to be a professor. They lived a whole hour away and mainly texted, when Josh wasn’t busy, that was._ _

__In many ways, Seungcheol envied Joshua. The pair were the same age, yet the younger knew what he wanted and how to get there. He was born into a rich family, immediately privileged. Seungcheol’s parents had to save for years to get his college funds. Joshua had them immediately. He was working towards a successful career and Seungcheol barely knew what he wanted to do. All the surfer knew was that he absolutely hated his office job._ _

__And in the spur of the moment, Seungcheol sat up, startling his cat, and walked to his desk with a pen in hand. He got to work on a resignation letter._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how but josh ended up grumpy so i just rolled with it like "yeah whatever" and it kinda works thnak fuck  
> this chapters a mess bc i started rambling in the hopes that i found a point? neevr found it, still searching, leaving it as this,, but cheollie did quit his job? so? character development i suppose  
> thank u for comments, even if i dont reply i read them five times and theymake my day thank u ily


	18. fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didNT KNOW WHAT TO NAME THIS CHAPTER  
> its 7:49am and im meant to be getting ready for school but im desperate to update bc ao3 was down for hours last night when i finished this hcapter u gh  
> ok enjoy

His name was Jihoon and he woke up with a splitting headache. It took a few moments for his eyes to focus and his brain to register the man wandering around his shoebox flat, picking up bottles with a blank face.

When Jeonghan saw that Jihoon’s eyes were following him through the covers, he didn’t greet him softly like he did before. Jihoon was too hungover to notice.

“I thought we agreed you would get help for this,” Jeonghan spoke up. Jihoon cowered back under his duvet and gave the impression of a puppy in trouble.

“I’ve had a rough week, you know I have.”

Jeonghan placed the trash bag he was holding next to the door. The group of bottles inside gently rocked against each other.

“I didn’t make you promise just for yourself, Hoon,” the elder said. Jihoon only blinked. Jeonghan crossed his arms and Jihoon knew Jeonghan was pissed off now. “Do you know how much of a pain it is for me to help you out so often? Do you even realise how much of my free time I use up to make sure you haven’t kicked the bucket? I’m late for work because of you. I’m on my last strike.”

Jihoon glared back. “I don’t ask for your help.”

“You would’ve starved to death or poisoned yourself if it wasn’t for me-”

“Well, maybe that’s what I wanted!” Jihoon argued. Jeonghan’s tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek.

“You are such a selfish little shit, you know that, right?” He snapped. The man immediately regretted it. He saw the look on Jihoon’s face and took a deep breath. He gently laid down next to Jihoon, a little squashed in his single bed, and held his brother-like friend close.

“I just want you to be okay,” he murmured. They stayed like that for a minute until Jihoon finally spoke up, asking for aspirin in a very small voice. Jeonghan couldn’t help but chuckle and got out of bed, heading towards the small kitchen.

The man watched his friend swallow the pill. He sighed quietly. He knew that Jihoon hadn’t stopped drinking, only cut down on how much he consumed. But he didn’t want to fight so he stayed silent on the matter. Jihoon remained undisturbed. Until Jeonghan remembered his conversation with Joshua the night before.

“Oh, you should call Seungcheol,” Jeonghan said. “Shua says he’s going insane from worry.”

“What kind of nickname is Shua?” Jihoon’s hand emerged from the covers and patted around for his phone. Eventually he found it and tapped iMessage. Twelve texts from Seungcheol. Jihoon found himself smiling.

Nine thousand miles away in sunny California, Seungcheol’s phone vibrated. A big smile stretched upon his face. A text from Jihoon after four anxious days was better than Donald Trump being voted out of office. Well, almost.

 

When Jihoon was feeling less hungover and more himself, he decided to clear his mind with a walk. He travelled alone. Jeonghan had gone home soon after cleaning his flat. Although he didn’t show it, Jihoon was grateful for everything Jeonghan did for him. He owed him big time.

The park was empty. It was a Tuesday, after all. Jihoon perched on a lonely swing, swaying himself back and forth on the tips of his feet. The cool October breeze ruffled his locks. He pulled his sweater further down his hands to keep them warm.

The park was eerily quiet since all the kids were at school. There weren’t even any teenagers skipping class and smoking nearby, which was odd. Jihoon didn’t really think much of it, he was just grateful for the silence.

He closed his eyes and felt a warm embrace. It was comforting. He almost smiled. Then his eyes shot open and Jihoon’s whole, small body tensed up.

“Hello, Hoonie,” Soonyoung cooed. His breath was warm on Jihoon’s cheek, causing his ghostly skin to glow red.

“I told you I have a boyfriend.”

“And I told you that if he’s in California, it doesn’t matter.” Soonyoung held Jihoon tighter, rocking back and forth so that Jihoon swung with him.

“What the fuck do you want?” Jihoon asked. He tried to wriggle out of Soonyoung’s grasp, but failed miserably. Soonyoung laughed.

“Temper, temper,” he teased playfully, like he used to in college. It made Jihoon smile back then. Now it just stung. Soonyoung turned serious, leaning his face into the crook of Jihoon’s neck. “I want your love.”

It sent shivers down his spine. He remained emotionless as he said, “too bad.” 

“Don’t be like this. We can still be happy to-“

“No,” Jihoon said forcefully. His heart felt like it was going to burst through his chest. 

Moments passed but Soonyoung didn’t budge. The once peaceful silence now burned, bringing pain to Jihoon’s chest.

“Why are you being like this?” Jihoon spoke finally. His voice was soft. He found that he didn’t want to fight with a man he used to love so much.

“Because I miss you,” his ex said. He spoke softly too, almost in a whisper. “I thought about you everyday when I was in Japan.”

Jihoon stared blankly at the ground, kicking in a hole with the tip of his converse.

“I thought about you too,” he admitted, “and I hated it. It hurt. So I drank the memories away and I’m still recovering. I stood on the very edge of a bridge, one slip away from falling, and Jeonghan had to talk me out of letting go. Out of killing myself. All because of you.”

Soonyoung was shocked but kept talking.“I can’t apologise enough, can I?”

“No, you fucking can’t.” His angry tone highlighted his Busan accent. Soonyoung almost smiled. “You ruined me.”

Finally, when Jihoon tried to escape once more, Soonyoung let him. The younger stood up and turned to face Soonyoung. Well, as close as he could when he was 5’4 and the elder was 5’10.

“You taught me what it was to love and so thanks for that, I guess,” Jihoon said. “But that part of my life? You and me? Finished. Just accept it and move on, okay? I know it’s hard. It took me four years. But you’re the one who fucked off in the first place. You don’t have the right to come crawling back to me.”

Jihoon turned and left Soonyoung gazing sadly after him.

 

The moon shone bright and highlighted Jeonghan’s dark hair in silver wisps. His skin glowed in the mixed moon and streetlights. It was late. So late that the city was asleep.

His step was calm. His shoulders were relaxed and the soft breeze ran through his hair. Jeonghan was happy. 

He didn’t know that someone was behind him. They were following him, all the while carefully watching his every step with a hawk's eye. Their pace quickened. Still, they made no sound.

Then hands were on Jeonghan’s neck and mouth. He was pulled into the nearest ally way as he squirmed and fought against their strong hold.

“Stay calm, I only want one thing,” Soonyoung growled. Jeonghan was stunned into silence as Soonyoung removed his hand from his lips and reached into his pocket. The man whipped out a swiss army knife, flicking out the blade and holding it against Jeonghan’s neck. The steel was cold. Jeonghan was shaking.

“I want Jihoon’s number,” Soonyoung demanded. “Slowly, so I can memorise.”

Jeonghan pursed his lips shut. He wasn’t going to knowingly put his best friend in harm’s way. Besides, he was sure Soonyoung wouldn’t have the guts to slice his throat. But something warm was suddenly on Jeonghan’s neck and dripping down to his shirt. He was bleeding. Soonyoung had actually cut in.

“Zero…” Jeonghan gasped. “Nine…” Soonyoung allowed Jeonghan to type into his phone. Then recited it incorrectly, to check it was real by seeing if Jeonghan corrected him. 

Jeonghan did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dammit jeonghan  
> thank u for reading and commenting i love u all


	19. guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 updates in one day? wow  
> i wasnt gonna update so soon bc i wanted to be evil but i mean. i might as well itll only sit in my google docs and ill probably forget abt it so. here u go

His name was Yoon Jeonghan and he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He had barely slept, recovering from the shock of nearly having his throat slit. He was as white as a sheet. The previous night had been spent feeling so full of fear and shock that he had actually thrown up.

His bony hands traced the dried blood along his neck. Jeonghan felt sick with guilt. Now Jihoon was vulnerable. So vulnerable. Because of him. Soonyoung now had his contact information, for fuck’s sake. Jeonghan sobbed, leaning against the cold, bathroom sink.

How could he ever face Jihoon again? Jihoon had trusted him. And despite everything, Jeonghan had always been there for him, looking out for and protecting the boy. 

But what else could he have done? Died? Allowed Soonyoung to dig into his throat? Maybe he should’ve been stronger. Maybe he should’ve been braver. Maybe he should have kicked and screamed, caused a scene and ran away.

Jeonghan scrambled back into bed, still crying, trying to warm himself up. He was glad he didn’t have work today. The man curled up as small as he could, deep beneath his duvet. 

He didn’t know how long he lay there for. It could’ve been minutes but it could’ve been an hour or more. But either way, when his phone started vibrating on his desk, he was grateful for a distraction. It was a facetime call from Joshua.

“Hey darl-whoa, whoa, whoa, have you been crying?” His cat-like eyes widened with worry. 

“I, uh, watched the Book Thief,” Jeonghan lied. Joshua fell for it and nodded knowingly, even chuckling. 

Jeonghan kept his neck covered, by his hands, sheets, anything subtle. He nodded along and faked a smile as Joshua cheerily chatted about his day. Normally Jeonghan listened to every word, remembering every detail. But now, all he could think about was Soonyoung and Jihoon.

When Joshua’s talking fizzled out, the man tilted his head at his phone screen. Jeonghan blinked back.

“You aren’t fooling me, you know,” his boyfriend said. Jeonghan blinked again. “What’s up?”

“The Book Thief,” he blurted. Joshua raised an eyebrow. Jeonghan tried again. “Finding Nemo?”

“Jeonghan-”

“Finding Dory! Toy Story 3? Tangled.”

“Jeonghan, tell me-wait, what’s so sad about Tangled?” Joshua had successfully been distracted.

Jeonghan faked a pout. “Just is.”

Joshua shook his head. “Whatever’s bothering you, talk about it to someone, alright? I don’t want you bottling things up.”

Jeonghan mumbled an okay, still absent mindedly running his thumb along his neck. He sighed and looked at Joshua’s concerned face on the screen.

“I just don’t feel well, okay?” He sighed. It wasn’t a lie, exactly. Joshua knew he wasn’t getting anything out of him, so he blew him a kiss and let him go.

Jeonghan lay on his back for just a few moments before climbing out of bed and getting dressed. He threw on jeans and a sweater, then a jacket and a tightly wrapped scarf. 

He didn’t pray often. He didn’t pray at all, in fact. But now he found himself sitting on the end of a church pew, praying to God that He would never let any harm come to Jihoon.

 

“You know, Minghao still hasn’t cut out his mullet,” Junhui yacked. Jihoon punched his keyboard, trying to drown out Junhui’s voice.

“How very unfortunate,” he said, not caring at all. “It’s like a rat’s tail.”

“What’s wrong with rats’ tails?” Junhui almost screamed. Jihoon gave him a look.

“Why are you so defensive over rats?”

“I own one,” Junhui said proudly, like he was talking about his child. Although, in Junhui’s eyes, he was. “She’s called Furry.”

Jihoon choked. “Furry?”

“She’s furry!”

“Not _a _furry then,” Jihoon chortled. Junhui glared at him. He entered a sulk, poking his tongue out and turning his back on Jihoon like a kid.__

__Jihoon continued writing, unable to even try to pretend he gave a fuck about Junhui’s sulk. Today Jihoon was writing an article he had titled, “Man Wears 6 Inch Heels To Work Everyday For This Reason”, and Junhui was salty about it. Not the heels, he was quite proud of that man, but he wanted exciting articles to write. Junhui got assigned all the boring things, like actual news. He dreamed to get the weird facts Jihoon swam in._ _

__Jihoon’s phone was sat on the desk. It suddenly shook twice on the table. Two messages. One from Seungcheol, one from an unknown number. Seungcheol’s was one of his little motivational texts he sent when he was bored, but Jihoon barely felt anything rather than a flutter in his chest. His heart was beating rapidly, but for a different reason._ _

__Unknown Number  
I love you. I won’t give up._ _

__Jihoon was glad that Junhui wasn’t watching him. All color left his face. He felt sick. He took his phone and escaped to the toilets, locking himself in a cubicle. The boy felt too weak to even put the seat down and instead collapsed in the small space between the toilet and the door. He leaned back, tears pricking his eyes._ _

__Jihoon knew who it was. Who else would send a message like that? But how did he get his number? Questions flew around Jihoon’s mind and before he knew it, he was sobbing._ _

__He held his breath as people walked in and out. He didn’t want to resurface. Jihoon didn’t want to have to walk out and deal with Soonyoung, face to face or through messaging. Just a year ago, he would’ve done anything for a text from Soonyoung. It was his worst nightmare now. He was getting better._ _

__Slowly but surely, he was getting happier. He had Seungcheol. He was drinking less, talking more, smiling more. But now Soonyoung was hot on his heels. It felt like he was following his every step. Soonyoung had only come back three weeks ago, and already Jihoon was scared._ _

__He didn’t return to the office. He went to his boss, instead, asking to go home sick. His boss was soft and pitied Jihoon, so nodded without much thought. Jihoon thanked her and retrieved his bag from the cloakroom. He walked home, warily looking around him._ _

__He wanted to forget that text message. But he knew it was Soonyoung. He had gotten a new phone number since they broke up, so how did he have his details? Jihoon shook just thinking about it._ _

__The boy had never been so glad to get inside his flat before. He poured himself a glass of milk and threw too much nesquik powder in it. He stirred it in whilst he stared at his phone._ _

__He left it on read, but the message was engraved into his mind, one sentence repeating over and over._ _

___”I won’t give up.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was this rushed? probably i cant remember  
> im so excited that shits stirring omgomgomg  
> ALSO this chapter originally had dokyeom but it was so random so i cut that out sorry dokyeom  
> he was comforting jihoon in the toilets but it didnt fit so. bye felicia  
> thank u for ur comments on the last chapter omg they made me smile bc yall were a bit shook it was funny, 2 or 3 of u were like "it better have been a fake number" and i hadnt even THOUGHT of that like theres some funny hotlines out there step the fuck up jeonghan  
> anyways thanks for ur comments and kudos and support and what not!


	20. surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has 2k words!! a record for me!! it was 1999 and i nearly imploded and went abt more proofreading to get it up

His name was Jihoon and he was missing Seungcheol more than ever. He leaned on his desk, his elbow holding down the L key, as he texted his boyfriend. The surfer was taking his instructing job to full time but hadn’t yet started and it left him with a lot more free time. He found himself bored and texting Jihoon constantly. Of course, Jihoon didn’t mind at all.

Junhui was quiet for once. Jihoon thought Junhui rather strange - he was silent on Jihoon’s first days and it suited him quite nicely. He slowly warmed up, making a little small talk, and before he knew it he was rambling non stop. But now he slept, soft snores escaping his pink lips. 

Jihoon sighed. Junhui was never productive but never slept through work either. That was Jihoon’s job. After glancing at the clock he thought about finishing the man’s article for him. It was due in thirty minutes. Jihoon shrugged. That was Junhui’s problem.

 

An hour later, Jihoon left the front doors with a sleepy Junhui by his side. Jun was now talking, filling up the silence that hovered if he didn’t. 

Junhui suddenly stopped outside the doors. The younger followed suit, peering up at Jun in confusion, then following his gaze. He leaned towards him on the tip of toes in an attempt to get his exact point of view.

A man stood, leaning against a red car. He wore a red hoodie and pale jeans, somehow matched with black, formal shoes. A crimson cap sat backwards and pressed his black locks against his forehead. His big brown eyes blinked back at Jihoon behind round specs.

“Oh my god,” Jihoon said. Junhui nodded, grinning. He had known about his surprise. He pushed Jihoon forward. He said goodbye and walked to his own car.

Jihoon ran, his heart racing. Seungcheol ran forward too, and they met in the middle. Seungcheol swept Jihoon off his feet, spinning him around and when he put him down, he pressed his plump lips on Jihoon’s. 

“What are you doing here?” Jihoon exclaimed. He rested his head against Seungcheol’s chest. He listened to his steady heartbeat with a smile.

“Surprising you,” Seungcheol kissed his head. “I’ve missed you so much, kiddo.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Jihoon murmured. They stayed in each other’s warm embrace for several minutes until they climbed into Seungcheol’s rented car. 

Whilst he absent-mindedly directed Seungcheol to his flat, he dreamily stared at his boyfriend with a smile on his face. His long eyelashes fluttered as he blinked and his lips mouthed along to the songs on the radio. Seungcheol was gorgeous. How did Jihoon get so lucky?

Seungcheol parked outside the apartment block’s steps. He was surprisingly good at parallel parking and Jihoon couldn’t help but be impressed. 

He suddenly felt insecure as he opened the building’s front door. Seungcheol’s apartment block was magnificent and cream, elegant with a golden tint. Jihoon’s was bleak and grey, paint peeling in the hallways and a broken elevator.

“Sorry about this,” Jihoon nodded towards the tape across the elevator doors. “My place is five flights up.” Seungcheol shrugged with a smile, insisting it was fine. They held hands as they walked and it made each stair much more bearable, despite Seungcheol carrying his luggage in the other hand.

Seungcheol stared around Jihoon’s flat when they walked in. Jihoon had never felt more ashamed of his shoebox. His bed wasn’t even made. He made the two of them some coffee to distract himself from the embarrassment. 

The surfer said nothing. He didn’t think negatively of the flat either. It was Jihoon’s home. He decided it was cosy. The man reached into his backpack and took out a small little box. He placed it next to Jihoon’s Thor pop vinyl. 

“There,” Seungcheol smiled, “Thor and Loki.”

“Hm?” Jihoon peered around his shelf that divided the kitchen and living space, a grey mug in hand. He saw the Loki pop vinyl and smiled. “You didn’t have to, but thank you.”

They cuddled on the sofa, a blanket draped over them both. They held each other close, grateful to be in each other’s arms. Jihoon had never been so chatty. They mocked each other’s accents - Jihoon teasing Seungcheol’s drastic Korean-American accent change depending on which language he spoke, and Seungcheol imitating Jihoon’s strong Satoori. Jihoon ended up whining whilst his boyfriend poked his cheek and called him his little Busan man.

The couple were happy to share a bed, except Jihoon had a single. After experimenting, they agreed on it being too squashed, so Jihoon took the sofa and Seungcheol hesitantly took the bed. He had planned on staying in a hotel. However he hadn’t booked one and he was too jet lagged to find one that night. So Jihoon’s little bed suited him just fine, and he happily lay awake, listening to his boyfriend’s soft snores.

The next morning, Jihoon had the day off since it was a Saturday. Jihoon frowned at his phone as Seungcheol snored. He hadn’t heard from Jeonghan for several days. He usually got regular messages asking how he was doing. He sighed.

Jihoon lay on the sofa, curling up in his blanket. He chewed on his nails. He normally got several messages from Jeonghan a day. But over the last few, he had heard absolutely nothing whatsoever. It was weird.

“Morning, kiddo,” Seungcheol murmured sleepily, his morning voice deep and husky. It automatically brought a smile to Jihoon’s face despite everything. “You looked worried.”

“I just haven’t heard anything from Jeonghan, that’s all,” JIhoon admitted. “But I’m a pain in the ass, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was sick of me.”

“Hey, don’t say that, that’s not true,” Seungcheol reassured him, climbing out of bed and next to Jihoon on the sofa. “How about you go and check on him? I’ll stay here. Keep your spot warm,” he joked.

Jihoon nodded his head. He kissed his boyfriend, happy to finally be able to do so, and grabbed some clothes. He shyly slipped into his bathroom and changed within minutes.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” he said. They blew each other kisses and Jihoon left his apartment, already excited to come back home. It had been a few years since he came home to a lover, even if he was only away for twenty minutes.

Jihoon couldn’t remember the last time he went to Jeonghan’s. Had Jeonghan moved house? He hoped not. He ran through his memory, flicking back over the years. He really didn’t remember much. Just work, work and work with snippets of Jeonghan caring for him.

He was still trying to figure out if Jeonghan had changed address when he reached his - or maybe once his - building’s front door. It was pristine with white bricks and Jihoon realised why he never visited Jeonghan. It made him feel just really quite shit about his own life. Jeonghan was loaded - Jihoon held average wealth.

He had his own key so he let himself in. This was going to be awkward if Jeonghan had moved after all. He took the elevator up to the seventh floor and opened the light oak colored front door, the silver number fourteen brightly glistening in the light.

Jihoon breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Jeonghan did indeed still live here. The apartment was undoubtedly beautiful. The front door opened up to the living room, which was a good size. A large window gave in most of the light, and brought life to the whole room. A white sofa with grey patterned cushions sat by the wall on a pale rug that covered the cold, wooden floor. A picture of a Spanish beach hung above it. The coffee table was square and glass, although it was covered by a fruit bowl, magazines and books. Baby blue lamps stood on baby blue side tables on each side of the three seater sofa. Opposite, a large TV was on the wall. Plants were dotted about - a very large one lived in a pale blue pot between the window and a side table, on top of the coffee table’s books and either side of the TV. The place was straight out of Tumblr.

And there was Jeonghan, his whole body sprawled across the sofa with a fluffy white blanket on top of him. He blinked at Jihoon in surprise. Jihoon blinked back.

“You’re still alive, then,” Jihoon said. Jeonghan only nodded. “You alright?” Jeonghan nodded again.

Jihoon didn’t believe him. Jeonghan was as pale as his blanket and his usually brushed hair stood in several directions. Dark circles were embedded beneath his eyes and Jihoon could tell that he hadn’t showered in a few days. But what boldly stood out the most was a thin line of blood running halfway along his neck. It had scabbed over, but dry blood had stained like a stream down towards his shirt.

“What happened to your neck?” Jihoon asked. Jeonghan stiffened up and Jihoon frowned. “Have you cleaned that?” The man shook his head, abnormally quiet. The younger sighed.

Jihoon scratched his head, looking around awkwardly. Jeonghan stared at the wall as if he was watching paint dry.

“Why aren’t you with Seungcheol?” Jeonghan finally croaked after several awkward minutes. He sounded like he had been crying and Jihoon bit his lip before speaking.

“He’s at mine. I told him I hadn’t heard from you so he told me to come over,” he explained. Jeonghan nodded as he sat up. He swallowed.

“Have you been okay? I, uh, I would’ve checked up on you but I’ve felt sick.”

“Um,” Jihoon thought back. Soonyoung. “Actually, Soonyoung got his hands on my number. I don’t know how…” His voice fizzled out. He had received several more texts, both equally as creepy, but hadn’t allowed himself to think about it. He bit his nails again.

“It was me.” Jeonghan whispered. He was so quiet that Jihoon had to ask him to repeat himself. Jeonghan couldn’t look at him. His eyes filled with tears. “I gave Soonyoung your number.”

Jihoon couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He stared at Jeonghan, hurt and betrayed.

“You _what? _”__

__“I’m really sorry, Jihoon-”_ _

__“Sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it!” Jihoon yelled. “He might have the technology to track me down by that number!”_ _

__“Jihoon, he pressed a fucking knife against my neck!” Jeonghan shouted too. “He started to slice my throat-”_ _

__“He obviously wasn’t going deep enough,” Jihoon spat. “You could’ve given him a fake number, or your own nu-”_ _

__“My own number?” Jeonghan stood up. Rage bubbled up inside him, and he was glaring at the small boy he had grown so close to. “I’ve done so fucking much for you! I’ve cared for you, looked after you when you were sick, I’ve cleaned your flat, pretended you weren’t becoming an alcoholic, and you never said thank you once! You’ve never shown any gratitude! The world doesn’t revolve around you, Jihoon, do you not understand that?”_ _

__“You don’t deserve any gratitude when you’re giving my number out, for fuck’s sake-”_ _

__“How do you think I got this?” The elder pointed to his neck. “I didn’t want to give him your number, and I stayed silent until he cut me-”_ _

__In a burst of anger, Jihoon shouted out, “maybe you should have let him slice your throat then!”_ _

__They fell silent. So silent you could’ve heard a pin drop. Jihoon’s heart was in his throat._ _

__“Get out.” Jeonghan whispered. Jihoon was so stunned by his own words that he couldn’t move. Jeonghan took Jihoon by the fabric of his shirt and physically threw him out of his flat. Jihoon stumbled and the door slammed shut._ _

__He leaned against the door, tears falling down his cheeks. What the hell had he done? Now he had fucked everything up. His legs gave way beneath him and the boy sat sobbing, his head leaning against Jeonghan’s door._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA  
> GOD ive been planning this bit for ages its so weird that ive finally written it!!! honestly im on jeonghans side here hoons a bit of a selfish prick  
> whAt are yOuR ThOugHts hMmMm  
> also,, enjoy cheol!! hes back!!! jihoons knight in shining armour! love that man  
> thank u for commenting, reading, kudos, acknowleding this fics existence,, i lov u all


	21. work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is such a half assed filler chapter and its barely proofread bc i wanted to update, its 1am and i cant stop yawning

His name was Jihoon and he rested mostly on top of Seungcheol, listening to his heartbeat like it was a lullaby. He didn’t really have a choice - Seungcheol had a tight grip around Jihoon but the younger didn’t care. Somehow, despite everything, he relaxed.

He hadn’t told Seungcheol about Jeonghan. Jihoon cried on his own, then once he had stopped sniffing and his eyes were no longer red and puffy, he returned. He briefly told him that they had argued, but didn’t let on anymore even though Seungcheol tried to coax him into talking about it. 

Jihoon didn’t want anyone to know what he had said. He hadn’t meant any of it. He hated himself even more than he ever done before, leaving previous hate looking like self love. 

Jeonghan was right. He was selfish. He was a brat. He was ungrateful, he was rude and he was spiteful, he was grumpy and cold and everything in between. And Jihoon felt like he knew that Seungcheol was with him out of pity.

Seungcheol was amazing. Jihoon didn’t deserve him. His chocolate eyes shone, and crinkled when he smiled his gummy smile. His laugh was a gorgeous melody, the best song Jihoon had ever heard. And his voice… Jihoon could listen to him all day. He felt like he was in heaven as the sound of Seungcheol quietly singing The 1975’s Somebody Else ran through the apartment. Jihoon shut his eyes.

“I bet you’re a good singer,” Seungcheol said, cutting himself off in the middle of a lyric. It caught Jihoon by surprise. 

“Mediocre,” he mumbled. “I don’t really have anything to do with music anymore.”

“You played piano for me when you were drunk,” Seungcheol informed him. Jihoon sighed.

“Was I good, at least?”

“Yeah. It was Canon in D, I think. Or C?” He pondered for a few moments whilst Jihoon tried to remember. The last thing he could recall at that party was Mingyu chanting him on to chug his cup.

Funny thing was, Jihoon hated alcohol. It burned his throat and he didn’t care for the taste. It was the effect he liked. He liked forgetting. 

Seungcheol was fiddling with Jihoon’s hands. He ran his thumb over the boy’s rough palms, then traced along the outlines of his fingers. He still wondered about the missing engagement ring. He gathered the courage to ask.

“Hey, Hoon?”

“Hmm?”

“What happened to your ring?” Seungcheol questioned. It had been bugging him for two months, now. The boy had left it on the piano and Seungcheol never saw it again.

“I threw it in the ocean.”

Seungcheol burst out into laughter. Of all of the answers he expected from Jihoon, thrown in the ocean was certainly not one of them.

“You what?!”

“It’s in the sea, in Malibu,” Jihoon smiled. “Rotting away like the Titanic.”

“May I ask why?” 

“I hated it,” Jihoon said, then corrected himself. “Hate. You know, it was the last physical thing I had from our relationship. And it ended up as a pretty shit one, so I didn’t want to remember it and all that John Green shit.”

Seungcheol nodded and held Jihoon closer. For some reason, he was surprised that Jihoon knew who John Green was. Seungcheol, on the other hand, was a sucker for the Fault In Our Stars. The pair watched it that evening. Seungcheol cried.

 

The next morning Seungcheol drove Jihoon to work in his rented car. He had to tie Jihoon’s tie for him. 

He was a little scared to be on his own in Seoul - he hadn’t been to the city since he was twelve, and it was only a day trip. So naturally, he followed Jihoon in. The strangest thing was that Jihoon didn’t question it.

“Greetings, Jihoon and Seungcheol!” Junhui yelled excitedly as soon as he saw them approaching.

“Zip it today, Jun,” Jihoon ordered. “Don’t drive my boyfriend away.”

Junhui didn’t zip it. Instead he started chatting about how much of a shock it was when Jihoon returned from Malibu with a tan and a smug look, talking about how he had landed himself a boyfriend, and a surfer boyfriend at that. Seungcheol grinned and Jihoon eventually slapped his co-worker.

Jihoon blocked out the two of them. They got on well enough. At one point they spent a good five minutes spinning around on their chairs and nearly throwing up afterwards. Jihoon didn’t even know where Seungcheol got his chair from. 

He only turned to listen to the two when Seungcheol stared at Jun in bewilderment and then said, “Junhui, I don’t know if you know but there is currently a rat in your pocket.”

“That’s my daughter, Furry!” Junhui exclaimed happily.

“You brought Furry to work?” Jihoon gasped. He stared at Jun’s blazer pocket. Sure enough, it was moving.

“You brought your boyfriend.”

“It wasn’t even planned - Junhui, rats do not belong in the work office!”

“They do now!” The Chinese man insisted. Seungcheol was wiping tears from his eyes. The man took Furry from Jun’s pocket and held her in her hand, softly petting her. Junhui watched lovingly whilst Jihoon sighed and turned back to his article.

Seungcheol went out at midday to buy Jihoon some lunch. The boy had had nothing in his fridge and admitted that he didn’t like the cafeteria food and so often went without, and Seungcheol decided he wasn’t having it. So he gave Junhui’s pet rat a little kiss on the head and headed to the nearest hot food cafe that did to take away.

Soonyoung couldn’t believe his eyes when Seungcheol walked in. He knew who he was. He had done some research - as he called it - having have had Jeonghan’s Instagram, got to someone called Minghao’s from there, where he saw a beach picture. Minghao was at the front, Jeonghan by his side, and Seungcheol was in the back with his arms around Jihoon. The picture had tags. Miraculously, Seungcheol’s tag was included. And Soonyoung had hit the jackpot. Seungcheol’s Instagram was mostly sunsets of the beach or his cat, but occasionally had screenshots from FaceTime - with Jihoon. Yes, he was definitely Jihoon’s boyfriend from California.

So Soonyoung stared as Seungcheol ordered his food. It dawned on him that this was a problem. He was muscular and Soonyoung felt intimidated. If he tried anything on Jihoon when Seungcheol was around, it could be the last thing he ever did. Was Seungcheol here permanently? Or holiday? For how long?

Seungcheol felt his eyes on him. He turned around, blinking at the thin eyes that were watching him. He had a bad feeling about him. He couldn’t put his finger on it.

As soon as he had Jihoon’s sausage roll and sandwich, he hurried back to the office. The surfer kept glancing back, making sure the strange man wasn’t following. He couldn’t see him yet remained to feel uneasy until he was back at Jihoon’s workplace. Luckily the hunt for he and Junhui in the cafeteria provided a distraction. 

“Thanks, mediocre jelly bean,” Jihoon said, taking his food.

“You’re welcome, kiddo,” Seungcheol sat down and tried not to question ‘mediocre jelly bean’. 

Junhui was incredibly chatty. Seungcheol was taken aback. He was questioned about how he and Jihoon got together, and Jihoon was surprised but pleased to learn that Seungcheol never mistaken him for a kid, and it was only an excuse to talk to him. He had never eaten a sandwich more smugly.

Seungcheol couldn’t get the man from the cafe out of his head. He was weird. The way his eyes burned into Seungcheol’s skin, how he stared despite Seungcheol staring too. Eventually, before he fell asleep, he told Jihoon.

“What did he look like?”

“Thin eyes. Dark hair. Quite chubby cheeks, too.”

Jihoon went pale. He chewed his nail so badly it began to bleed.

“Soonyoung.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooooooooooOOOOOOOoo soon has Spotted seungcheol  
> im gonna have a few fillers i think im sorry  
> thank u for reading and all ily


	22. prince thor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is named prince thor bc i never acknowledged thor was a prince until yesterday and i was shook for some reason

His name was Choi Seungcheol and he had a spring to his step, excited to accompany Jihoon to work again. He wondered if Junhui had brought his rat in today too. The surfer wished he had his cat - he was sure Jun would love her. But alas, Princess was alone in Seungcheol’s flat, with no one to see to her except a neighbour she hates twice a day. Seungcheol sighed dramatically.

“What’s up?” Jihoon asked.

“I miss Princess. She must be so lonely.”

“Cats are independent, Cheollie,” Jihoon told him. Seungcheol continued to pout. 

Seungcheol slipped his warm hand into Jihoon’s cold one. He didn’t really think about it. Jihoon didn’t think about it either as he locked his fingers with his, holding on tight, but not too tight for the rest of the short walk.

“Oh!” Seungcheol exclaimed as they neared Jihoon and Junhui’s desk.

“Wha-oh!” Jihoon’s eyes widened. “It’s mullet man!”

Minghao sat on an office chair, his chin resting on Junhui’s shoulder. His arm was thrown protectively around him and, as always, his camera was around his neck. God knows why - who brings a camera to an office? Xu Minghao, apparently. Maybe it was habit. Maybe it felt weird to be without it, like how Jihoon felt weird without his guitar when he was still a teenager.

“Mullet man, take me by the hand, lead me to the land,” Seungcheol sang to the tune of Spongebob. Jihoon pulled him to one side. He stood on his tip toes and put his hands on Seungcheol’s shoulders.

“Darling,” he said, “never, and I mean never, sing mullet Spongebob again. As wonderful as your voice is-”

“Imagine Spongebob with a mullet!” Seungcheol’s eyes shone. Jihoon buried his face in his chest.

“You are so dumb.” 

As the couple continued walking, Seungcheol started telling him about how he wasn’t dumb, because he had a history degree and a minor in sociology. Jihoon rolled his eyes, mumbling something about his journalism degree paired with a maths minor. Seungcheol faked yawned.

“Hey, lovers!” Minghao grinned. He was a big shipper of Seungcheol and Jihoon. He had actually clapped his hands when the two kissed at the airport, and then slapped Jeonghan on the back with a big smile too.

“Still have a mullet, I see?” Jihoon said, watching Seungcheol steal his chair. He frowned.

“Yes, I like it,” Minghao told him defensively. Junhui cheered him on. He then told Jihoon that Minghao was in because he brought Seungcheol the day before - and proceeded to declare war. Jihoon gave him only a blank look.

He awkwardly stood for a moment, not sure where to go. But Seungcheol took his hand and pulled him onto his lap, as glamorous as a hippo. Jihoon sighed and decided to deal with it. It was the first time since swimming in Malibu that he took notice of how skinny he was - both he and Seungcheol’s legs together fit beneath the desk. He was impressed but Seungcheol sighed and begged him to try and gain weight. Jihoon nodded absentmindedly, not caring either way. 

At lunchtime Seungcheol got bored. They had eaten lunch - the four trekked down to a cafe, different to where Seungcheol went yesterday upon his request, and ate together on a bit of a double date. The day grew a little tedious when they returned to the office, so he wandered off to stretch his legs.

Jihoon was left to ignored Minghao and Junhui’s playful bickering. They were roasting each other’s music taste. Jihoon sighed and watched his phone vibrate by his hand.

Bastard  
I saw you earlier, with your boyfriend

Bastard  
You smiled bigger when you were with me. You aren’t a good couple

Bastard  
You’re better when you’re with me

“Jesus Christ, Soonyoung,” Jihoon muttered, turning his phone around so it was face down. He tapped his foot nervously. Was Soonyoung watching him now? Seungcheol saw him the day before. Soonyoung had seen them today. Jihoon bit his lip.

He wasn’t going to freak out. He was going to ignore it, stay calm, and not let it bother him. Soonyoung wouldn’t do anything. Jeonghan was the limit. As long as Jihoon kept his distance, he would be fine. There was no need to be scared. 

“Oh, Hoon, isn’t your-” Junhui suddenly pulled Jihoon into he and Minghao’s conversation. The poor boy couldn’t handle it so Jihoon mumbled a “sorry” and stood up, hurriedly leaving the office. So much for not freaking out. 

Jihoon perched outside in the mild breeze. It was his favorite spot. It was round the back, filled with overgrown plants and trees. There was a little space between two bushes that he liked to sit in. If he hugged his knees to his chest and curled up as small as he could, he fit in nicely. It was comforting. He hid there a lot. Most days, in fact, Particularly when he came in hungover.

Jihoon sat there for a long, long time. He didn’t have his phone, but his feet had gone numb and his legs were stiff. It made him jump when he heard his friends call for him. Junhui was used to Jihoon disappearing for half an hour - but never for more than an hour.

“Jihoon? Have you disappeared into the abyss? Because I swear to God, Jeonghan will not be happy…” Junhui yelled. Jihoon rolled his eyes. Jeonghan clearly never told Minghao or Jun what happened between them He knew Jeonghan would be more than happy if Jihoon disappeared into the abyss. Sometimes, Jihoon himself wished he could.

He heard Minghao call out too, and then their voices faded away. Jihoon nodded to himself, accepting peace, and shut his eyes.

“Hey,” Seungcheol’s soft voice alerted Jihoon. He opened his eyes, watching Seungcheol push apart some leaves in a failing attempt to slot in too. He shook his head, giving up. 

“You found me,” Jihoon acknowledged. Seungcheol grinned. He was proud of himself.

“You know you’ve been gone for two hours, right?” He said. Jihoon raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“I guessed one.”

“Junhui said you just suddenly up and left. I ran back to your flat after a while to see if you were there. I was really worried about you, Hoon.”

“Sorry,” Jihoon mumbled. “I just...needed to breathe.”

“For two hours?” Seungcheol poked his arm through several leaves and put his hand on Jihoon’s knee - it was all he could reach. “You could’ve told us. What’s the matter?”

Jihoon looked at the ground. The boy said nothing. Eventually Seungcheol sighed.

“Can you at least come out so I can comfort you properly?” He asked hopefully. 

“Help me up, then.” 

Seungcheol got up and reached back through the stray flowers and pulled Jihoon up with ease. The younger didn’t let go of his hand as they walked back to Junhui and Minghao, who were anxiously biting their nails by the front doors.

“He hid between some bushes,” Seungcheol said. Junhui ran forward. He dramatically wrapped his arms around Jihoon as if he had been missing for weeks.

Seungcheol mouthed for him to explain what happened later. Jihoon nodded.

 

The couple had walked to work, so they stopped off at a comic book store on the way home. It sold comics, obviously, as well as normal books and geeky toys. Jihoon called it the Nerd Cave. Seungcheol had decided to treat Jihoon to another pop vinyl, as a small attempt to make his day a bit less shit.

Seungcheol looked around, heading over to the toy and figures section. He stopped in front of the bookshelves filled with pop vinyls. He took one of Hawkeye, mumbling something about searching for him for ages. Then he nudged Jihoon and ordered him to pick one. Jihoon ummed and ahhed for a while. His hand hovered between Valkyrie, a character from Thor: Ragnarok, and the Ragnarok edition of Thor himself, all the while Seungcheol watched with a loving smile.

“Why don’t you just pick both of them?” He suggested. “My treat.”

“I’ll pay for one,” Jihoon insisted as he took the two of them. They argued for a minute over who would pay until eventually they agreed on paying half and half for the three total figures.

Jihoon happily admired his two new pop vinyls on the rest of the walk. The boy also rambled about how funny the third Thor film was, but Seungcheol had only seen it once and could barely remember it. So Jihoon gave up and focused on his pop vinyls again. He bopped the two sides together, almost like they were dancing, held them stacked together, then one in each hand. Seungcheol chuckled, and nearly cried from laughter when Jihoon was so distracted that he walked into a lamp post.

“It isn’t funny,” the boy mumbled. “That hurt. I think my nose is bleeding.” Seungcheol continued to laugh then swore when he realised Jihoon wasn’t joking - his nose was bleeding. Jihoon proceeded to hold his hands over his face whilst his boyfriend held the pop vinyls.

He mopped the blood from his face when they got back. He lifted Jihoon onto the counter as if he was a toddler. Jihoon was impressed with how easily he did so.

“You’re strong,” he commented. Seungcheol nodded smugly. Slaving away at the gym had been worth it.

As soon as Jihoon was blood free and had a tissue wedged up his nose as a safety procedure, he hopped off the counter and organised his new collection of figures.

“Do my two Thors look a bit odd?” Jihoon asked. “Maybe if we put Valkyrie and Loki in between...this is Ragnarok Loki so he has to be with Ragnarok Thor… Does this look goo-”

“Are we going to talk about your two hour disappearance?” Seungcheol cut him off. He folded his arms. The man had a new, serious look on his face. Jihoon didn’t like it. It made him feel like he was in trouble. His gaze reached the floor rather than Seungcheol’s eyes.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t talk about anything,” the Californian pointed out, “only when you’re drunk. That’s the only time I’ve truly learnt anything about you. Something bad happened with Jeonghan, I can figure that out. And there’s something else that hits you out of nowhere, and I want to help you, Jihoon, and you don’t let anyone in!”

“Why should I let you in?” Jihoon snapped. “I know you’re only with me out of pity.”

Seungcheol gaped at his boyfriend. Slowly, he moved forward, as if Jihoon was an easily frightened animal.

“Jihoon,” he softly said, “why would you think that?”

The younger turned his back to him. He looked at the sofa rather than his boyfriend’s hurt eyes.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He said eventually. “It’s true, isn’t it? I’m awful. Completely and utterly awful. I’m selfish, I’m rude, I can’t look after myself, and I was almost an alcoholic when we met. I think the world revolves around me. I rely on someone I see as my brother to clean up my flat and get me food, drive me to work and then when my ex-fiance suddenly pops up, threatens Jeonghan for my number, goddamn near slices his throat, I go out and say that he should’ve protected me better. He should have given away his own number or just fucking died,” Jihoon hit swiped at a glass on the shelf. It hit the floor and shattered. A piece cut into his foot but he barely felt anything. All he felt was a burn in his chest. It tore him apart, inside out. He was sobbing. His whole body shook. 

“Jeonghan and I were so close,” Jihoon whispered. “Inseparable in university. It was just me, him and Soonyoung. I was so happy. So fucking happy. Then Soonyoung left and I became such a miserable, selfish little shit. He keeps texting me and I’m terrified, and I haven’t got Jeonghan to tell me everything’s okay. But why would he? I deserve it. My throat should’ve been slit. That’s all I deserve.”

His knees gave way and he landed with a harsh thump. Seungcheol sat down next to him, holding him close. He hushed him, rocked him, tried everything he could think of to calm him down. He kissed his hair and rubbed his arm. 

“Jihoon, my love,” Seungcheol cooed. “You don’t deserve anything like that-”

“I really do, you don’t understa-”

“Shh, shh, listen to me. You’re wonderful, okay? You’re strong. You’ve made it this far, haven’t you?”

“Why do you like me?” Jihoon turned around and hid his face in his boyfriend’s chest.

“Because…” the man thought carefully about what he wanted to say, and tried to make sure none of it could be misinterpreted. “You may be grumpy, but it’s cute. Funny, even,” Seungcheol found himself going red. “You played piano for me once and it was beautiful. You have a thing with music, I can tell. And you’re fun to talk to and that isn’t even the start of it.”

Jihoon shook his head. He didn’t believe a word.If only he had jumped off of that bridge two years ago.

He ended up crying himself to sleep. Seungcheol sighed, holding the mess of a human so tightly because he felt that if he didn’t, he would break into pieces. Slowly, gently, he picked him up. He lay the boy in his bed, kissing his head and tucking him in.

“I’d never be with you out of pity, Lee Jihoon,” he whispered. He climbed in next to him and embraced the boy once more before falling asleep and dreaming of Jihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i watched thor raganrok esterdy and it was so fucking good i cant stop thinking about it  
> also we got snow and i got great photos of my dog ;') if u follow sweetpeachwonder on ig u'll see them whOop hes so lovely hes called floyd my BOY  
> anwyays  
> thank u for commenting and everything ily


	23. treat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was watching thor whilst writing this im not gonna lie,, most of my main fanfic characters end up with some interests i have that i put into them bc?? idk,, so jihoons is pop vinyls and thor except he has more pop vinyls than me and im jealous   
> ANYWAYS enjoy the chapter

His name was Choi Seungcheol and he sat alone in Jihoon’s flat. He had his boyfriend’s laptop on his lap and he was googling nearby restaurants. Jihoon had clearly had a rough few weeks; he deserved a date night. It was also one of their only chances to have a date.

Finally he found one a short walk away. Seungcheol booked a reservation and grew excited for dinner. It was still only midday so he flopped back with a sigh, like a kid waiting to go to the park.

Seungcheol was a worrier. About people, things he’d done, everything. So now he worried about Jihoon. How was he holding up? He was spending a whole day at work after a massive mental breakdown the evening before. He insisted he was fine. Seungcheol knew he was hurting.

The boy bottled everything up. That was obvious. It had left him a wreck, a depressed wreck at that, and Seungcheol knew he couldn’t simply love all of Jihoon’s troubles away. He had to help him properly. But Jihoon was stubborn - how would he get him the help he needed? Jeonghan knew his way around the boy and could undoubtedly convince Jihoon to see a doctor. Seungcheol was sure of that. He also knew that Jeonghan currently hated the boy.

That was a massive problem.

Seungcheol groaned in frustration and rolled off of the bed. He landed with a harsh thud - and so did the laptop beneath his leg. He swore and checked its condition. Smashed screen. Great! Jihoon was going to kill him.

When Jihoon finally got home, it was to Seungcheol loudly slurping a cup of coffee. He blinked at Jihoon. The boy gave him a weird look as he untied his tie and undid a few buttons on his shirt.

“We have plans,” Seungcheol told him.

“Do we now?”

“Date night!” The elder put his coffee down and clapped his hands. Jihoon just raised his eyebrows.

“I guess I’ll shower then.”

Seungcheol nodded, saying that he’ll shower after. The couple then spent a minute playfully bickering over why he hadn’t showered when he had a whole day with nothing to do.

When Seungcheol got out of the bathroom thirty minutes later, it was to his dismay that Jihoon was just about to open his laptop.

“No!” He yelled. It was too late. Jihoon opened it up, and then stared at the screen.

“What did you do?” He asked calmly. Rushes of anxiety shot through Seungcheol’s body.

“Me?” The man pointed to his chest in an attempt to act surprised, “I did nothing! It, it just...happened. Maybe it was a goblin. Called, uh...called Anthony.”

“Cheol,” Jihoon said. He was almost smiling. Seungcheol was cute when he knew he could be in trouble. “Just tell me.”

“I fell off the bed when it was on my lap,” the man mumbled. It surprised him that Jihoon started laughing. Seungcheol pouted.

“Are you hurt?” The younger asked. Seungcheol shook his head. “Good.” Jihoon ran his finger over the screen, carefully inspecting it, before concluding that the damage was only exterior and therefore was manageable. Seungcheol had never breathed a bigger sigh of relief.

Jihoon carefully placed his laptop on his bed and then rummaged through the drawers beneath his bed. All his good shirts were folded and therefore a little creased. It was messy, but then Jihoon wasn’t Jihoon if something about him wasn’t messy.

He settled on a shirt he forgot he even had. It was mostly white, but the top half was black, and the edges of the colors were waved like a cloud. It reminded Seungcheol of the icing on a cupcake.

“Come on then, little cupcake,” he smiled, opening the door of the flat. Jihoon rolled his eyes. Seungcheol himself sported a red and black shirt tucked into dark jeans, and a black blazer on top. He had done a little bit of makeup, and Jihoon asked him to do his, too. The boy missed Jeonghan doing his makeup whenever he saw Seungcheol. The surfer had had to deal with Jihoon’s bare, eyebrowless face the past few days. Poor soul.

The pair decided to walk. It was still light outside, although there was a dusty red tint to the light. They held hands, Seungcheol swinging them back and forth. Jihoon looked embarrassed.

Jihoon had developed a habit of looking for Soonyoung wherever he went, just in case. But he only saw Jeonghan. He stared at Jihoon very briefly and crossed the road to avoid them. It hurt. It even hurt when he saw the healing wound on his neck poking out from Jeonghan’s scarf. Jihoon told himself that was his fault.

They entered the restaurant. Jihoon had never been there before. It must be new, he thought. It was nice, with a posh interior and chandeliers. The boy was already terrified about the bill and they hadn’t even sat down yet.

“Reservation for the name Choi Seungcheol?” Seungcheol said to the waiter by the door. He checked the system and nodded.

“Right this way, Sir.” He lead them to a rounded table by a window. It had elegant flowers in the middle of the table. It reminded Jihoon of he and Seungcheol’s first date. He had stuttered through the first half an hour until Seungcheol put him at ease. He almost smiled at the memory.

“What’s with the sudden date, then, hmm?” Jihoon asked, watching Seungcheol’s eyes cross the menu.

“You deserve it,” he said with a smile. “You’ve been having a rough time. Plus we don’t get the chance for a date very often. And I also don’t know how to show you that I’m not with you out of pity, so I thought a surprise date might be a start.”

Jihoon stared at his menu rather than Seungcheol. He didn’t know what to say, so he simply thanked him in a soft voice. 

It made Seungcheol sad that Jihoon could barely finish his food. He had spaghetti, as it was an Italian restaurant, but didn’t even eat half of it. Seungcheol finished it for him, but tried to feed Jihoon too. He just shook his head and said he was too full. 

They skipped desert, and paid the bill. Jihoon nipped into the toilets so Seungcheol waited for him outside the restaurant in the cool air. This part of Seoul was pretty. It made him feel relaxed.

So when a hand was on his wrist, it made him jump. He was pulled to a gap between the restaurant and the store next door and slammed against the wall. Someone’s arm was pressed against his chest.

“Choi Seungcheol,” the person growled. Seungcheol squinted. His eyes finally focused in the dim light and he was sure it was Soonyoung. 

“What do you want?” He questioned. He tried to stay calm but his heart was in his throat. 

“I want you away from Jihoon,” Soonyoung growled. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Is that so?” Soonyoung pressed tighter against him. “I’ve seen you with him. Did you know we were engaged?”

“Yeah, and I also know that he hates your guts.”

A mistake. 

Something cold dug into his flesh. His stomach went numb. Then Soonyoung was gone, fleeing out of panic, and Seungcheol was left alone. He stumbled out of the alleyway, and saw Jihoon anxiously waiting outside the front doors. 

“Brave face, Cheol,” Seungcheol whispered. Then he greeted Jihoon with a smile and apologised. He quickly thought of a lie, and told him that he got distracted by a stray cat. Jihoon just rolled his eyes and took Seungcheol’s hand. Seungcheol was grateful. He altered his blazer so it covered his bleeding stomach. 

The world was spinning. Waves of heat rushed through his body one moment and the next he was freezing cold. Jihoon looked at him in concern. The man was pale, and his normally hot hands were as cold as snow. Seungcheol was aware of Jihoon trying to talk to him, but there was a ringing in his ears and his vision swam.

And Seungcheol collapsed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy the cliffhanger suckers


	24. chill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: enjoy the cliffhanger  
> me, 24 hours later: *updates*  
> this is kind of a filler? kind of not? it does have some good character stuff but mostly a filler i think idk

His name was Lee Jihoon and he hated ambulances. Ever since he was little, the sirens shocked him and made him cry. Now, as he sat inside with Seungcheol’s hand in his, he had never been more scared. The screaming sirens shot sickening butterflies through his stomach. He weakly held Seungcheol’s hands to his lips and kissed it softly. The poor man was awake, but he was weak and in pain. Jihoon was terrible at comforting people. It didn’t stop him from trying his best and mumbling that everything was okay.

Thirty minutes later Jihoon sat by Seungcheol’s side. The man sat with his bloody, torn shirt unbuttoned as a nurse stitched him up. He looked at Jihoon rather than the needle. Jihoon actually managed a smile.

“You’re squeamish,” he teased.

“I just don’t find pleasure in watching a needle go through my skin,” Seungcheol defended himself but didn’t deny it either. The most he could handle was a nosebleed, although that also made him feel a bit uneasy.

“I’ll get you some candy afterwards,” Jihoon continued teasing, “since you’ve been a big brave boy.”

“Just wait until we get home, Lee Jihoon,” the elder threatened, but he was laughing too.

Jihoon did buy him candy. Seungcheol picked out some gummy strawberries and happily munched them on the way back to Jihoon’s flat. The younger asked every minute if he felt okay so Seungcheol shoved one in his boyfriend’s mouth to shut him up.

“Are you ever going to tell me happened?” Jihoon questioned. The man hadn’t answered when the hospital asked. It left Jihoon filled with even more worry and confusion. Seungcheol looked at him, then looked around them. He shook his head.

“I’ll tell you when we get back.”

When they got home, Jihoon made Seungcheol a hot chocolate as he changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants. The younger snapped at him to be careful every time he leaned over even just a little bit. 

“You’re more protective than I expected,” Seungcheol commented.

“I know I’m a dick, but I don’t completely lack in sympathy,” Jihoon said. “Now get into bed and rest.”

“You aren’t a dick, but you are being dramatic. My stomach’s not that bad,” Seungcheol pouted, but he climbed into bed anyways. He watched his boyfriend load a cup of hot chocolate (with cream and marshmallows) onto a tray with a plate of cookies as if Seungcheol was five years old. But the injured man wasn’t complaining at all.

“I’m shit at looking after people,” Jihoon smiled sheepishly. “So my mum’s techniques from when I was a kid are as good as I get.”

“Are you a mummy’s boy?” Seungcheol cooed, sipping his drink and gaining a creamy moustache.

“Are you?”

Jihoon noticed the light in his boyfriend’s eyes flicker for a moment. Then he smiled again. 

“I bet you are.” 

“Yeah,” Jihoon admitted, blushing furiously. “I’m an only child so my Mama always fussed over me. I used to tell her everything, until I moved out. I’m close to both of them. They got me into music; my dad taught me guitar, Mama taught me piano and the rest I learnt at school.”

“The rest- what else do you play?”

“Drums, bass, clarinet-”

Seungcheol choked on his drink. “Isn’t the clarinet bigger than you? Isn’t the bass’ neck bigger than you, too?”

“If your stomach hadn’t been stitched up thirty minutes ago I’d slap you,” Jihoon rolled his eyes. 

The two cuddled up together as the younger found himself reminiscing of when he was little. He spoke about how he wanted to be a baseball player when he grew up, then that became a producer, then reality slapped him in the face and he worked towards journalism instead. He left out the part from when he was three. His dream then was to be a banana in striped pajamas. However he did mention that he once brought a toy one everywhere with him for a good six months, and it was even in several family photos. 

“I was really close to my mum,” Seungcheol said quietly.

“Was?” 

“Yeah. She passed away when I was thirteen.”

A silence hung in the air. Seungcheol’s head rested on Jihoon’s head as the boy tried to figure out what to say.

“I’m so sorry,” he said eventually. Seungcheol nodded.

“It’s alright. She died in a car accident,” he explained, “and I think it’s why we moved to America. To get rid of the memories of her that were in Daegu. My brother and I love the memories but it nearly tore Dad apart.” He cuddled up close to Jihoon and stopped himself from crying. The man missed his mum everyday, each day more than the other. It had brought he and his brother closer, but somehow drove the two boys and their dad further apart. But Seungcheol hated to dwell on the negatives.

“Sometimes it feels like she’s watching over me,” the man admitted. “I know that sounds weird.”

“It doesn’t sound weird at all,” Jihoon promised. “I’m sure she’s proud of who you’ve become.” 

He had meant to ask how the hell he got that wound on his stomach, but now felt it might be a bit much right after talking about his mother’s death. He held him tight, mindful of his stitches, like Seungcheol had done with him the night before.

Holding someone close felt almost alien to Jihoon. He was never one for skinship, even with Soonyoung. But Seungcheol was different. It sounded cliche and made Jihoon cringe, but it was true. He wanted to cuddle with him, have movie days and surprise dates, or just sit around in silence together. He wanted to do everything that the poems on Instagram and Tumblr spoke about.

“Should I stay home to look after you tomorrow?” Jihoon thought out loud. “We can cuddle, watch films…”

“Is this your way of watching Thor with me?”

“I’m not that obsessed with Thor!” Jihoon argued. “He’s just cooler than the other heroes. We can watch whatever you want. So long as either I or Netflix have it.”

Seungcheol smiled, kissing the boy’s lips. “You don’t have to stay home. I can look after myself. It’s perfectly manageable, alright?”

“I’ll call you every hour, then,” Jihoon insisted. Seungcheol laughed and buried his head in the small boy’s chest. His ribs poked his cheek but he didn’t care.

“How did you get that cut, anyways?” His boyfriend finally asked. “It’s a pretty big mystery currently. And I really don’t believe you were distracted by a stray cat.”

Seungcheol knew that whatever he said, Jihoon was going to freak out.

“It was Soonyoung,” he confessed and briefly told him about their two minute “chat”. Jihoon shut his eyes and leaned his head back.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he swore. 

“We can just tell the police, Jihoonie,” the elder said. He rubbed circles into his palms as Jihoon sighed.

“But I’ll end up going to court,” he said. “Me in court would be a fucking disaster. And I’d need a lawyer, plus Soonyoung’s always had a fuck ton of money and I’d lose anyways. That fucking bastard!” Jihoon leaned back in exasperation and hit his head on the wall. He ignored the pain. He would’ve cried over Soonyoung but he had cried a lot recently and had no more tears to give.

“It’ll be fine, Hoon-”

“As long as you’re here, Cheol,” Jihoon said, “you aren’t safe.”

“You aren’t safe either,” Seungcheol pointed out. 

“And what do you expect me to do?”

Seungcheol was quiet. Jihoon was too. The elder took his hand and continued to massage it.

“I need to move,” Jihoon said eventually. He ran through every place he liked in his head and it all came down to one place; Malibu. Seoul was full of Jeonghan and Soonyoung and Busan was haunted by memories of Soonyoung. The first time Jihoon felt happy after Soonyoung left was when he went to Malibu. It was the atmosphere, the whole vibe of the place. He even liked the beach, deep down. 

Best of all, Seungcheol lived there. And he did like Mingyu, well, what he remembered of him. All of his boyfriend’s friends sounded lovely. 

Jihoon pulled up his laptop from the floor. His fingers typed rapidly. Results of Malibu studio apartments pushed up, and he browsed for a few minutes, taking notes of prices. 

And he realised, after many mental calculations of taxes and bills, that as long as he found a job that paid the same as what he got now, he could afford to move to Malibu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuckin, finally   
> i had so much confusion writing this with injury technicalities?? also cheol nearly dying was so subtle in this chpater but maybe it works? bc hoons so awkward and cheol doesnt like ppl worrying idk  
> anyways im so sorry i havent replied to comments!!! i reply in my head and they make me happy and i appreciate them a lot  
> thanks for reading and commenting and ill try update tomorrow!


	25. lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> filler filler filler  
> i think anywyas whats the definition of filler??? like anything that doesnt include major plot?? ehh

His name was Lee Jihoon and he had almost called in sick to work. Seungcheol had slept terribly. He woke up screaming from a nightmare, unsurprisingly about Soonyoung, and struggled to fall asleep again. Jihoon felt awful leaving him, but the man insisted all he would do is sleep. So Jihoon sighed as he sat down in his office chair with a coffee in his hand, the opposite of ready for a long day worrying about his boyfriend.

“Why the long face?” Junhui asked. “You know, Minghao’s all the way in Amsterdam now. That’s like… many miles away. I hate it when he’s gone because-”

“Do you care about me or not?” Jihoon snapped. “You act like you’ll ask me how I am then talk about yourself.”

Junhui shrank like a puppy being yelled at for the first time. “Sorry, Hoon. Are you alright?”

“No, I’m sorry. I don’t care, I’m just stressed. You can continue.” There was an unusual silence between the two as Jihoon cursed at himself. Jeonghan’s words rang in his head; _”The world doesn’t revolve around you, Jihoon!” ___

__“No, tell me what’s wrong,” Junhui’s tone was soft. He put his hand on Jihoon’s arm. “You’re always scowling, talk to me about it.”_ _

__“Junhui,” the younger sighed, “it’s fine. Tell me about Minghao.”_ _

__His co-worker stayed silent. He hadn’t been silent since the first few weeks that they worked together. Junhui used to be awkward, unable to start conversations, but he hated being silent when everyone around him was chatting and eventually pulled himself out of his shell. Now Junhui could easily talk for both Korea and China._ _

__But on the other hand, he knew he often got on people’s nerves. Minghao was proud of his character development but sometimes Jun wasn’t too sure. It occasionally felt like he couldn’t stop talking. Especially when it was awkward. He’d keep going and hope it fixed something. It tended to make it worse._ _

__“You really do look stressed, Jihoon,” Junhui commented. He was greeted with silence. “You know you can talk to me, right?” More silence._ _

__Now Jihoon was ignoring him. Great. He wondered if he wanted to talk but couldn’t form his thoughts into a sentence._ _

__“How are things with Jeonghan?” He asked. The aim was to help Jihoon find something to talk about but the boy winced._ _

__“He hates me, thanks for asking.”_ _

__Junhui rubbed circles into his temple. Why hadn’t Jeonghan warned him? He mentally cursed. His co-worker was typing furiously, a mechanism to shut Jun out._ _

__“Why’s that?” He tried._ _

__“I’m a selfish prick,” Jihoon muttered. He took a sip of his coffee._ _

__“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been talking about myself every day non-stop for the whole three years we’ve worked together.”_ _

__Junhui continued asking Jihoon questions and tried to edge around sensitive subjects that he accidentally brought up. He didn’t learn much because Jihoon started ignoring him completely. The boy focused on his phone and Junhui watched as a smile tugged at his lips._ _

__Although he was still grumpy, since he had come back from Malibu Jihoon had been considerably cheerier. He smiled at Junhui and nodded at the right conversation points, something that Jun had never seen the boy do before. He looked a little healthier, too. He had more color to his cheeks, ate more and never seemed hungover in the mornings. Junhui could always tell that Jihoon had been drinking the night before - but he kept his mouth shut because Jihoon bit his head off the one time Junhui asked about it. The man was amazed that he was still alive after years of pissing his co-worker off._ _

__Jihoon’s 30-minute lunch break was at 1 pm but he stood up at around twelve, looking around for his boss._ _

__“No one will notice if I slip out early, right?” He asked Junhui. It made Jun jump, then he turned around in confusion. “I need to go home and check on Cheol.”_ _

__“Why? What’s so urgent?”_ _

__“He, uh,” Jihoon thought for a moment. Then he sighed. “He had to have stitches yesterday and he barely slept and I’m worried.”_ _

__“Aha!” Jun exclaimed. “That’s what was wrong! And no one will notice, so I’ll give you a ride. Also, is he okay?” Jihoon told him yes as the two snuck out together, and Junhui felt like a kid bunking off of school._ _

__Junhui pulled up outside Jihoon’s block of flats five minutes later. Once more Jihoon felt insecure about where he lived. He climbed out and then looked back at Jun._ _

__“You can join us for lunch if you want.”_ _

__So Junhui nearly collapsed halfway up to Jihoon’s flat. He wheezed dramatically, clutching his chest. Jihoon just blinked, gave him his flat number and told him he’d leave the door open for him._ _

__Jihoon was quiet as he opened his front door, in case Seungcheol had fallen asleep after all. But Seungcheol was spread out on the sofa, and Mamma Mia played on the TV._ _

__“Hello, babe,” Jihoon greeted._ _

__“First of all, how come you’re home? Second, since when do you say babe?”_ _

__“Junhui spent half of yesterday googling pet names,” Jihoon informed him, “and I watched him text Minghao and call him a snoopy snail. So babe makes me cool.” Seungcheol nearly choked on his water._ _

__“So why are you home so early?” He asked, then when Jihoon shot him a look, immediately insisted that he’s happy about it. Jihoon chuckled._ _

__“To check up on you. Oh, and Jun’s on his way, except he might not make it because he’s dying on the stairs.”_ _

__Jihoon through his cupboards for food. They were a ghost town - he didn’t even have soup. He sighed, then left his flat and yelled down the stairs for Jun, just to tell him they were going out for lunch. He heard the man groan._ _

__Seungcheol got up and changed into jeans. He threw a hoodie over his t-shirt and joined Jihoon outside._ _

__“Are you alright with the stairs?” Jihoon asked. Seungcheol nodded with a gulp. He had had to stop for several breaks the previous night on the way up._ _

__Junhui drove despite it being a short drive into the main town. He couldn’t bear more walking after climbing nearly five flights and then heading back down - and of course, Jihoon didn’t want Seungcheol to overdo anything._ _

__“How’s your...stitches, Cheol?” Junhui made small talk and realised two words in that he didn’t actually know where Seungcheol had hurt himself._ _

__“As good as they get, thanks,” the surfer replied._ _

__“Where even are they?”_ _

__“Tummy.”_ _

__Junhui “ouched” and Jihoon started mocking him for being a twenty five year old man who said tummy like he was five. Seungcheol pouted at him. His boyfriend found it hard not to smile and gave him a quick kiss._ _

__“How did you do it?”_ _

__“Oh, I uh,” Seungcheol glanced at Jihoon._ _

__“He, um,” Jihoon waved his hand in circles, trying to make something up. Jun frowned at them in the rearview mirror. The couple continued thinking. Their friend could practically hear the cogs turning in their heads._ _

__“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”_ _

__Jihoon and Seungcheol relaxed, breathing once more._ _

__The cafe Junhui took them to was nice. Like the restaurant the couple went to, Jihoon didn’t recognise it. The brick walls inside gave a homey with the mocha colored chairs and tables. A few plants hung from the ceiling and several were dotted about in corners and along the walls. Junhui proudly announced it as the most aesthetic place he and Minghao knew in Seoul, and they perched their rears in a dark corner._ _

__Junhui started elaborating on the different coffees the place offered. He was far too excited about coffee. The disappointed look he gave the pair when they ordered plain coffees and food was priceless._ _

__As they waited for their food to arrive, the Chinese man happily rambled on to Seungcheol about how grumpy Jihoon had been because he was worried. Jihoon tried to kick him under the table. His little legs couldn’t reach, so he stretched under the table, knocked Junhui’s leg and fell off his chair rather comically and rather loudly. Seungcheol laughed so hard that it felt like he would burst his stitches. As Jihoon got up his face and ears burned red, he grumbled that his butt hurt whilst Seungcheol and Junhui wiped away tears._ _

__Halfway through the small meal, Seungcheol blood curdled as he watched a certain person walk in. His stomach hurt and heat rushed through his body. Soonyoung sat down, only a few tables away, his thin eyes staring back Seungcheol and Jihoon. His eyes were cold. Evil. Menacing. He made direct eye contact with Seungcheol and cocked his head to one side. He edged closer._ _

__Seungcheol stood up quickly. Jihoon and Junhui stared up at him with a frown._ _

__“Babe, is everything okay?” Jihoon asked softly, taking his boyfriend’s sweaty hand. Seungcheol pulled him up with him, dragging him out of the cafe. Junhui hurriedly followed._ _

__Seungcheol was breathing heavily. His hands were clammy and tears pricked his eyes. Jihoon tried to calm him down but it was no use. The man was panicking and neither of his friends had any idea what to do._ _

__“It was Soon, wasn’t it?” Jihoon asked. Seungcheol could only nod. Junhui and Jihoon helped him back to the car and Jihoon was beginning to panic too. He looked around every five seconds, making sure no one was following. He had seen Soonyoung around too many times. He was certainly stalking him._ _

__Jihoon didn’t return to work. Junhui dropped them home and promised to tell their boss that the boy was unwell._ _

__Jihoon knew Seungcheol needed to lie down and wouldn’t make it up five steps. He gathered his strength and carried him instead. Of course, they had breaks because Jihoon was weak, but it was better than the injured man collapsing._ _

__“The whole time you’re here,” Jihoon said, once inside, “don’t you dare go out on your own, okay? I can’t say this without scaring you but Soonyoung’s going to target you.”_ _

__Seungcheol nodded, curling up into Jihoon’s tiny body. It was almost comical - the taller and buffer of the two cuddling into someone half his size. He felt safe in Jihoon’s company. He knew Soonyoung would target him. The man wanted Jihoon - so he needed Seungcheol out of the way._ _

__“You need to go home, Cheollie,” Jihoon murmured. “You aren’t safe.”_ _

__“I’ll be okay,” Seungcheol insisted in a small voice. He wanted to stay with Jihoon for as long as possible. “Anyways, I still need to go back to the hospital to get my stitches out next week.”_ _

__“You can probably do that back home-”_ _

__“American healthcare, Jihoon,” Seungcheol shot him a weak smile. “I don’t know how much I’ll be charged but it’s free here.”_ _

__Jihoon almost smiled. He held him close._ _

__“As soon as your stitches are out, then. And I’m staying off work.”_ _

__Seungcheol agreed. It was lonely without Jihoon when he was at work, and he secretly wished Jihoon had stayed at home all day that day, as well as the day before._ _

__They spent the evening cuddled up and watched Stranger Things after the surfer discovered Jihoon was the last person to watch it. Jihoon didn’t let Seungcheol leave his grasp._ _

__Jihoon didn’t sleep even for a minute that night. His brain was buzzing. He lay awake, listening to Seungcheol’s snores, murmurings, and eventually his screaming as Soonyoung attacked him in his dream once again. Jihoon hushed him and kissed his forehead, and even tried to sing him to sleep. He discovered it was the only thing that worked. So he ran through any gentle songs he had memorised, brushing his boyfriend’s hair back and discovering that with every second, he was falling in love with Choi Seungcheol._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jihoons in love and soons a dick wow  
> this whole thing?? mad eup as i went along fuCking hell thats tiring  
> thank u so much for reading and commenting ily all


	26. out and about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a v late thanks for 1k and 2k hits i just realised i never said anything abt it but trust me i am hella grateful and i lov u all even if u only read a chapter and got bored,, although u wont be reading this but u get me  
> have u noticed my chapters are always between 1.3k-2k recently im so proud of myself  
> anyways let the chapter commence

His name was Lee Jihoon and he was drunk. Seungcheol was now at home in America after taking advantage of Korea’s healthcare, and he was taking time off work. He had spent that day whining to Jihoon about being lonely whilst Joshua was in Seoul, but Jihoon stopped responding because he went out to a bar.

So now the boy stumbled down the street with a bottle in his hand. Where was he going? He had no idea.

Korea’s night crawled along as Malibu’s morning began. Jihoon’s phone vibrated in his jacket pocket but he didn’t feel or hear a thing. His mind registered it - Seungcheol calling to ask how Jihoon’s day was - but the boy didn’t even thinking about answering.

He found himself outside a tall building with white, pristine bricks. He made his way up the steps, holding tightly onto the iron railings, and watched his hand shake as it unlocked the main door. The drunk boy headed straight towards the elevator. Several moments were spent pondering over the floor number. The 7 glowed brighter than the rest so he prodded that one hopefully, and as the elevator rose he had a staring contest with his reflection in the mirror.

Jihoon barely acknowledged the dark circles beneath his eyes. They were a part of him now. His messy hair had been dyed black, and his faint eyebrows were now visible. He pushed it back.

Jihoon staggered out of the elevator and stopped at an oak door with a glistening ‘fourteen’ nailed upon it. His hand rested against the wood. A film was playing inside the flat. Jihoon knocked.

Jeonghan opened the door in confusion. His hair was also messy and pushed back, but in a much different manner than Jihoon’s, like a lover had run their fingers through it rather than how it was when he woke up. He was dressed lazily in a large t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms. The warm glow on his face immediately vanished. The softness in his eyes left and he glared at Jihoon with weapons for eyes.

“I missed you, Hannie,” Jihoon slurred, inviting himself in. Jeonghan sighed.

“Why are you drunk?” He asked. He crossed his arms and looked Jihoon up and down. Jihoon giggled.

“Because I’m depressed as fuck,” he answered. 

“Who is it, Han?” Joshua called out from the living room. Jihoon followed the sound, leaving Jeonghan rubbing his temples in the hallway.

“Shua-shua,” Jihoon cooed. The American raised his eyebrows. The two had never met before. “I like you.”

“You don’t know me, though?” Josh cocked his head. Jeonghan watched. He tried to read his boyfriend’s expression in the blue tinted light from the paused TV. 

“But my Cheollie says you’re nice,” the drunk boy smiled. “That’s good enough. Look after my Cheollie, okay? He needs it. Did he tell you he got stabbed?” Jihoon swung on the doorframe like he hadn’t just given Josh shocking news. Jeonghan’s jaw dropped.

The pair watched Jihoon for a moment, both in shock. Seungcheol hadn’t said a thing. In fact, Joshua had barely heard from him.

“Mmm,” Jihoon hummed, “and it was my fault. Soonyoung slit his stomach open. I took him to hospital and he had to have stitches, and he’s got time off work now. Did Jeonghan tell you how he cut his neck? That was my fault too. Soonyoung did it.”

Joshua stared at Jihoon, then at Jeonghan. Jeonghan had told him his hand slipped when shaving.

“Soonyoung’s stalking me,” the drunk boy continued swinging on the door frame, side to side with his knees latched to the wood. “I keep seeing him. I saw him at lunch many times, around my work building and in the streets...I think I deserve the shit I get from him. He probably followed me here somehow.”

Jihoon took a moment to process what he had said. Then he nodded.

“I should go,” he announced. “In case he followed.”

He stood up straight and blinked at Jeonghan. Jeonghan felt like he should speak but he had no idea what to say.

“You hate me, right?” Jihoon said. “That’s okay. I hate me too. I’ve been really shit to you. So, you know. Sorry. You won’t have to worry about me anymore. I’ll care for myself,” he nodded eagerly. He stared at Jeonghan as if he was looking at him for the very last time. “We had a good friendship, right? A good few years. Thanks for everything. And Josh? Look after Hannie. He looked after me, and I never helped him once. Make sure he’s well for me.”

And Jihoon left, weirdly cheerful, leaving Jeonghan stunned in the living room.

 

Seungcheol was currently third-wheeling with his two friends. They sat at a diner together drinking milkshakes, after Seungcheol insisted upon not surfing. He hadn’t told anyone about his stomach, and he knew that the new wound would open up again if he went to work. It was sore, and he had to take everything easy and he hated it. The man despised staying inside all day in Malibu when everything there was so lovely. So he shot Mingyu a text asking to hangout, and of course he dragged his fiance along, too.

Wonwoo and Mingyu were the definition of a perfect couple. They had been engaged for two years now, and made Seungcheol feel extremely unsuccessful. He was a ladies man - which was pretty frustrating because he was gay. There were so many people around that it was difficult to even find a man who liked men as well. God knows how Wonwoo and Mingyu managed it. But now at the ages of 24 and 23 respectively, Seungcheol felt shit about being 25 and being in his first relationship for five years. Both he Jihoon were millions of miles away from even thinking about marriage.

“How’s Jihoon, Cheol?” Mingyu asked, going to take a sip of his milkshake and spilling it everywhere instead. Wonwoo calmly helped him clean up. After years of knowing Mingyu, he had gotten used to his antics. Seungcheol couldn’t believe someone wanted to marry him. In Mingyu’s own words, he was handsome until he opened his mouth.

“He’s good,” Seungcheol told him with a grin. “He’s thinking of moving over here, actually.” Mingyu “oohed” dramatically and embarrassingly.

“He’s a journalist, right?” Wonwoo confirmed. “I’ll try get him an interview at our-my company.” Seungcheol thanked him, having been meaning to ask him anyways. Seungcheol had actually been the one to help Wonwoo get a job at the business. The man had been disappointed when Seungcheol left and gave him leaving gifts.

“Is he moving just for you?” Mingyu cooed teasingly. Seungcheol slapped his arm.

“He just prefers it here-“

“Yeah, because you’re here!” Mingyu squealed. Seungcheol’s face burned.

“It’s mostly personal reasons,” the elder claimed. His friends didn’t believe him. They teased him endlessly, extremely excited about Seungcheol loving someone other than his cat. 

Loving. Did Seungcheol love Jihoon? He felt that “love” was a strong word, but the more he thought about it the more he realised that yes, he did love Jihoon. His face and ears went red.

“Can we meet him when he comes over?” Wonwoo asked eagerly. Seungcheol sighed.

“If he wants to. His last relationship was difficult, it’s all about what he’s ready for and all.” His friends nodded understandably.

They finished their drinks and strolled along the cold path by the beach. Seungcheol shivered in his light jacket. He envied Mingyu, who had Wonwoo’s coat on top of his own.

“Do you ever give Wonwoo his clothes back, Gyu?” Seungcheol asked. He noticed he was even wearing Wonwoo’s sweater. Mingyu playfully scowled and whacked Seungcheol. He had meant to hit his arm, but misjudged how far away he was from him and caught his stomach. The man winced and scrunched his face up. He clutched onto the nearby railing.

“Jesus Christ!” Wonwoo exclaimed, “are you okay?”

“Did I hit you that hard? I didn’t mean to!”

“No, no, I know,” Seungcheol dismissed his apology with a wave of his hand. “I just...I had to go to hospital for stitches when I was in Korea.”

“What the fuck, Seungcheol?” Wonwoo bursted out. “Why didn’t you tell us? What did you even do? Shouldn’t you be resting?” The couple started fussing over Seungcheol, Mingyu putting his arm around his waist, Wonwoo holding his hand, even though after a minute he was fine walking.

It was clear that they were eager to know how he hurt himself, since they kept looking at him expectantly, but Seungcheol really didn’t want to tell them. So he kept his mouth shut and his friends went with what he wanted.

Mingyu dragged the surfer into a store and ordered him to pick out something he’d like. The younger felt guilty for hurting him and insisted on treating him. Seungcheol walked straight to the superheroes section and chose a Thor box set. Wonwoo gave him an odd look.

“I didn’t have you down as a Thor fan,” he said.

“Jihoon is,” Seungcheol shot his friend a small smile. Mingyu clapped with a girly squeal.

“The first Thor is shit,” Wonwoo commented when they quickly left the shop after Mingyu tripped seven times on his way to paying. Mingyu agreed with Wonwoo and Seungcheol shrugged.

The two launched into a discussion of their favorite and least favorite movies, and what films were coming out soon, and what they wanted to see, what they thought looked terrible, and Seungcheol got a bit bored. He wasn’t the biggest fan of movies - he was quite fussy about them. But Mingyu and Wonwoo seemed to have seen every film in existence and were now in their own bubble. They didn’t even notice Seungcheol had zoned out.

He held the three DVDs to his chest. They were special. To him, favorite films and songs were something personal, like a piece of the person’s soul. Someone who was obsessed with comedy films were completely different to someone who preferred historical films. So Seungcheol held the box set carefully and gently.

When he got home he placed them carefully in the sideboard that his TV stood on. He shot Jihoon a text, asking if he was proud of him for getting them. It wasn’t long before Jihoon replied and called him a nerd. Seungcheol pouted. Jihoon was the one who rambled about Thor when he was drunk.

The boy texted again a few hours later, to tell him that he got time off of work to look at a flat in Malibu, and job interviews. He told him when he’s coming over, and when he was leaving, and Seungcheol nearly cried.

Jihoon was going to be in Malibu for his birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u have no idea how excited i was when i realised my timeline dotted abt this fic add up to it being close to jihoons birthday holy sHIT but ill leave that for a bit  
> also drunk jihoon?? i had that idea in double art yesterday?? and its odd bc i didnt plan for jeonghoon to talk for a while yet but here we are i guess  
> i hope u enjoyed this mess of a chapter and im sorry abt the decreasing quality of my writing im tired, but i break up for easter soon so ill have two weeks off to write and ill try proofread properly and everything!  
> thanks for supporting this fic!!!!!!


	27. pals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe we're on ch27 i expected Person Who Dies to be dead by now when i started this fic wtf  
> also this is barely proofread??? apologies

His name was Lee Jihoon and he walked past Soonyoung. Anyone walking by would think the stalker was waiting for a lover. Jihoon barely glanced at him. Of course he knew he was there, however he refused to pay any attention to him. Soonyoung calmly, but determinedly followed.

This was the fourth time in a row now. To Soonyoung, it seemed as though Jihoon simply didn’t care about him. The truth was the boy’s heart was about to burst into a round of ironic confetti. He was scared. So fucking scared. He didn’t know Soonyoung’s plans, nor if he even had any. The man was a huge question mark. All of Jihoon’s fears developed from a fear of the unknown.

Jihoon had a sickly feeling in his stomach; that was Soonyoung’s effect. Once upon a time it was butterflies and joy, but had now evolved into fear and uncertainty. He wondered where Soonyoung’s sanity had gone so wrong.

Soonyoung was tired. Tired of Jihoon ignoring him. He wanted his lover back. So he grabbed his wrist and spun him around to face him. Jihoon fought to stay calm.

“Why are you ignoring me?” Soonyoung asked. Jihoon scoffed.

“Are you seriously asking me that? You stabbed my boyfriend, for fuck’s sake.” He kept walking. His ex walked too, his hand rubbing into Jihoon’s wrist.

“Only because he isn’t right for you,” Soonyoung claimed with an air of confidence. “You belong with me. Remember how happy our eight years were?”

Jihoon did remember. How could he forget? But he was much better now, he knew that. 

“And now I’m happier with Seungcheol.”

“But he isn’t the one for you, Hoon. I’ll treat you right. I can give you what he can’t-”

Jihoon had never turned around so quickly. His fist connected with Soonyoung’s face. The man stumbled back in shock and his nose quickly began to bleed.

“Don’t you dare try and tell me what Seungcheol can and can’t give me!” He yelled. His voice carried down the street. “He can give me so much more than what you ever gave me. I have never, and I mean never, been any happier than I am with him. Yeah, he’s in California, but he still treats me better than you ever did and could.”

And with that, Jihoon marched away. Soonyoung let him. Once his ex was out of sight, Jihoon broke into a sprint.

 

The twenty-four year old was glad to sit down. He was out of breath and his face was pink. He had managed to transform a 20-minute walk into a less-than-10-minute run. 

“Did you run to work? Why?” Junhui’s eyes were overcome with bewilderment. Jihoon just shook his head.

Junhui watched the boy log onto his computer and load his emails. Once he had his breath back, the Chinese man spoke again.

“Are you okay recently, Hoon?”

“I’m spectacular,” Jihoon stated, as if he hadn’t broken his ex’s nose fifteen minutes prior.

“Really? Jeonghan told me you showed up at his flat drunk and out of nowhere. That doesn’t quite scream spectacular to me.” 

Jihoon sighed so heavily it lifted his hair from his forehead. “Just a bad week, alright?” was all he said. Junhui rubbed his arm as comfort and nodded.

When the man had stopped watching Jihoon for a sign of emotion, he pulled up Google and continued his long search for Malibu apartments. He had only found one so far. The boy wanted options. The flat he had found wasn’t even brilliant - but Seungcheol had made Jihoon feel welcome to living with him until he found his own place, if necessary. It wasn’t a bad idea. 

It would be the second big step for Jihoon to take. The first was leaving Korea, his family and his few friends behind. That scared him, but he did hate Seoul, and even Busan. All he had in Korea was Junhui and Minghao every now and then. He no longer had Jeonghan. His drunk self had even tried to close their friendship once and for all. Jihoon never would’ve had the guts for that sober. 

Jihoon missed Jeonghan. Maybe that was why he had stumbled to his place. He missed him and it was his own fault that he no longer had him. It was what he deserved though, Jihoon decided. He had been ungrateful. He had thought the world revolved around him. Even when he was little, he thought everything stopped when he slept. He didn’t know when he lost that idea, nor could he exactly pinpoint where it had returned. But it had. And the cost was his best friend - the one person who could constantly put up with Jihoon. Now it was clear that Jeonghan couldn’t constantly put up with him after all.

Junhui put up with Jihoon; however Jihoon failed to see that. To him, Junhui just hated silence. 

Malibu was a chance for Jihoon to start again. It was like a different planet. Hell, Seungcheol had even liked him at first sight, and made up an excuse to talk to him. That made Jihoon smile. It vanished once a common thought cropped up: he had only stayed with him out of pity. He tried his best to shrug it off. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Junhui suddenly and loudly exclaimed. He peered over Jihoon’s shoulder. The boy groaned. “Places in Malibu?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon confirmed in a quiet voice, “I’m moving there.” It was scarier when he said it out loud.

“Holy fucking shit,” his co-worker said. Jihoon had to agree with that. “Why?”

“Because Korea sucks and Seungcheol’s there. I have the money. Why not?”

Junhui’s jaw had dropped. Never in a million years would he have expected Lee Jihoon of all people to move to Malibu.

“I’m going to be lonely,” he pouted. “But good for you, doing what’s gonna make you happy! I’m proud of you!” He squeezed Jihoon in a hug. He almost suffocated the poor soul.

Junhui abandoned most of his work that day. He emailed Jihoon links to websites and even ended up sending him a few photos to inspire an “apartment aesthetic”. Jihoon snorted. Lee Jihoon? Aesthetic?

The more his co-worker spoke about Malibu, the more excited Jihoon got. He most likely wouldn’t be moving until mid December at the earliest, maybe even the new year, but he was eager to leave Seoul.

And even more eager to live close to Seungcheol.

That evening he had to pack. He had left it a little last minute - he was going away for two weeks, starting the very next day, and he hadn’t packed anything. So he had to demolish his plans of having a movie night and organising himself instead. But he knew he would be with Seungcheol, in a city he loved, within 24 hours, and that made everything okay.

 

Seungcheol was relaxing on his bed when there was a loud knock at his door. It sounded painful for whoever it was knocking. He got up and opened the door, surprised to see an anxious, but angry, Joshua Hong.

“What’s up? I was reading Love, Simon,” Seungcheol said. On any other day Joshua would’ve corrected him, saying that that was only the film’s title, and the book was Simon VS The Homosapiens Agenda. Clearly the man wasn’t in the mood today.

“Why the fuck did you not tell me you got stabbed?” Joshua cried. 

Ah, Seungcheol thought. That.

“How did you even find out?” Seungcheol asked. Joshua walked past him and started making a cup of coffee. He had to be doing something when he was tense. It was a coping mechanism, Seungcheol had noticed.

“Because Jihoon got drunk, turned up to Jeonghan’s flat and started-”

“Hold up,” Seungcheol said, “Jihoon got drunk?”

“Yes, keep up!” Joshua exclaimed and ran his fingers through his hair. Seungcheol’s eyebrows furrowed. Drunk Jihoon wasn’t good, he knew that now, after the boy’s emotional breakdown revealing he was almost an alcoholic prior to their meeting. He had promised both he and Jeonghan that he’d stay away from it. 

Seungcheol knew Jihoon was still drinking. But he didn’t say anything, because he knew it was only a couple of beers a night. Jihoon had told him about his old habits. It was a huge improvement.

“Anyways, Jihoon came over and said his ex stabbed you and nearly slit Jeonghan’s neck, and I just…” Joshua sighed, exasperated. “You just could’ve told me!”

“I actually didn’t know about Jeonghan until literally like, a week or two ago,” Seungcheol told him. He took the coffee that his friend basically shoved at him. Some of it spilt down the mug. “Jihoon told me in a massive emotional outburst of self hate…”

“Everyone’s getting hurt and they’re too far away for me to look after and be sure that they’re okay,” Joshua placed another mug on the counter with such force that both boys were surprised it didn’t smash. “Jeonghan’s, what, five thousand miles away?”

“I think it’s nine thousand…” Seungcheol looked up as if God would suddenly tell him how far away Seoul was, “six hundred and seventy one miles? Or is it seven hundred…” he quickly pulled out his phone as Joshua put about five teaspoons of sugar in his coffee. He wasn’t even aware he was doing it.

“It feels like everyone’s crumbling into pieces around me,” the American sighed. “Jeonghan makes me feel better about everything but he isn’t here-“

“He’s only five thousand miles away!” The surfer exclaimed. “Where the hell did I get nine thousand from?”

Joshua continued rambling and then pulled a face when he took a sip of his sweet drink. He chugged it anyways and got to work on yet another coffee.

“Jeonghan doesn’t tell me anything,” the man continued. “He’s so content on not making me worry but I seem to be designed to worry-“

“Ah, Seoul’s nine thousand _kilometers _away,” Seungcheol exclaimed. Several tea bags flew in his direction. One whacked his cheek. Joshua threw one more just for good measure.__

__“You aren’t listening to me!” He cried._ _

__“Well, if you sit down and stop using all my milk, maybe I will!”_ _

__So Joshua sat on the maroon sofa and let go of all his emotions. Seungcheol felt like a therapist, nodding along and sharing advice. He apologised for not telling him of his injuries and promised him that he’s fine._ _

__Seungcheol knew there was a trigger for Joshua’s outburst. Normally, if the surfer didn’t tell him about something, Joshua was gentle about it. But something else was clearly wrong, so the man sat next to his best friend and held him close for a hug. Joshua sighed._ _

__“And my parents are getting a divorce.”_ _

__There it was._ _

__“Josh, I’m sorry,” Seungcheol said. Joshua nodded._ _

__The two friends stayed on the couch until the evening. Seungcheol consoled Josh for a while until he forced him to talk about his own life. So the surfer told Joshua about how exactly he managed getting stabbed, and it was nice to tell someone about it other than Jihoon._ _

__Jihoon._ _

__“Shit, Joshua,” Seungcheol sat up._ _

__“Hm? What is it?”_ _

__“I need to get Jihoon the best birthday present I possibly can.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so proud of hoon breaking soons nose omfg  
> also its nearly hoons birthday in the fic and all i know is what cheol gets him and the rest is a haze give me ideas


	28. flight log: arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST THINGS FIRST:  
> when i started this i got incredibly confused and now ages are fucked because i got so confused, and ill go back through and fix this one day but right now i cba:  
> cheol is 26, hans also 26, jihoons turning 25, josh is still 25 bc of dates and stuff,, and everyone else is 24, bookwan 23 and chan 22  
> OK thats cleared up let the chapter commence

His name was Lee Jihoon and he didn’t expect to feel so nervous when he reached LAX. He wasn’t here for a holiday this time; he was here for job interviews and to look at flats. Serious stuff.

When he took his phone off of airplane mode, he had a few messages from Seungcheol: a photo of where to meet him and what he was wearing. The man had also given him a bit of guidance on where abouts the meeting point was. Jihoon sent him a text to tell him he was on his way. He didn’t feel very hopeful about finding him - sure, he had found Minghao last time, but only when he was on Jeonghan’s shoulders and a heightened view. Everyone towered around him. He felt like a toddler. The boy had to stand on his tip toes.

“By the main entrance,” Jihoon mumbled, “where the actual fuck is that?”

Thirty minutes later he gave Seungcheol the biggest hug his little arms could possibly give. He had begun to lose hope because the thirty minutes felt more like thirty hours, and by the time he finally spotted his boyfriend he was close to tears.

“Did you get lost, kiddo?” Seungcheol laughed, giving him a kiss. He slipped his hand into his and they begun the second adventure of the day; finding the car.

Jihoon was dragging his feet by the time they found it. Seungcheol lead the way with the boy’s suitcase, and he was tempted to sit on top of it and let Seungcheol wheel him to his land rover. But they finally got to it, and as Seungcheol loaded his things in the back Jihoon sleepily climbed into the front seat.

It was an hour’s drive to Malibu and traffic made it longer. Whilst they waited to move, Seungcheol leaned Jihoon’s seat back so that he could sleep comfortably. The boy fell asleep to the sound of his boyfriend’s voice, soft as honey, singing along to George Ezra.

He was still asleep when Seungcheol parked the car. The surfer took his luggage up to his apartment and then came back for Jihoon, leaving the building door open so that he could carry him up. Jihoon stirred in his arms, then his eyes fluttered open. He scrambled out of Seungcheol’s arms, insisting he wasn’t too tired to walk. His little legs let him down and tripped over themselves as they left the elevator, however.

“Go to bed if you want, my love,” Seungcheol said. His bed normally only contained of one pillow in the middle of his double bed, but it was prepared so it now had one by the wall and two on the edge; one pillow on top half on top of the other, and the other half-stuffed down the back of the bed. It was weird, but it was how Jihoon liked it. He couldn’t sleep otherwise.

“Doesn’t your cat sleep in your bed?” Jihoon asked with a small laugh. “I’m going to get covered in cat hairs.”

“I’ve put fresh sheets on,” Seungcheol chuckled. “Only the best for my boy.”

Jihoon blushed. He didn’t climb in, as he wanted to get into the right sleeping schedule as soon as possible so that he was ready for his first job interview in a few days. It was at the company Seungcheol used to work for. Needless to say, he was nervous.

“Oh, don’t look under the bed,” Seungcheol said. “I still need to wrap your birthday presents. I stacked some pop vinyls around them to hide them a bit.”

“Birthday presents?” Jihoon asked. He wasn’t expecting anything at all from him. Junhui had given Jihoon a few wrapped things, and even something from Minghao. That all meant a lot. But the thought of Seungcheol remembering his birthday hadn’t even crossed his mind. Jihoon glanced beneath the bed. Sure enough, there was a little army of pop vinyls. Three different Thor figures stood at the front. It made Jihoon smile.

“Hey!” Seungcheol called out. “No peeking!”

Jihoon held his hands up in mock surrender. “I’m just admiring your Thors.”

The happiness Jihoon felt in Malibu was unexplainable. He was physically free from Soonyoung. Seungcheol was here. Hell, Jihoon even liked Princess, and smiled as Seungcheol snapped a picture of the boy with the cat on his lap.

“Joshua wants to meet you properly at some point,” the man said. Jihoon’s eyes widened. He had planned to never speak to Joshua - not after he had been drunk whilst meeting him. 

“Does he actually?”

“Yep. And Mingyu and Wonwoo. Speaking of those two, actually…” Seungcheol sat down next to Jihoon. It felt serious. “They’re getting married in March. And on the invitation there was a box to tick to say if you’ll bring a plus one, and I... kind of ticked it.”

“Are you asking me to be your plus one? To a wedding?”

“Yes,” Seungcheol nodded, “yes I am. But it’s perfectly fine to say no, I’ll understand, they’ll understa-”

Jihoon shut him up with a kiss. He was honoured. Now he was going to be in the wedding photos, and Seungcheol could one day regret it if they broke up. “I’ll be your plus one. But I’ll have to buy a new suit.”

Seungcheol grinned, then reached for his phone and shot Wonwoo a quick text.

Jihoon looked around the flat. It had obviously been tidied, ready for his arrival. Even Princess’ toys were placed neatly in a corner, although of course the cat had disrupted it a little. The kitchen contained nicely stacked cookbooks, and even a neat spice rack. Something told Jihoon his boyfriend was aiming to impress. The blanket on the sofa was folded neatly over the top of it. Jihoon much preferred Seungcheol’s flat to his own.

His bed had a lot more cushions along the side than the last time the boy saw the place. They were lined up along the side - some red, some black, some with a motivational quote printed on top. Junhui would’ve cried at the aesthetic.

“How’s your stomach, Cheollie?” Jihoon asked. He watched his boyfriend make drinks.

“A lot better,” Seungcheol smiled. “Don’t worry about me, kiddo, honestly. I’m back to work next week.”

Jihoon worried anyways. He still felt incredibly guilty about the whole affair. What he couldn’t get his head around was how Seungcheol had, at first, acted as though nothing happened. Was he trying to bleed to death? 

The event had quite the effect on Seungcheol. He didn’t like going out on his own in the dark anymore. He used to take walks when he was feeling restless at night, but now the thought of it scared him. 

The first week after Soonyoung slit him open, Seungcheol’s sleep was disrupted by nightmares. It still was, only less frequent. Each time he messaged Jihoon and whined about being able to sleep. Jihoon knew the truth. But he played along, talking to Seungcheol until he eventually disappeared, finally resting in the early hours of the morning.

“So,” Seungcheol handed Jihoon a mug of coffee and snuggled up with him on the sofa. “What do you want to do for your birthday?”

“No parties,” Jihoon said immediately. Seungcheol nodded.

“Mingyu wanted to organise a surprise party,” he explained, “so I had to stop him from getting carried away with that. He’s still under the impression that you’re a party animal. You might want to tell him that you’re a recovering alcoholic.” 

Jihoon sighed. It would probably be a good idea. He rested his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Oh, and Joshua told me about you going to Jeonghan’s flat when you were drunk,” Seungcheol told him. Jihoon sighed. “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

“No, I don’t.”

Seungcheol didn’t want to pressure the boy into what he wasn’t comfortable with. However he knew Jihoon couldn’t bottle everything up. He leaned his head against Jihoon’s.

“Tell someone when you’re ready, then. Even if it’s just Princess. Now tell me what you want to do on your birthday.”

Jihoon gave it some thought for a minute. “I’m honestly not fussed. I haven’t celebrated my birthday in years, it doesn’t bother me if-”

“We’re definitely doing something.” The elder said defiantly.

Truth be told, Jihoon wasn’t even convinced his birth was anything to celebrate at all. Why celebrate 25 years of being an inconvenience to everyone around him?

Jihoon fell asleep by 9pm. His head rested in Seungcheol’s lap and soft snores escaped his lips. Seungcheol gently lifted him up and tucked him into bed. He kissed his forehead.

“Goodnight, kiddo.”

 

Soonyoung was lounging on the sofa with an ice pack on his nose, feeling sorry for himself. His friend, Vernon, stared at him and almost laughed.

“I can see why he punched you,” he said. “You weren’t very good with attempting to win him back. Next time try and gently convince him you’re better than Seungcheol.”

“He shouldn’t need convincing,” Soonyoung huffed. “This time four years ago he wanted to marry me.”

“Yeah, but you kind of broke his heart.” Vernon lit his cigarette, not caring that he was indoors. “You need to win back his trust.”

“And how do you propose I do that?”

Vernon thought for a moment. He hummed. 

“Leave him alone. Make him think you’re gone. Then maybe talk to him, gently, and leave him alone again. He’ll come running back.”

It was Soonyoung’s turn to hum. Then he nodded.

“Earn his trust.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all the comments on the last chapter made me so happy you have no idea,, i even posted abt them on my ig story bc i was SO HAPPY  
> also follow my ig if u want its @jeonghan.jpg except it might change soon bc 1. its not even all photos 2. im no longer a jeonghan stan hao stole my heart almost 2 months ago n ill update any user change here ANYWYAS IRRELEVANT  
> thanks for comments and kudos and reading and everything i LOVE YOU ALL


	29. birthday boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my timezone this isnt quite 2 updates in one day bc its nearly 1am, however it is 2 updates within 24 hours bc i actually wrote most of ch28 like. the day i posted ch27?? so im on a roll i guess  
> ALSO I FUCKED AGES UP A G A I N IN THE NOTES  
> jun hosh and wonwoo are also 25, not 24 fdjhgj  
> this is a birthday filler enjoy

His name was Lee Jihoon and he woke up to the sound of Seungcheol’s voice.

“Happy birthday to you,” he sang, “happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Jihoonie…”

Jihoon groggily opened his eyes, rolling over and watching Seungcheol kneel down with a plate in his hand. A cupcake sat on top. It was plain, with white sugar icing and a single red candle.

“Happy birthday to you!” Seungcheol finished. “Make a wish, Hoonie.” 

Jihoon blew out the candle and shut his eyes. He wished for the only thing he wanted; for Soonyoung to leave his boyfriend alone. Seungcheol cheered and put the plate on the bedside table. He said it could be the birthday boy’s first breakfast.

“My first?” Jihoon asked, sitting up. “How many breakfasts am I having?”

“Just one more,” Seungcheol smiled. “Your second’s nearly done.”

Jihoon munched happily on his cupcake. It wasn’t much of a cupcake; it was more of a fairy cake. That suited Jihoon just fine. Buttercream icing made him feel sick.

Jihoon quickly glanced at his phone. He had a happy birthday text from Junhui and Minghao, but also Jeonghan. It only read “Happy 25th little dude”, but it meant a lot.

Seungcheol served him a plate of pancakes on a tray just as the boy finished his cake. They were plain and thin, and were accompanied by a jar of sugar and a small bottle of lemon juice. He had only been awake for five minutes and he already felt spoiled. The boy took his first bite. He almost melted.

“These are amazing,” he said, his voice muffled by pancake. Seungcheol grinned.

“Special family recipe,” the surfer revealed, “my Mama taught me just before she passed.”

Jihoon happily finished his food as Seungcheol dived under the bed. He took out pop vinyl after pop vinyl, then put them on the bed by Jihoon. The surfer crawled over his boyfriend and restacked his figures. He then got back on the floor and took out Jihoon’s presents. He left them on the coffee table. Jihoon watched his boyfriend open his backpack and take out the gifts from Junhui and Minghao.

When the birthday boy had finished his breakfast, he put the tray to one side and climbed out of bed. He sat on the floor by the coffee table.

“Which should I open first?” He asked.

“It’s up to you, birthday kiddo.”

He opened cards first. Junhui and Minghao gave him a card from the two of them together, and it was plain with a pea on the front, reading “Happea Birthday”. Seungcheol had given him one with Thor on the cover, and a big number 5 beside the god. The surfer had used a sharpie to write a 2 next to the 5. He had signed it off with ten kisses.

Jihoon decided to leave Seungcheol’s gifts till last, because he could tell the man was eager to see his reaction. Junhui had given him duvet covers and even cutlery sets, as well as a copy of Harry Styles’ album. He was grateful for the homeware especially, as it was one less thing to worry about when he moved to Malibu. Minghao had bought Jihoon his own camera, and a camera bag. Jihoon held the box in awe, then put it to one side to keep it safe.

Finally he came to Seungcheol’s presents. At some point, probably during Jihoon’s job interview the previous day, he had wrapped them beautifully in navy paper with silver stars. Jihoon had torn the other presents open carelessly, but this time he carefully lifted off the tape, bit by bit, starting from the smallest gifts. They were four identical boxes. Jihoon already knew what they were. Within a minute he had unwrapped four pop vinyls: Hulk, Black Widow, and GrandMaster as well as another Ragnarok Thor; this one held the skull of Surtar.

“You had better appreciate that Thor and GrandMaster,” Seungcheol said, “I went to five different Hot Topics to find them.”

Jihoon unwrapped the next gift. It was a book on Norse mythology. The boy couldn’t help but laugh. The next he unwrapped was a red cape.

“That’s a joke present,” Seungcheol informed him. “In case you want to play as Thor.”

“It’s okay,” Jihoon smiled sweetly, tying the cape around his neck, “I understand that you have a Thor kink.”

“Me?!” Seungcheol went bright red.

The next two gifts were shoes; some plain black, formal ones, good for work, and Jihoon was also in dire need of work shoes. Seungcheol let him wear his pair for his job interview. The other pair were black vans. Jihoon knew he’d be wearing those for the next ten years straight, as replacement for his dying converse.

The very last gift was large and a little bit heavy. Jihoon was nervous as he unwrapped it. His jaw dropped.

“You’re kidding,” he whispered. It was a collectible replica of Mjölnir - Thor’s hammer.

“Nope,” Seungcheol grinned. “I hunted around Los Angeles for that bad boy. Or girl. I don’t know.”

Jihoon took it out of the box and admired it fully. He ran his finger along each imprint and along the handle. Then he put it back in the box and re-adopted his reputation of not caring.

“You’re just trying to make me look like a nerd,” he insisted. But Seungcheol knew he loved it.

“You’re very welcome, kiddo.”

Jihoon couldn’t help but smile as Seungcheol began ranting about it being a good household ornament when the boy moved to Malibu. Whilst he spoke, he grabbed some jeans, and One of Seungcheol’s t shirts and sweaters.

“You’re a big dork,” he smiled. He looked up at his boyfriend, stood on his tiptoes and kissed you. “But I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The two smiled at each other for a couple seconds, processing their first “I love you”, then Jihoon gave him a quick peck and told him he was going to shower.

As the hot water trickled down his skin, Jihoon realised he was actually looking forward for the rest of the day. He didn’t know what they were doing, if anything, but already the day was going well. Very well.

When he got out of the bathroom, dressed in mostly Seungcheol’s clothes, Joshua was sat on the couch. Jihoon remembered his meeting with him whilst drunk and almost re-entered the bathroom.

“Hi, birthday boy,” Joshua greeted kindly.

“Can we pretend me drunk at Jeonghan’s never happened and this can be our first meeting?” Jihoon asked.

“Absolutely.” Joshua stood up. “It’s nice to finally meet you! I’ve heard a lot about you from Jeonghan. We both contributed to a birthday present for you.”

Jihoon now saw the box on top of the coffee table with a card on top. Something told him Jeonghan hadn’t put anything towards it. He knew Jeonghan as well as he knew himself. 

“Open it,” Seungcheol urged with a grin.

“Do you know what it is?”

“No, that’s why I’m eager for you to open it.”

The card was plain black and white letters read “old as shit”. Jihoon almost laughed.

The boy looked a little scared as he placed the gift onto the carpet. He slowly tore off the striped paper, to reveal a plain cardboard box. He lifted off the top.

It was a guitar. Jihoon’s breath hitched in his throat. It was black and glossy, with a slender, dark wooden neck. He was speechless.

“Jeonghan told me about you when we first met,” Josh said, “and he said you were incredible with a guitar.”

“I haven’t played in a while...” Jihoon gently took the guitar and held it in his lap. He tuned it perfectly by ear. Then he placed his fingers along the frets and plucked a tune with expertise. It was the theme tune to The Last Of Us. Seungcheol was in awe. But Jihoon wasn’t focusing on anyone else - the world of music had enveloped him, and it felt like he was in an old dimension - one he hadn’t entered for years. By the time he finished tears rolled down his cheeks. He didn’t even know why.

“Thanks, Josh,” he choked out. Joshua smiled and nodded.

 

Jihoon wanted to relax on his birthday but Seungcheol didn’t want the day to feel like any other day. So he booked a reservation at a burger restaurant, Jihoon’s choice, and took him on a birthday date (“A birthdate-ha!”).

To Seungcheol’s delight, Jihoon finished all of his food. He had ordered a large burger that came with fries, and just two months earlier he would’ve been sick if he ate even half of it. Alas, his plate was now empty and Jihoon was stuffed.

“I’ve actually gained two kilograms. Probably another two today,” Jihoon grinned. Seungcheol returned the gesture.

“Thank fuck!” He exclaimed with a small clap. “Keep gaining - it isn’t healthy to be able to see your ribs.”

“I’ve heard all of this from Jeonghan,” Jihoon told him, “save your breath.”

“I’m not lecturing you about your health on your birthday,” Seungcheol promised.

To Jihoon’s embarrassment, a waitress came out with a cake with fondant icing (“Because you mentioned once that buttercream icing makes you feel sick,” Seungcheol told him) and sang happy birthday to Jihoon, accompanied by the surfer. Even a few diners nearby joined in. Jihoon blew out the candles in one go and made his second wish that day. Of course, the cake was Thor themed. As if the staff singing to him wasn’t embarrassing enough.

They each had a slice - even Jihoon despite being full; because fuck it, it was his birthday. Seungcheol made sure the boy had the bit with Thor’s head.

“I just ate a God,” Jihoon stated. Seungcheol chuckled fondly at his boyfriend.

That night Jihoon lay happily in bed. He had had an amazing day, and now he stared at the pages of his Norse mythology book. It was like a book of bedtime stories to him.

“Should I read to you, kiddo?” Seungcheol joked.

“Go ahead,” Jihoon said, pushing the book towards Seungcheol. The surfer smiled and flicked to the first page and began to read.

“Before the beginning there was nothing - no Earth, no Heavens, no stars, no sky. Only the mist world…”

And Jihoon fell asleep to Seungcheol’s warm voice narrating Norse tales, after the best birthday he could ever hope for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the amount of thor in this chapter im so sorry i was watcjing ragnarok  
> i also nearly changed an actual replica of the hammer to a little key ring but. hoon deserves to be spoiled. also i bought myself the keyring  
> FUN FACT i actually write most of this fic whilst watching ragnarok,, i really love ragnarok its so fuckIng funny  
> i also asked about three ppl as of what they should do for hoons birthday and carmen was like "touristy malibu things" and i just,, malibus so fucking boring?? i looked into it for the first few chapters nad a harbour tours as good as it gets when u hate the beach bc its literally only exciting for a surfer  
> carmen and i's main conclusion: 'dammit jihoon get a hobby'  
> anyways  
> thanks for reading ily all


	30. meeting friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is barely proofread im sorry

His name was Lee Jihoon and he listened to Seungcheol’s ranting about Malibu apartments as they drove to the beach.

“Honestly, you might be better off living with me,” he said with a sigh. “Flats can be really expensive over here. We can split bills and all that…”

Jihoon leaned his head against the window, ignoring how bumpy and painful it was. He sighed heavily.

“Look, darling, I love you, I really do, but I don’t think I’m ready to live together. It’s such a huge commitment.”

“That’s perfectly fine, I’m ready for whatever you’re re-”

“But then,” Jihoon continued, “I feel safer when I’m with you. Even if Soonyoung’s five thousand miles away, it still feels like he’s nearby.”

Seungcheol understood. He felt it, too. He wondered what it was like for Jihoon. Soonyoung wanted him. And who knew what his limit was? He had even been willing to kill both Jeonghan and Seungcheol. The surfer gulped.

Jihoon noticed. “You’re scared on your own too, aren’t you?”

“Well, I don’t go out at night alone anymore,” he mumbled, so that he kind of answered, kind of didn’t.

Jihoon added that to his mental list of reasons to move in with his boyfriend. Perhaps it was the most important reason. The boy sighed loudly once again. The surfer copied him as a weak attempt to bring a smile to Jihoon’s face.

“I don’t know, Cheol,” Jihoon admitted.

“That’s fine,” Seungcheol reassured him, parking the car along the beachfront, “just think about it. Update me on your thoughts.”

Jihoon felt like 165cm of anxiety recently. The weight of Soonyoung, Jeonghan, job interviews, as well as stress of moving to another country were all pressing on his shoulders, heavier than ever. He felt like he would fall, soon. And now he was meeting Mingyu and Wonwoo.

They were meeting for lunch at a cafe. Jihoon wasn’t sure if it was a double date or anything like that, and he was too awkward to ask. Either way, he was nervous. Seungcheol knew that and gave his hand an encouraging squeeze.

The other couple were there first. They were sharing a strawberry milkshake, although they each had their own. Mingyu was half in who Jihoon assumed to be Wonwoo’s lap, just to steal his drink.

“Hey, weirdos,” Seungcheol greeted with a laugh. He slipped into a chair opposite Wonwoo. Jihoon followed, avoiding Mingyu’s gaze.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Wonwoo nodded at Jihoon. The boy awkwardly nodded back. He could already feel his cheeks burning up. “Seungcheol doesn’t shut up about you.”

“Oh God,” Jihoon groaned in concern. He looked at his boyfriend. “What have you said?”

“All good things! Why don’t you trust me?” The surfer laughed with his hands in mock surrender.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty damn stupid,” Mingyu said. Wonwoo mumbled something along the lines of “at least he’s pretty” and then denied saying anything at all.

To the boy’s horror, the pair were interested in Jihoon and his life, and kept questioning him as soon as he and Seungcheol got their drinks. Unfortunately, he was the most boring person alive. They asked about his (non-existent) hobbies, his job and favorite films. Seungcheol jumped in about how much Jihoon loved Thor whilst the boy hid his head in his arms.

“Are you still partying hard?” Mingyu asked with a mischievous shine in his eye.

“Gyu says you can drink a cup like a shot,” Wonwoo commented.

“I’m actually a recovering alcoholic,” Jihoon blurted out.

Seungcheol choked on his drink. He was shocked at how blunt his boyfriend was about it. Jihoon patted his back as Wonwoo slapped his hand over his mouth and Mingyu’s jaw dropped. Neither knew what to say.

The atmosphere became awkward and now the boy regretted his entire existence. Now Seungcheol’s friends would look down on him. They would think he’s pathetic. They would wonder what Seungcheol saw in a boy who was still unable to say no to a drink. But then, they wouldn’t be wrong. 

Jihoon couldn’t breathe.

“I need air,” he mumbled, standing up and hurriedly leaving the cafe. 

Seungcheol turned around in concern, watching him leave. 

“Hoonie!” He called out. He bit his thumb.

“Was it us?” Wonwoo asked quietly.

Seungcheol shook his head. “No, of course not. I don’t think he was quite ready for this… that’s my fault.”

“Should you follow him?”

“I’ll give him a few minutes,” Seungcheol jogged his leg and stared at the table. He was so stupid. Now Jihoon would be upset with him.

They waited a couple of minutes for Jihoon to return. Wonwoo leaned up out of his chair and leaned side to side.

“I can’t see him,” he said. “He was standing with his back to the glass just a minute ago but now he’s disappeared…”

Seungcheol was up quicker than you could say “Jihoon”. He quickly apologised, grabbed his backpack and left, looking left and right for his boyfriend.

“Jihoon!” He yelled. His voice travelled down the street. He cursed the boy for being so small - he was so easily swallowed up by a crowd. 

Seungcheol paced the street several times, each side, back and forth. He leaned against a pine tree and tapped Jihoon’s contact. It rung several times and then went to voicemail. The surfer groaned.

His first thought was to go to the car, but Jihoon wasn’t waiting there either. The surfer felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and his heart raced. But it was only Wonwoo; he was offering to search for Jihoon, too. He sent back “please”.

Seungcheol really started panicking when he got back to his flat and Jihoon wasn’t there, either. The boy didn’t have a key, but he checked inside anyways.

“Oh, Hoonie, where are you?” Seungcheol asked, running down the stairs and hopping back into his car. Before he set off again, he tried his boyfriend’s phone once more. It went to voicemail.

What if Soonyoung had tracked Jihoon down? Seungcheol thought. He had his number. What if he had the software to track him with that? Followed him to Malibu? To the cafe? Seungcheol told himself he was overthinking, but it didn’t stop his crying anyways.

“If you’re hurt, I will never forgive myself.” Seungcheol sobbed. He started the car up and continued the search.

He pictured Jihoon scared and lost in the middle of Malibu. He pictured him crying, someone hurting him. He pictured Jihoon abducted by Soonyoung, and Seungcheol began to fear the worst.

How the hell would Seungcheol find Jihoon within the whole of Malibu? He could be anywhere. The surfer hated himself more and more each second - this was all his fault.

Seungcheol searched well into the night. He drove, and walked about on foot too. He even looked around a few bars, showing bartenders and party goers a photo of his boyfriend on his phone. But then his phone died. He had to resort to asking people if they’d seen a short, skinny man with thin eyes, dark hair and a dark green sweater. No one had. 

His hunt got harder the later it got. The only light out was from the moon and streetlights, and most people were drunk, unable to help even if they had seen the missing boy.

Eventually, at 4am, Seungcheol drove home. He lay in bed, cuddling one of Jihoon’s sweaters to his face and indulging in his scent.

“He’ll be home when I wake up,” he told himself. “He’ll be okay. Lee Jihoon, you had better be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this shouldve been better but i think a migraine started up because it took an hour for two painkillers to kick in and i was nearly sick and so i wasnt up to good quality writing but i still wanted to update bc im dedicated  
> anyways is hoon dead? is he alive? OooOoOoo  
> ok thanks for reading ily all


	31. safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe we're on ch.31,, my previous longest had like. 20 chapters this is so wild  
> anyways enjoy

His name was Choi Seungcheol and he woke up to Jihoon’s absence.

The surfer looked around. For the first time in five years, he shoved his cat off of his chest. She meowed in offence.

“Nothing personal, Princess,” he mumbled, “Jihoon could be dead for all I know.”

As quickly as he could, he changed into clean clothes and made himself a coffee in a travel cup. He called Jihoon’s number. It went to voicemail.

“See you later, Princess.”

Seungcheol was running off of three hours sleep. His coffee was vital to help him to keep going. But coffee or no coffee, sleep or no sleep, from now on he wouldn’t rest until he had found Jihoon. He already regretted his three hours sleep - he could’ve found Jihoon in that time.

The surfer had woken up from a nightmare again. This time, though, he saw Jihoon, bloody and beaten in a dark alley. He tried not to think about it. Instead, Seungcheol checked that his lockscreen was the best, clearest photo of Jihoon that he had, and continued last night’s search.

 

Lee Jihoon walked the streets of Malibu. His clothes were crumpled as a result of sleeping in them the previous night. He held a takeaway coffee in one hand, and attempted to tame his sticking out hair with the other.

The boy was fine. He just couldn’t handle meeting Seungcheol’s friends; and then them knowing about his almost-addiction to alcohol. Jihoon had been fine with Joshua simply because he knew Jeonghan well, and was also clueless to Jihoon’s past.

He had spent the night at a hotel. All Jihoon wanted then was his own space. It made him realise he couldn’t cope with living with Seungcheol. At least, not yet. His time to himself was important, and would be impossible to get in a studio apartment.

Jihoon cursed when he reached Seungcheol’s flat. The man’s black land rover was nowhere to be seen. He had no key. So Jihoon sat down by the building’s door and made the most of his hot drink in the cold November chill. He wished he had a bit more than a sweater. Why did he not think to put a t-shirt on underneath the previous day?

He didn’t know how long he sat there for. His hands and feet went numb, so he guessed it was about an hour. He thought about going to a coffee shop and coming back later when his boyfriend was likely to be home, but then he couldn’t quite feel his feet.

Eventually a neighbour came by. He looked at Jihoon in confusion.

“You okay?”

Jihoon nodded. “Just locked out of my boyfriend’s place.”

“Did he kick you out?”

“No,” Jihoon said. If he was Seungcheol, he’d have kicked himself out long ago.

“Is it Seungcheol, by any chance?” The neighbour questioned. Jihoon raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Yeah, how did you know?”

The man smiled. “You said boyfriend. He’s quite open about being gay. When gay marriage became legal in all 50 states, he had a gay pride flag on his door for weeks. Come on, I have a key for his flat since I feed his cat when he’s away.”

Jihoon followed the neighbour who introduced himself as Chan. He was chatty, and told the elder that Seungcheol had actually told him about him already. Jihoon went red when he told him he really liked him.

“Cheol’s one of the nicest people I know,” Chan smiled. “Hold onto him. With both hands - you seem half his height.”

“I am half his height,” Jihoon confirmed. He watched Chan open the door for him. There was a certain keyring that caught his eye. It was a red circle, with black imprints - like an aim. 

“I like your keyring,” Jihoon commented. Chan grinned.

“Thank you, it’s Hawkeye.” He paused and admired the keyring himself. Jihoon could only catch a small glimpse, but he noticed now that Chan wore hearing aids, and Hawkeye was deaf. Although that factor was ignored even by the films.

“I know,” the elder smiled, focusing on the keyring again. “I love Marvel.” 

“Cheol said you’re a Thor nerd?”

“I am not a Thor nerd,” the elder denied. Chan hummed and swung the door open. “Thanks, Chan. See you around.”

Jihoon greeted Seungcheol’s cat and gave her some food. After throwing his coffee cup in the trash, he climbed into bed and bathed in his boyfriend’s scent.

A thing about Jihoon was that no matter how awake he was, he could always fall asleep in less than a minute. So despite being well rested, he slept peacefully until Seungcheol came home.

The first thing he heard was the lock. Jihoon braced himself for questions. He stood up and watched the door open.

Seungcheol looked like he had been crying. His dark hair was uncharacteristically unkempt, and his clothes were mismatched. He looked a mess, to say the least. He froze when he saw Jihoon. 

“Where the hell have you been?” He slammed the door shut. “I’ve been worried sick, Jihoon! I’ve been searching for you since 7am, I searched for you last night until 4!”

“I’m sorry, Cheol, I-”

“I thought something had happened. I thought you were hurt! Why didn’t you text me?”

“My phone died, Cheollie-”

“I thought Soonyoung managed to follow you here!” Seungcheol continued to shout. He was crying, too. “I was so fucking scared, Jihoon. For all I knew, he abducted you, hurt you...I had a nightmare about it! I dreamt that you died... thank God you’re okay.” He held Jihoon tightly to his chest. “Where were you?”

“I wandered around for a bit. Calmed myself down. Then I stayed at a hotel. To be honest, I was too embarrassed to text. I expected you to think less of me.”

“Oh shut up, Jihoon,” Seungcheol muttered into the boy’s neck, “I would never think less of you. Next time, just tell me you aren’t ready, okay?”

“Okay.” Jihoon agreed. They held each other for several minutes. Seungcheol was still crying so the boy continued to rub his back and hush him, telling him he’s okay.

It took a whole thirty minutes for Seungcheol to stop sniffling. In that time Jihoon made him a hot chocolate, settled him on the couch with blankets and then put The Big Bang Theory on. Seungcheol finally smiled, but told Jihoon he should be looking after him, rather than the other way round. Jihoon just shrugged.

“How did you get even in?” He asked.

“Chan,” Jihoon said, and explained the pair’s meeting. “Also, he likes Hawkeye enough to have a keyring. I’ve never known someone to acknowledge Hawkeye’s existence, let alone buy a keyring.”

“You’re both nerds,” Seungcheol chuckled fondly.

“Says the man with eighteen pop vinyls.”

Seungcheol relaxed against the sofa, looking at Jihoon with hearts for eyes. He was so glad he was okay. His heart had stopped when he walked in and saw the boy safely tucked up in bed. Soonyoung hadn’t followed him after all. He wasn’t hurt. Jihoon was okay.

“I love you, Jihoon,” Seungcheol murmured. 

“I love you more.”

 

It had been several days since Jihoon’s not-so-mysterious disappearance, and he was coming to the end of his holiday. He was flopped in the middle of the flat, lying on his stomach. Princess occasionally walked on him whilst Seungcheol kicked him to check he was still alive.

“My cat’s such a bully,” he said as the feline trod crossed Jihoon’s back. 

“Hm? No, she’s fine.”

“You should stand up for yourself. She’s walking all over you.” He cackled for a good minute. “G-get it? Because she’s...sh-she’s literally…”

“Yes, Seungcheol, I understand,” said his boyfriend, giving all his energy to not smiling.

Seungcheol wasn’t sure what Jihoon was doing. He seemed to be in the middle of an existential crisis. The surfer thought it best to leave him to...whatever.

Jihoon decided to get up five minutes later. But he had stiff bones; it was his inner grandpa. He fell over about three times, Seungcheol giggling, Princess looking a bit scared, until he was finally standing.

Seungcheol watched him take his laptop and phone out onto the balcony. The surfer decided Jihoon was insane for sitting outside, on the coast, in jeans and a t shirt.

“That boy’s going to be ill soon,” he sighed to himself. Princess meowed. “That’s exactly how I feel, my lovely.”

Before long Jihoon had returned. He shot Seungcheol a small smile and made himself a coffee. His boyfriend watched him curiously.

“You okay?”

“Yea-” Jihoon’s phone rang. He jumped, spilt the sugar, and quickly answered. Seungcheol began to clean up. Jihoon went onto the balcony once more, so the elder looked at Princess and sighed at her. She only stared back with her big green eyes.

When Jihoon reemerged, he was fiddling with his fingers. Seungcheol couldn’t tell if he was excited or nervous.

“I, uh,” he scratched his neck. “I’ve decided on a flat. That’s why I went out earlier.”

“Which one?”

“The last one we looked at. The beachview one.”

“Good choice,” Seungcheol nodded approvingly.

Jihoon took a breath. He looked at Seungcheol. Then he smiled.

“And I’ve got the job at where you used to work. I start in the New Year.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love hawkeye u guys i wish his deafness was shown in the films :((  
> also chans hard of hearing in this!!!! that idea for chans been playing around for months and was originally in a previous fic that i never actually posted its just abandoned in my google docs but i lvoe me some representation!!  
> i wrote half of this whilst watching the first avengers for the first time in 4 years and i literally, did not focus on the film at all like i even missed the puny god bit i hAte myself  
> anwyays  
> thanks for comments and kudos and nearly 3k hits wtftfwtfwtfwtfwtwftwfwtfwtw ily


	32. change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i changed the fic desc again but i warned that in the tags so,,, its also mostly the same? i just took a chunk out and added in one sentence so hoepfully it doesnt confuse anyone too much if at all  
> anyways this is pretty shit bc im tired and was also listening to my mums friends tea whilst writing this

His name was Lee Jihoon and it was his final day in Seoul. The previous day had been spent cleaning up his desk at work, disposing of or packing the numerous bits and bobs he had stored over the years. Junhui watched him sadly.

“Don’t forget me,” he said dramatically.

“We can still text,” Jihoon promised, “and maybe we can meet up whenever I’m back to see my parents.”

“But they’re in Busaaan,” Junhui whined with a pout. “I’ll miss you.”

Jihoon smiled. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’ll miss you too.”

“What if your replacement doesn’t listen as well as you?”

“I never actually listened to you though,” Jihoon admitted, “I just learned to block you out.”

“...and now I’ll miss you less,” Junhui said with folded arms. Jihoon chuckled and insisted that the man wouldn’t miss him at all.

Junhui didn’t let Jihoon go until he had given him a massive hug, to the point that the boy could barely breathe. It was almost emotional. 

So now Jihoon stood packing the last of his things, seventeen hours before he left for Malibu. He was shit at packing. Two suitcases were messily stuffed with all of his clothes, another filled with blankets and pillowcases. Anything else had already been sent over to Seungcheol’s, who promised to take them to the boy’s new place. He had promised to make it cosy for him for his first night. He had bought basic furnishings, like a bed and a sofa, before he went back to Seoul. The boy had gotten lost in Ikea during the process. He had also heard Seungcheol spent six hours just building the bedframe for him. Joshua turned out to be good at slipping Jihoon funny little things about the surfer that the surfer himself would never admit.

As Jihoon tried to zip one of his suitcases up, he failed to hear the door open. He continued pressing half of his weight onto the case and pulling on the zip with all of his might.

“What’s up, little dude?”

Jihoon turned around in shock. Jeonghan was leaning against the door, his arms crossed and wearing a small smile. Like old times.

“Why are you here?” Jihoon asked.

“To help you pack,” Jeonghan said, as if it was obvious. He waved at Jihoon’s situation. “You suck at it. Obviously.”

The man walked over, helping Jihoon get up because he knew him as well as the back of his hand, and knew too well about his grandpa-like bones. He opened Jihoon’s suitcase up, and took everything out.

“You need to roll stuff up,” he instructed, swiftly rolling up a shirt, “it creates more space and it doesn’t crease.”

Jihoon had known he missed Jeonghan, of course, but he didn’t realise just how much until that moment. 

He kneeled down next to his old friend and helped him repack. It was silent; but it was comfortable. 

“Hoon?” 

“Hm?” Jihoon hummed.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were moving to Malibu?” Jeonghan questioned. It had upset him that he had only heard it through others. Jihoon sighed.

“I didn’t think you’d care.”

Jeonghan stopped and stared at the boy. He cocked his head to one side. Didn’t think he’d care? He was always going to care.

“Seriously?”

“You hate me.”

“Jihoon - oh, Hoon, no,” Jeonghan took the boy’s cold hand. He rubbed circles in his palm. “You’re a right pain in the ass sometimes, and undoubtedly selfish, but I do care about you. It’s why I stuck around for the last four years until recently.”

“And it means a lot, Han. And I’m grateful for everything you’ve ever done for me. Right from the day we met. Sorry for being a dick.”

Jeonghan nodded with a smile. He looked at Jihoon with a motherly look in his eyes.

“I know, Hoon.”

They finished off Jihoon’s suitcase of clothes, and it shut with ease. Jeonghan silently moved onto the next one. He was biting his lip. Jihoon couldn’t read the expression on his face.

“You’re gonna be okay in Malibu,” Jeonghan said. “You’ll do good. You’ll be really happy.”

“I know,” Jihoon nodded. “Why are you reassuring me?” A part of him needed it.

“I’m reassuring myself,” the elder admitted. Despite everything, it was almost wired into Jeonghan to worry about his friend. Ever since college, he had seen that Soonyoung was never going to be quite enough to look after him. He had needed someone’s wing to hide under. Jihoon had grown up bullied, and only Jeonghan and Soonyoung knew that. 

“I’m so used to worrying about you...oh my God, Jihoon, I can’t believe you have the guts. You, an alcoholic-”

“ _Almost _alcoholic.”__

__“-are turning your whole life around. And I am so, so proud of you, Hoon. So fucking proud.”_ _

__Jeonghan held the small boy in his arms. He had watched the boy go through so much, from college, to engagement, to breakup and right through an almost-alcohol addiction. It meant so much to Jeonghan that Jihoon was doing what it took to be happy._ _

__“Do you need a ride to the airport tomorrow morning?” Jeonghan offered once the pair had completely finished unpacking and then repacking Jihoon’s things._ _

__“Are you sure? My flight’s at seven.”_ _

__“Yeah,” Jeonghan nodded. “One last favour. Then that’s it - you’re on your own.”_ _

__“I’ve been on my own for the last two months, actually.”_ _

__“Yeah, and I’m surprised you’re alive.”_ _

__Jihoon smiled. He was surprised, too. He had gone food shopping, got himself up, made it to work on time, all without any help (excluding Seungcheol calling him as an alarm). Hell, he even cut down on alcohol without Jeonghan’s help._ _

__Jihoon realised something._ _

__“Haven’t you got work tomorrow?”_ _

__Jeonghan shot him a sheepish smile. Then he revealed he had lost his job. Jihoon’s jaw dropped. He asked if it was his fault and Jeonghan shrugged._ _

__“First two strikes were you, yeah. But the third was just me oversleeping. By several hours.”_ _

__Jihoon apologised. Jeonghan accepted it with a hug, and went home shortly after._ _

__Neither had said it, but they each knew they would never go back to how they used to be before their argument. Jeonghan would never be over what Jihoon said. He would never forget how the boy had made out that he should’ve just died for him, without any doubt. Maybe it was stubborn. Maybe it was petty. But it was something Jeonghan would forever be pissed off about._ _

__Jeonghan woke Jihoon up bright and early the next morning. The sun was yet to come up. He wanted to look after him for just one more morning, and then that was it. He would let Jihoon go, almost like a mother letting her child leave the nest, except this was a gentle closure to a six year friendship. The gentle closure Jihoon needed._ _

__Although Jihoon was tired, they conversed in the car. They caught up on each other’s lives. Jeonghan discovered Jihoon really had changed - he had started collecting things, and actually used the guitar Joshua bought (although he had left it in Malibu for convenience and safe-keeping). The man had told his boyfriend not to bother with a guitar. He was so sure that Jihoon wouldn’t use it. That just further showed how much the boy had changed._ _

__Two hours later Jihoon was moments away from boarding the plane. Jeonghan pulled him in for a last hug._ _

__“Take care of yourself. Don’t drink. And just be happy, okay?” Jeonghan said._ _

__“I will. I’m sure of it.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of you wanted jeonghoon to fully make up and stuff but jihoons been rly shit to jeonghan? idk if ive emphasised it enough but hes literally been a miserable grumpy ungrateful little motherfucker for four years straight and barely said anything to jeonghan and then basically told him he shouldVE died so jeognhasn rpoObably going to be pissed off  
> ive actually been imagining this chapter since about,, ch4? its so weird like the last milestone point ive been imagining is the mjor character death and idek when thats gonna be so  
> ANYTIME NOW  
> thanks for kudos and comments ily so much  
> also hit up my ig @jeonghan.jpg and if u dm/comment that ur an ao3 person ill definitely folloow back,, but pls hit me up bc im 899 and its drivinG ME INSANE but if u dont care abt my ig thats understandable and ily anyways


	33. fondue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my mousepad broke whilst tryna upload this and i had to wedge my amazon gift voucher down it yall better appreciate this  
> also i wrote this whilst watching: guardians of the galaxy, thor the dark world And thor ragnarok  
> i onyl got 1.1k words out of it but thats what happens in a boring brely proofread filler

His name was Lee Jihoon and the first time Seungcheol saw him really smile was when he walked into his new apartment. Seungcheol had been busy the last few days trying to make the place as nice as possible (at least, nicer than his flat in Seoul). The boy had sent his boxes of things to Seungcheol’s place, and had also left his birthday gifts with him. The couple had bought some of the furniture from Ikea, which was more of a trip than planned because both boys got lost.

The moment he walked in, Jihoon could tell that Seungcheol had worked hard on the flat. It was beautiful. The front door walked into the main living space, which contained of a grey sofa, made comfortable with red and black cushions. A black coffee table stood in front and a good sized TV was on the wall.

Behind the living area there was the kitchen. It was small, of course, but comfortable. The counters were bare apart from a single cookbook. It was ironic - the best Jihoon could cook was a pizza. Divided by a bookcase, Jihoon’s double bed was next to the kitchen. It was backed cosily into the corner of the wall. Seungcheol had gotten him a duvet cover with Thor on it. It was a almost embarrassing. Above the bed there were two shelves; one filled with albums and DVDs, the other stacked with Jihoon’s pop vinyls. His guitar was mounted on the wall, too. The remaining space of the flat was taken up by the bathroom.

And best of all was the glass door opposite the entrance, that lead onto the balcony with a beach view. Jihoon leaned his suitcase against the dressing table at the end of his bed and grinned at his boyfriend. 

“This is amazing,” he said, “you’re good at decorating.”

Seungcheol snorted. “My brother helped. He’s an interior designer.” 

Jihoon whistled. “Impressive.”

“Oh, and that’s Hao’s gift. We didn’t choose that. Although Seungmin - my brother - told me where to put it.” Seungcheol pointed to a framed photo above the bed. It was in black and white and focused on mossy rocks at a beach. The emerald moss was the only thing in color. Minghao’s watermark was subtly slapped in the corner.

The pillows on his bed were flattened against the wall and Jihoon almost laughed. They were like that in Seoul, but only because they moved into that position whilst Jihoon slept over the years. He never bothered to fix them. Seungcheol had picked up on the detail and copied it for him ever since. Jihoon altered his pillows and left it as that but he thought it sweet that Seungcheol had remembered to include that detail. He looked betrayed when he saw Jihoon changing it.

“I thought that’s how you liked it,” he pouted.

“No, it just happened over the years.”

“Damn,” Seungcheol mumbled.

“Points for effort,” Jihoon grinned, standing on his tiptoes to kiss the man’s cheek. “Seriously, the place is great. I love you and your interior designer brother.”

“Seungmin didn’t even do much,” Seungcheol said, trying to get more attention and less to his brother. “He just told me what colors go together and yes, red cushions will be fine with Thor, and to get black shelves.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “Are you fighting for my love?”

“Yes.”

The younger looked around again. He noticed the pegs by the front door for the first time and laughed. One peg was taken up by Seungcheol’s jacket and another...Mjölnir. He loved it.

“Are you happy?” Seungcheol asked, placing his arms around Jihoon’s waist and kissing his head.

“I love it. I love you.”

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. The two shared a puzzled look so Jihoon hesitantly opened the door. He half expected to see Soonyoung. Instead, he opened the door to a boy around his age, with round cheeks and bright eyes. In his hands he held a tin of homemade cookies.

“Hello!” He greeted cheerfully. “I’m Seungkwan, your new neighbour. I live across the hall. I saw your friend bringing boxes in here the other day and he told me you were moving in today, so I thought I’d welcome you to the building!” He held out the biscuits. Jihoon took them gratefully.

“Ah, you didn’t have to trouble yourself. Thank you.”

“My mum’s recipe,” Seungkwan beamed. “And it’s no bother, honestly. I had a lot of spare time. Don’t worry about the tin, I have millions.”

“I don’t even have one,” Seungcheol mumbled. Jihoon chuckled, placing the cookies on the counter. They were fresh out of the oven - the tub was warm in his hands.

Seungkwan looked over at Seungcheol. Then at Jihoon. Back at Seungcheol. Back at Jihoon.

“Are you two, uh…” he clicked his fingers a couple of times, “like…”

“We fondue,” Jihoon said without thinking. Seungcheol choked air for a moment and then nodded.

When Seungkwan left, Seungcheol gave Jihoon a look. The boy was leaning against the wall with his hand over his mouth, evaluating everything he’s ever done and everything he’s ever said.

“We fondue? Captain America quotes to your new neighbour? Seriously?” Seungcheol asked. The two started laughing.

“I panicked!”

Jihoon pushed it aside and focused on unpacking. Seungcheol helped, wondering how the boy had the energy despite a long flight. He seemed to be in another world as he folded shirts and put them into his chest of drawers.

“You okay?” He asked.

Jihoon smiled. “Yeah, I just... can’t believe I live here now. Nine thousand miles away from Soonyoung.”

“It’s actually five thousand,” Seungcheol corrected him, “I got it wrong. It’s nine thousand kilometers.”

“Still very far apart,” Jihoon said happily. “It’s weird. A year ago all I wanted was to be in his arms. Now I can’t think of anything worse.”

After packing, it was still 4pm so Jihoon had a quick hour’s nap. Seungcheol flicked through the cookbook, made a list and sneaked out of the flat to do a mini food shop. When Jihoon woke up he was treated by a simple plate of spaghetti bolognese.

“I really do love you, Cheol,” Jihoon said, his empty plate on his bedside table and his body pressed against Seungcheol’s on his bed.

Seungcheol smiled. “And I love you.”

The two sat snuggled up together for several moments until Seungcheol spoke up again.

“So we fondue?”

Jihoon looked up at him. He placed his hand on Seungcheol’s chest with a smirk. “We can fondue.”

A soft cuddling session with Captain America references quickly became something more. Jihoon’s lips were on Seungcheol’s and his hands found his way down the surfer’s shirt, unbuttoning each button as Seungcheol’s hand lifted up Jihoon’s tee. Both of their hearts were pounding, blood rushing as their kisses became rougher and hair messier.

It was the good start, to say the least, to Jihoon’s new life in Malibu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wink wonk  
> yeah i watched captain america for the first time yesterday then dad bought me the boxset and then i watched age of ultron thaNk yoU jEsuS and im seeing black panther on tuesday whOOo  
> thanks for reading commenting and leaving kudos ily all


	34. tiny tree man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i havent updated in a few days i dont rly have an excuse i just didnt rly know what to write? also wrote a meanie fic instead bc why not  
> enjoy

His name was Lee Jihoon and he admired himself in the mirror. He felt confident. He had a new, fitting suit and his new work shoes from Seungcheol. He hadn’t worn them for long before. It was exciting and it reminded him of getting new school shoes as a kid.

Jihoon was glad that he only lived a twenty minute walk away from where he now worked. The walk each morning and evening was something Jihoon had always loved. Although now that it became dark earlier, he wasn’t too sure how he would be walking home in the dark. Like Seungcheol, he also felt uneasy about it after Soonyoung. If worse came to worst he’d just call him.

So Jihoon set off to work, half excited, half nervous. He didn’t know why he was excited - he was still a journalist - but it was almost like it was telling him that he really was living in Malibu now. He was earning there, making a living there. The new Jihoon he promised himself months ago.

When he got to his new desk, he was relieved to see that he had his own cubicle. As fun as Junhui had been, he would quite like working by himself this time. It was plain and empty so the first thing Jihoon did was pull out his backpack. From it he pulled out a small framed photo of he and Seungcheol, as well as a pop vinyl of Groot. He took it out of the box, handling it with care, and placed it next to the photograph.

“I can’t believe you just took a pop vinyl out of its box,” a deep voice said from behind him. Jihoon turned around. Wonwoo was stood there, sipping his coffee. He pushed up his circular specs. “That just lost all of its value. Down the drain. Gone. Well done.”

“I have a second Groot in its box at home,” Jihoon mumbled. “This one is so I can bobble its head when I’m stressed.” He felt a little embarrassed around Wonwoo, since the last time he saw him he had left abruptly and disappeared for a day.

Wonwoo nodded and hummed. “That’s a nice photo of you and Cheol, by the way.” Jihoon went red. The elder noticed he was a little uncomfortable and closed the conversation off. “Okay, well, enjoy working here. Have a nice day.” 

As Wonwoo walked away, someone’s head popped over the cubicle wall to the left of Jihoon. The boy didn’t notice until he spoke. It made him jump

“So you’re new, huh? I’m Seokmin, but everyone calls me Dokyeom. I like your tiny tree man. He’s pretty cool. Have you named him? I feel like I’ve seen him before. It’s so cute, where did you get him?”

“It’s Groot from Guardians Of The Galaxy,” Jihoon informed him with a sigh. He had hoped for a quiet co-worker.

“Oh!” Dokyeom exclaimed. “So that’s where-”

“Dokyeom, leave the poor guy alone,” a female voice said out of nowhere, assumingly from beside the man.

“But I want to get to know-”

“Leave him!”

Dokyeom huffed. He blinked at Jihoon with a pout. “That’s Irene. She’s mean.”

Jihoon gave him a small smile, and got to work. Although Dokyeom would undoubtedly get on his nerves, at least he was friendly.

“Hey, Dokyeom?” He called. The man pushed himself on his chair and next to Jihoon. It made him miss Junhui. “You’d really, really like my neighbour.”

“What gender?”

“Male.”

“Fantastic,” Dokyeom clapped. “Set me up.”

At the end of the day, Jihoon didn’t walk home. He decided to surprise Seungcheol. Also, he hadn’t seen him for two days and he missed him. It was a long walk but it was worth it. It was relaxing too, now that he knew Soonyoung was definitely not behind him. It helped him clear his head. By the time he reached his boyfriend’s flat he had reviewed pretty much everything that had happened that day. The boy now had a key so he let himself in.

The sight that welcomed him was the last thing he expected to see; Seungcheol standing with a baby in his arms, bouncing it a little and smiling. Jihoon wasn’t a fan of kids but it was a beautiful sight. Everything else blurred and all he could focus on was Seungcheol rocking and grinning at a small baby in a strawberry onesie. He was quickly overcome by confusion. Whose baby was this?

“Oh, hey, Hoon!” Seungcheol looked up and happily said, “this is my niece! She’s called Chaeyoung. And that’s my brother, Seungmin.” Jihoon now saw a man, who looked similar to Seungcheol, relaxed on the sofa. They nodded at each other.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Seungmin told him with a smile. 

“And I’ve heard next to nothing about you,” Jihoon admitted, looking extremely puzzled. “Wha-why didn’t you tell me you had a niece? How old is she?”

“She’s only a few weeks old!” Seungcheol exclaimed. “And it never came up. Wanna hold her?”

Jihoon shook his head in fear. Lee Jihoon? Tiny humans? A terrible mix. “No. I don’t trust myself.”

“I trust you. Whoever I trust, Seungmin trusts. Sit down and I’ll hand her over.”

Hesitantly, Jihoon took a seat next to his boyfriend’s brother. Before he knew it, he was holding a tiny baby girl, half on his lap, half in his arms. But she was safe and secure. Jihoon was proud of himself. Seungcheol was quick to take a picture.

“I feel like I’ve awkwardly barged in on a family thing,” Jihoon admitted. 

“You are family,” Seungmin insisted. 

“Not really, Cheol and I aren’t married or any-”

“I’m not married,” Seungcheol’s brother cut him off with a shrug. “But my girlfriend’s family.”

“You have a kid together. It’s different.”

Seungmin nodded. “Fair do’s. But still! You’re family.”

Jihoon went red and focused on the little girl in his arms. Babies gave him an existential crisis. He wondered what she would be when she grew up. The possibilities were endless. She could become an interior designer like her dad, or follow whatever path her mum went down. Equally, she could be something completely different. A doctor, a scientist, an author...it blew Jihoon’s mind.

“How’s your day been, Hoon?” Seungcheol asked, placing a mug of coffee next to him. “Did your first day at work go well?”

“My co-worker called Groot a tiny tree man,” Jihoon stated. Then he added, “and Wonwoo talked to me.”

“Did you run away and disappear for a day?”

Seungmin laughed but Jihoon just glared. He hadn’t actually glared at anyone for a while. Seungcheol had once said that his resting bitch face had been replaced with a poker face. Jihoon supposed it was an upgrade.

He was relieved that he quickly became comfortable with Seungcheol’s brother. Seungmin was easy going and humorous, and like Seungcheol, quickly realised when they were approaching topics that Jihoon wanted to avoid, like why he moved to Malibu. The two brothers also shared a love for terrible puns. Jihoon groaned. He felt sorry for Seungmin’s daughter - she was going to have to grow up with this. 

Seungmin took her back when she started crying for food. As he got up, Seungcheol dived next to Jihoon rather than sitting cross legged on his bed. He kissed him on the lips and held him close. Seungmin was watching them with a smile. He was glad to see Seungcheol so happy. Before the man had met Jihoon, he had been less cheerful, less jokey, and stuck in a job he didn’t like. He wasn’t sure whether quitting proof-reading had anything to do with Jihoon, but he knew Seungcheol was much happier now and Jihoon was the main reason for it. It was ironic, really. Jihoon was, in Seungcheol’s words, “adorably grumpy”.

Seungmin left shortly after, telling his brother something about getting his daughter into a routine quickly. That was a lie, of course - no three week old baby would be settling into a routine - but he could tell that Jihoon wanted time alone with Seungcheol.

Once he was gone, Jihoon flopped into Seungcheol’s lap. He was still fully in his work suit, with his blazer and tie. He sat back up and threw each of them off, and unbuttoned a button or two. Seungcheol watched. He bit his lip. Jihoon noticed and the blood rushed to his cheeks and ears.

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” he said. He hesitated, then he added, “I’m asexual.”

Seungcheol’s big eyes became bigger. They blinked at him.

“But we…”

“Yeah,” Jihoon actually laughed. “Just because I’m asexual doesn’t mean I can’t...fondue. It just means I don’t feel the fonduey-ness. It was a good night, still.”

Seungcheol chuckled. “Alright. Doesn’t bother me.”

“Wonderful,” Jihoon hopped back into the sofa, cuddling into Seungcheol’s side. He was relieved to have that one out of the way. It was probably only a little thing, however it had been playing on his mind. He still felt a little guilty. Was he overreacting? He had no idea.

The evening turned into a mini movie marathon. They watched both the first and second Guardians Of The Galaxy, and Seungcheol nearly cried from happiness at dancing Groot. Jihoon fell asleep in Seungcheol’s lap, so the man tucked him into bed. He had changed into some of Seungcheol’s clothes for comfort, so he put his phone on charge for him and hoped he wouldn’t mind accidentally staying the night.

Seungcheol lay down next to Jihoon. He watched his chest rise with every breath. Light snores escaped his pink lips and with each second, the surfer knew he was well and truly in love with Jihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IN THE SECOND GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY GROOT CRIES AND MY HEART IS STILL BROKEN I LOVE HIM SO MUCH  
> anyways  
> if u want any like. scenarios or whateevr comment suggestions bc idk what to do?? i have basic plot points but nothing else except cheols gonna have his own chapter at some point so,, help me out  
> ALSO!! i changed my ig user to 8xuminghao so. hit up ur local hao stan  
> its 3:32am btw how dedicated am i  
> thanks for kudos and comments ily all


	35. marriage is overrated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is barely proofread bc its 4:10am enjoy

His name was Seungcheol and he had insisted on pampering Jihoon. They sat in pajamas and dressing gowns on the bed, a few candles lit around them. Seungcheol’s large hands massaged god knows what into the boy’s skin, and he was now glowing.

“I don’t see why we have to do all of this,” Jihoon said, gesturing to all the products around him, “it isn’t our wedding tomorrow.”

“It’s nice to make an effort, Hoonie,” Seungcheol laughed. He patted his cheeks. They weren’t as hollow as they had been when they first met - six months ago, now. He was still pale but he had a healthy color to his face these days. It made Seungcheol so happy to see how much better he had become.

“Why are you staring?” Jihoon asked. He was beginning to feel insecure.

“Because you’re beautiful.”

Jihoon shook his head and broke eye contact. He stared at his own hands instead. Compliments always embarrassed him. He’d never had much self esteem, but any that he had had disappeared with Soonyoung. Seungcheol saw that. It broke his heart. To him, Jihoon was the most beautiful person in the world - inside and outside. He said it with a kiss.

“Hey, are you drinking at the wedding?” He asked. 

“No. I shouldn’t.”

Seungcheol nodded. “Alright. I’ll make sure no one offers you anything.”

“Don’t be embarrassing,” Jihoon groaned. His boyfriend held his hands up in mock surrender.

“I just know that in the past you haven’t been able to say no,” he said, “so if that’s the same tomorrow I’ll say no for you. Just stick with me.”

“Right. Thanks,” Jihoon shot him a small smile. The boy still had a drink, every now and then, but never on his own. He went to Seungcheol’s, or even Wonwoo’s now, if he wanted to. To be sure he didn’t get completely wasted.

Jihoon had grown closer to Wonwoo. They chatted at work each day during their break, getting to know each other more and more. The two had lost their awkwardness over the last three months. It was mainly because Jihoon liked to turn to people he knew, so to Wonwoo he went. He used to be extremely independent. It was something to do with Soonyoung - having him following had caused Jihoon to prefer being with another person. Living alone was fine but when he was out and about was when he felt the least at ease.

Jihoon woke up late the next morning. Seungcheol was shaking him and lightly slapping his face.

“Jihoon, we need to leave in forty minutes and you haven’t even showered yet,” he whined. 

Jihoon groaned. “Five more minutes.”

“Hoooonie,” his boyfriend whined. He pouted. Then grinned. He began smothering him with kisses, slowly at first, lips, nose, forehead, and then became dramatic about it. Jihoon squealed and put his hands over his face. Seungcheol kissed his hands instead.

“Okay, okay, I’m up,” he said. He sat up and noticed Seungcheol had lay his suit neatly on the edge of a chair. It made him smile. His boyfriend cared for him so well.

Thirty minutes later, Jihoon was washed and looked rather sweet in a plain black and white suit. He had even gone for a waistcoat and Seungcheol’s heart was melting. His bow tie hung around his neck. He didn’t know how to tie a bow tie but he wanted to wear one. His boyfriend cooed at him.

“Do you need me to tie that for you?” He teased. “You big baby. Well, little.”

“What did I say about poking fun at my height?” Jihoon muttered. He had always been on the short side. Kids had bullied him for it since he was about ten. It remained his biggest insecurity.

“I’m sorry, kiddo,” Seungcheol pecked his lips, and then tied his bowtie for him. He smoothed out his hair into a side parting and nodded. “There. Handsome as ever.”

The car journey would’ve only been forty-five minutes, but traffic made it an hour and a half. Seungcheol was glad they left early. The wedding was at three, but they left at one. The elder had to wake his boyfriend up when they got there, then rearrange his hair.

“I don’t see the point in marriage,” Jihoon mumbled as perched their rears in white wooden seats in a gorgeous stretch of grass. “Why bind yourself to someone forever? Divorce is also a pain.”

“Not everyone gets divorced,” Seungcheol argued.

“Most do. Either way, it’s just a massive commitment.”

Seungcheol agreed with that one. He wanted to get married, he had dreamed of it since he was little, so he spent a few minutes debating over whether or not it was too early in the relationship to be upset that Jihoon didn’t want to.

The ceremony was beautiful. It took place outdoors, surrounded by grass and trees. Nearby was a large, white farmhouse. It reminded Jihoon of Junhui - the place was quite aesthetic. Anyone could see why they chose the venue. 

Seungcheol got emotional as two of his best friends said their vows and Jihoon silently judged him. He never understood why people cried at weddings. Great, people loved each other and were legally binded now. Surely they just felt trapped?

After the ceremony, most guests entered the farmhouse. However, some were called aside for photos. Wonwoo, Mingyu, Seungcheol and Joshua got a photo together, and Jihoon was then pulled in. Seungcheol held the boy in front him, head resting on his chin. Jihoon smiled awkwardly and placed his hand on Seungcheol’s.

After pictures they then walked into the farmhouse where there were oak chairs at white covered tables. One long table stood at one side, obviously showing where the grooms, best men and so on sat. There was a large space in the middle for dancing. Fairy lights were strung across the beams of wood along the ceiling. It was gorgeous. Name tags were set in front of each chair, and Seungcheol was glad to discover that the couple had taken Jihoon’s drinking habits into account and sat the couple in a back corner, as far away from the bar as possible. Jihoon was pleased too - it wasn’t going to get crowded in the back corner.

Their table fit seven people, and Jihoon only knew two of the remaining five. One was Joshua, and he sat just opposite Seungcheol. The other slipped next to Jihoon and the boy had never been more shocked.

“What the fuck?” He said. “Minghao?”

Minghao spluttered with laughter. “Hey, Hoonie, how’ve you been?”

“As good as I’ve ever been. I didn’t know you knew Mingyu and Wonwoo.”

The man nodded. “Yeah, Gyu and I met at the surf hut when we went on holiday. I’m also the photographer. Did you not realise it was me? Yeah, I’m a photographer guest. Pho...Photoguest?”

Jihoon groaned at the pun attempt and turned to Seungcheol, who was talking across the table to Joshua. He stared with around eyes at his boyfriend. He wished for his attention so that he didn’t have to listen to Minghao trying to think of a pun.

“Anyways, you look much healthier than when I last saw you, Jihoon,” Minghao spoke. Jihoon turned back to him. He smiled.

“Thank you.”

“Have you gained weight?”

“Yep, five kilograms,” as soon as Jihoon said this, he was engulfed in a big hug from the photographer. The boy just sighed.

Just a few minutes later Minghao got up to take photos. As it got darker, the lighting became prettier with all the fairy lights so he took advantage, snapping good shots of the guests as well as the grooms. He even called out at Seungcheol and Jihoon, making sure to get a nice one of them together.

Jihoon sat through speeches and the grooms’ first dance, and with all due respect, he was bored. Everyone around him was chatting, eating and drinking. Jihoon glanced at Seungcheol, saw that he was distracted, then stood up and slipped away.

He made his way towards the bar. It reminded him of the party he went to with Seungcheol, except now he really, really shouldn’t be drinking. Not at a wedding. The wedding of someone who knows he used to be an alcoholic. He shrugged and hoped Wonwoo wouldn’t see, then ordered himself a glass of prosecco. Then another. And another. And another. He took his next glass back to the table with him.

“Hey, Hoon, where have you been?” Seungcheol asked. He frowned when he saw the glass in his boyfriend’s hand.

“It’s most definitely juice,” Jihoon insisted, sitting down. 

“Is it, now?”

“Mmmmmhmm,” the boy took another sip.

“You said you weren’t drinking,” his boyfriend said. Jihoon continued to down his drink in response. “Okay, well, last one.”

Jihoon hummed. As soon as he had consumed the last drop, he craved another, but Seungcheol had his hand on his thigh - he wasn’t letting him get another drink.

“I’m not drunk,” Jihoon piped up. He grinned when Seungcheol looked at him.

“Right.”

Minghao sat down at that moment. Jihoon looked over at him and informed him that he wasn’t drunk. The photographer slowly nodded and then congratulated him, not too sure what to say.

The exact second Seungcheol lifted his hand, Jihoon shot up. He bashed the table a little bit but he barely noticed, rushing towards the bar. He started chatting to the bartender about whatever came into his mind. The man nodded politely, although of course he wasn’t listening. Jihoon was getting more and more drunk by the second. 

Suddenly hands were on his shoulders. Jihoon turned around, rather shocked. Wonwoo stood there, looking a little concerned.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“He-” Jihoon hiccuped, “hello.”

“Should you be drinking?” Wonwoo asked kindly. He leaned down a little bit so that he was eye level with the boy.

“Yes,” the drunk nodded eagerly.

“Really? Because a little birdie once told me you were a recovering alcoholic, and I really don’t think you should be relapsing.”

Jihoon’s only response was a violent hiccup. It caused him to spill his drink down his leg. Wonwoo puffed out his cheeks.

“Where’s your blazer?” He asked. Jihoon hadn’t even noticed that he didn’t have it on. His waistcoat was still buttoned up, though, and his white sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. 

“I think...Seungcheollie has it,” Jihoon hummed. “My hotter than Thor boyfriend. Do you know where he is?”

Wonwoo took Jihoon’s arm and directed him towards Seungcheol. The surfer looked relieved when he saw the pair. 

“Thanks, Wonwoo,” he said. “Do you mind if we leave? I’d stay later but Jihoon isn’t really in the right state…”

When Wonwoo insisted it was fine, Seungcheol took his boyfriend off of the newlywed's hands. He helped guide Jihoon’s arms into his blazer and hoisted him up onto his back before trundling off to the car. He had to stop to put Jihoon down as he called out that he felt sick. He threw up on the side of the road, and then two continued their journey.

Two hours later Jihoon was fast asleep in Seungcheol’s bed. It was now 1am, so Seungcheol got into his pajamas and climbed in next to the boy. He wasn’t angry - just a little upset that Jihoon had relapsed. He was mostly disappointed in himself for allowing it to happen. The man just felt that he needed to control himself sometimes. It obviously didn’t work out too well.

Seungcheol sighed deeply, watching Jihoon’s chest rise up and down. He traced the outline of his lips and ran his finger along his jaw before kissing his forehead.

“You’re a hot mess, Jihoon,” he mumbled, then he cuddled up to his side and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i watched black panther today it was GREAT and i also went to kfc for the first time and it was not so great  
> ive said this before but this is genuinely the last thing i imagined for this fic before the major character death...tragic  
> thanks for comments and kudos ily


	36. hung up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally forgot to proofread this  
> this is called hung up bc. he is hungover. but also remidned of his past. he is hung up on his past. mockingly deep AND a pun  
> ok enjoy

His name was Seungcheol and he sat silently on the couch, browsing his phone with headphones in. He was mindful of Jihoon. The boy was still asleep and Seungcheol knew he would be hungover, too. The peace was spoilt by his cat knocking over a vase and Seungcheol groaned. Jihoon did, too.

“Princess, for the love of ever fucking fuck,” the surfer sighed. He looked over at his boyfriend. He was curled up in a ball, face buried into the pillow. Seungcheol got up to grab him an aspirin and a glass of water. He handed it over silently.

Jihoon took it gratefully, even mumbling a small thanks. He stayed sat up for a few minutes. His hands cupped his glass and he took gentle sips of water. Seungcheol watched.

“Are you mad at me?” Jihoon asked very, very quietly. “You look mad.”

“What?” Seungcheol was taken aback. His eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not mad. Why would I be?”

“Because I promised not to drink and I got really drunk and Wonwoo had to escort me back to you. I think - it’s foggy.”

Seungcheol nodded with his head resting in his hand. “Yeah. Yeah, that all happened. If anything, kiddo, I’m mad at myself because I promised you I wouldn’t let you drink. I let you go. Twice.”

“Why?”

The surfer shrugged. “You aren’t a baby. You can make your own decisions.”

“I’m twenty-fucking-five. Jesus Christ.”

“Hey!” Seungcheol cried. “I’m older than you! Am I a grandpa?”

Jihoon smiled and buried back under the sheets. His head was pounding. He hadn’t been this hungover for a long time - it was like an old friend. It seemed to subside when Seungcheol spoke, though. His honey voice was soothing.

“Cheollie?” He called out softly.

“Yeah?”

“Can you sing to me?”

Seungcheol was shocked. He hadn’t sung in front of anyone for a while; and he had never sung _for _anyone before. But anything for Jihoon.__

__“Uh, o-okay. What do you want me to sing?”_ _

__“Anything. Something soft.”_ _

__Soft, soft, soft. Ed Sheeran? Lany? Or something Korean?_ _

__“When I, when I was younger…” his voice rung out into a song by Taeyeon, whilst all insecurities over his singing vanished. Jihoon relaxed against his pillows, cuddling up to his blanket, and there was a small smile on his face._ _

__Jihoon mostly slept through the day. He had a little bit of lunch, only because Seungcheol begged him to eat. He ate more, but only at work or so he could honestly say yes when his boyfriend checked he had a meal. He still wasn’t healthy._ _

__Seungcheol knew this. Of course, he didn’t know the specifics of Jihoon’s diet, but he knew for sure that he wasn’t mentally healthy either. So he had managed to book him an appointment with a psychologist. The boy didn’t know it, yet. Seungcheol decided now would be the best time to tell him; he was sleepy and probably a little less aware of what was happening. Hopefully._ _

__“Hey, kiddo?” He spoke again when Jihoon hummed. “I’ve booked for you to see a doctor on Tuesday.”_ _

__“What doctor?”_ _

__“A psychologist.”_ _

__Jihoon turned to face the surfer with a frown. The man immediately fiddled with his fingers and chewed his lip._ _

__“Why?” He asked. He almost sounded angry._ _

__“Because you need it, Hoon.”_ _

__“No,” Jihoon snapped with a glare. “No, I don’t. Cancel it.”_ _

__“I’m not cancelling it. Soonyoung’s messed with your head, you need some help.”_ _

__Jihoon sat up. He stared coldly at his boyfriend. Seungcheol was a little bit scared now. He had never seen Jihoon angry before._ _

__“Seungcheol. I’m not going.”_ _

__“Why?” The surfer questioned. “Why are you so afraid of people helping you? From what I’ve heard, you’ve shut everyone out for years before we met. You hate talking about it. You had a whole panic attack and ran away when you told someone you were a recovering alcoholic. Jeonghan told me you bottled stuff up and drank your problems away, and it’s not healthy. You need help. You need to get diagnosed, you need medication and you need a therapist-”_ _

__“Shut up, I’m fine-”_ _

__“Why are you so afraid to get help?”_ _

__“Because it means I’m weak!” Jihoon yelled. His eyes filled with tears. “I’m the guy who couldn’t handle it when his boyfriend broke up with him. The one who turned to alcohol for four years and the five years later he still can’t resist a fucking drink.”_ _

__Seungcheol said nothing. He watched Jihoon throw his phone and charger into his backpack, as well as his suit and anything else he had brought with him to his boyfriend’s._ _

__“I’m going home,” he mumbled. “Thanks for looking after me.”_ _

__“I’ll pick you up at quarter to six on Tuesday,” Seungcheol called out as Jihoon left. He slammed the door in response._ _

__Chan was collecting his mail from his postbox at the bottom of the stairs. He shot Jihoon a friendly smile but the boy ignored him, walking past and out of the building._ _

__It was dark out. Jihoon didn’t like it. Not one bit. He kept looking around him and kept his keys between his fingers. For a moment, he thought he saw Soonyoung. But when he looked back, no one was there. He ran anyways. Just in case._ _

__A huge wave of relief overtook Jihoon when he got inside. He took the lift to the twelfth floor, and saw Seungkwan sat outside his door with a pout. Jihoon gave him an odd look._ _

__“Whoa, you look bad,” his neighbour said._ _

__“I’ve been in bed all day. What are you doing?”_ _

__“Locked out. I’m waiting for my friend. He has a spare key.”_ _

__Jihoon nodded. For a moment he debated inviting Seungkwan in. Just for a moment. Then he entered his flat and shut the door. He threw his bag down with a heavy sigh. He leaned against the door for a few minutes and when he heard Seungkwan go inside, he left his flat again. He took the elevator to the roof. It was pretty, decorated with plants and a few chairs. Jihoon walked to the edge and leaned over the glass fence. It was dangerous, but he didn’t care. The boy listened to the ocean waves crash against the sand. He closed his eyes._ _

__

__Seungcheol was standing on his own balcony, too. He watched the ocean and the urge to surf became strong. It was an emotional outlet. But he knew better than to swim at night. He did once, with Mingyu. He almost drowned. So that was an experience to never be repeated._ _

__Thinking of it made Seungcheol remember when he had to save Jihoon from drowning. They were messing around, as he tried to get the boy comfortable in the water. But at some point the comfort ran out because he turned around and Jihoon wasn’t there. Time stopped at that second. His heart was racing and he started panicking. As quick as he could, he dived under and took his arms, taking him back to the shore. The weak pulse he felt on his wrist had terrified him. Seungcheol had to blow air into the boy’s lungs. The relief that took over him when Jihoon woke up had been overwhelming._ _

__He smiled looking back at it now. When their romance was blossoming. When Seungcheol was still trying to figure out if the boy was even gay or not. Until he essentially came out when he was drunk._ _

__Seungcheol wondered how much Jihoon had loved Soonyoung. He was engaged to him. Jihoon said just yesterday that he never wanted to marry. He guessed that Soonyoung had put him off of marriage. But he knew Jihoon didn’t love Soonyoung now. Anyone could see that._ _

__He was worried about Tuesday. He had been before. But the boy wasn’t accepting proper help and Seungcheol didn’t know what to do. How did Jeonghan care for him so thoroughly for four years? That man’s patience was remarkable._ _

__Once he was feeling more relaxed, Seungcheol went back inside. His phone was on the coffee table and it lit up with a text from an unknown number._ _

__**Unknown number  
He’ll be mine soon. ******_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was SO EXCITED to post that i didnt even glance at this but im editing this bit in just after uploading so its up now its too late  
> im sad bc this fic will end soon and idk what im gonna do afterwards :((  
> also i bought valkyries pop vinyl today and my receipt said valkyrine and now carmen aka wydryn woNT STOP CALLING HER VALKYRINE  
> thanks for comments and kudos i love u all SO MUCH


	37. valkyrine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this wouldve been posted earlier bc i wouldve written more if i didnt oopen up my laptop the other night to see a spider on the keyboard, slam it shut, panic, send my friend 26 reaction pics to show how panicked i was abt the spider, all at 2am,,  
> also i wrote most of this whilst watching winter soldier on a fucking split screen how hardcore is that

His name was Seungcheol and it was Tuesday morning. It was early. He wasn’t normally up at 6am, but he was already nervous for the evening. He was sure his boyfriend was mad at him and he didn’t want to make it worse.

Jihoon’s appointment wasn’t the only thing causing his nerves. Soonyoung’s text meant somehow Soonyoung had got hold of his number. God knows how. He was scared for himself, and Jihoon, and he was trying to distract himself now, since ignoring it outright wasn’t working.

He didn’t drink his coffee. He had done a Joshua - it had far too much sugar in it. Instead he left his flat early and sat on the beach, watching the sun rise with his surfboard beside him, thinking.

Seungcheol hadn’t heard from Jihoon since they argued. He wondered if Jihoon was still mad at him. He sighed, wishing there was a pebble around for him to throw. Why was Malibu so sandy?

Seungcheol nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard someone yell his name. A few seconds later Mingyu happily sat down next to him.

“Hey! Why are you here so early?”

“Why aren’t you on your honeymoon?” Seungcheol asked.

“We’re leaving tonight,” Mingyu said, still smiling brightly.

“Ah,” Seungcheol nodded. “Greece, right?”

“Yeah, Wonwoo wanted to go where they filmed Mamma Mia,” Mingyu snorted. Seungcheol smiled along. He wouldn’t mind that, either. Who wasn’t a sucker for Mamma Mia?

The conversation fell into comfortable silence, with the two friends sitting quietly. They watched dog walkers stroll along the sand, and the elder envied how peaceful they all looked.

That evening, Jihoon would’ve killed to feel peaceful. He paced around outside, waiting for his boyfriend despite not talking to him for a few days. The boy was terrified for his appointment. He felt weak.

Somehow, when Seungcheol pulled up, he felt a bit calmer. He climbed into the car and gave his boyfriend a small smile.

“Hi.”

“Hey, kiddo. You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon lied. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

As Seungcheol drove, the younger couldn’t help but stare. His dark hair was pushed back and his black t-shirt displayed his muscles. Jihoon looked at his own bony arms and decided the surfer was being selfish.

 

  
Before they walked in, Seungcheol grabbed Jihoon’s hand. Jihoon was quiet as they waited for his name to be called. When it was, Seungcheol gave him a quick kiss and squeezed his hand. “Good luck.”

“I’ll need it,” Jihoon muttered, as he left the room.

Seungcheol breathed a sigh of relief. Jihoon had been calmer than he’d expected. He slid his phone out of his pocket and opened his book, ready to enter Hogwarts.

His boyfriend looked blank as they walked out to the car an hour or so later. He was oddly relaxed, his nerves from earlier completely disappeared. Seungcheol was beginning to think it was the calm before the storm, as it so often was with Jihoon. He blinked expectantly.

“Well?” He asked. “How was it?”

“I’ve got another appointment soon,” Jihoon said. “She said we’ll discuss treatments and see how I am. But I’ve probably got depression.” His voice was monotone.

“So it went okay!” Seungcheol beamed. “I’m proud of you. You aren’t weak in the slightest, my love.” The boy only nodded. It seemed like he was in another world.

 

The appointment had gone as well as any first appointment could. But now Jihoon was stuck in a self-evaluating bubble. The psychologist had suggested he go to an alcohol support group and whilst he knew it was a good idea, it freaked him out a little. Admitting his problem to Wonwoo and Mingyu had been bad enough, but strangers would be an entirely different challenge.

When Seungcheol dropped Jihoon off, he followed him into his flat. The younger was grateful, he didn’t really want to be alone.

“Why are you coming?” He asked. “I’m not complaining, though.”

“You’re away with the fairies. I figured you could do with some company,” the surfer shrugged. Jihoon smiled at him and stood on the tips of his toes to give him a kiss. He hated the height difference sometimes.

Jihoon wasn’t planning on dinner, but now that Seungcheol was here he started to search his cupboards. They were empty of anything they could have for dinner. The boy normally didn’t have meals - just snacks. His boyfriend watched in amusement.

“Should we order a pizza?” He suggested.

“Yeah. I’ll pay,” Jihoon said.

“Absolutely not,” Seungcheol said firmly.

“Half and half?” Jihoon suggested, smiling up at Seungcheol.

Seungcheol thought about for a moment before agreeing and returning Jihoon’s smile. He liked paying for things because he always felt like Jihoon deserved a treat - or because he was having a rough time. The poor soul always seemed to be having a rough time. A rough life, in general, appeared to be his speciality, as far as Seungcheol knew.

“Did you have a good childhood?” He questioned suddenly.

Jihoon gave him an odd look. “Not really. Why?”

Seungcheol frowned. Curiosity was brewing, ready to kill the cat. “How come?”

“Why?” Jihoon pressed, eyebrows furrowed.

He watched his boyfriend sigh. “You just seem to have a pretty shit life, that’s all,”

Jihoon hummed. He opened up his laptop and googled the pizza place’s number. “It’s getting better.”

Thirty minutes later Seungcheol was still dying of curiosity. He had finished his food and was now watching Jihoon on his third slice. Neither of them was sure if Seungcheol ate quickly or if Jihoon ate slowly. It was most likely a bit of both.

 

Although Seungcheol sometimes struggled to understand Jihoon fully, Jihoon could read Seungcheol like an open book. He knew Seungcheol wanted to know more about his life so he was debating between telling him and bathing in his harmless torture.

“I was bullied as a kid,” he explained suddenly. Seungcheol started, clearly having not expected a response. “I was short, and a little chubby. And I read comic books at breaktime, only because I didn’t have any friends. If I read it looked like I was choosing to be by myself. It made me a bigger target in the end.”

When he was younger, comics had been a whole other world. It sounded cliche but it was an escape. It still was. Recently, when he needed a distraction, he turned to comic books rather than alcohol. All of his comics now sat at the bottom of a few drawers. They were buried beneath t-shirts and jeans. Some were barely held together, with others merely worn. At school, they’d been taken from him, thrown them around, trod on them and thrown in puddles. His precious Thor could benefit from a replacement. The hero had always appealed to him because he was not only big and strong, a huge contrast to Jihoon both then and now, but he was the first comic he ever read, and the first escape he’d ever had.

As he grew up the Marvel love disappeared with music but he had always gone to see the films in recent years, revisiting his childhood obsession because it still made him happy. Several times he had gone to see it the day after it came out. If he’d enjoyed it enough he would have made plans to see it again with Jeonghan, acting as though he hadn’t seen it before. Seungcheol laughed as he told him this.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to see Infinity War with me, but now I feel like I’m barging in on your thing,” he said.

“You already have,” Jihoon chuckled. “I’d love to see it with you. And you should feel honoured, because even when we were engaged, I never let Soonyoung see a Marvel film with me.”

“How did you and Soonyoung meet? It was when you were kids, right?” Seungcheol asked. The story of how the two met had always intrigued him.

“He stood up for me at school,” Jihoon sighed. “We didn’t really speak for the first few weeks. He was the new kid, you see. We were playing baseball and normally the bowlers bowled badly on purpose with me to make me look bad. But he was kind. He smiled at me and checked I was ready, and it was the first time I did good.”

“I hate to say this, but cute.”

“Soonyoung was a sweetheart before he left for Japan,” Jihoon admitted. “When he did though, he told me he never loved me. Told me how he pitied me the whole time we were together. And now he’s back telling me he loves me and I can’t believe him. I don’t really know what he wants. All I know is I fucking hate him.”

“Well,” Seungcheol said, taking a slice of pizza from Jihoon’s plate, “either way he’s insane. Both in the traditional way, and in leaving. He should never have left you, he’s missed out. But then, if he didn’t let you go I wouldn’t know you, so cheers to him.” Jihoon laughed and nudged his glass against his boyfriend’s. He didn’t know how he got a boyfriend like Seungcheol. Half of him was still convinced that he was in the relationship because he felt bad for him.

 

Seungcheol’s phone buzzed. He glanced at the notification, before putting it face down with a little too much force. It was Soonyoung. He had started texting around this time every day. Each message pretty much said the same thing, that Seungcheol better watch out and Soonyoung was going to get Jihoon. Seungcheol wasn’t going to tell Jihoon about it, he hated to worry him.

It was Jihoon’s turn to be curious. “Who’s texting you?”

“Josh.”

“Really?” The younger’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief. “You look pretty worried.”

“Can’t find a good time to meet up, that’s all,” Seungcheol lied. Jihoon didn’t look convinced, but Seungcheol quickly changed the subject.

 

As Seungcheol left Jihoon’s, he caught a glimpse of someone outside. For a second he thought it was Soonyoung, but he blinked and whoever they were was gone. He shook his head, telling himself it was just his eyes playing tricks.

That night, Seungcheol missed the phone call from Jihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im seeing love simon on monday and everyone cried and i dont understand why?? ive read the book idk why its so emotional?? maybe bc a lot of ppl relate to the closety stuff simon goes through but im really really open abt being gay so i cant relate i dONt kNOw maybe ill cry too  
> also im sorry abt slower updates i was busy watching thor 67 times  
> thanks for commenting and kudos ily all hit up my ig 8xuminghao


	38. la la land

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> los angeles los angeles land  
> i wrote this whilst watching civil war and i kept having to restart the film bc i was so distracted  
> i also spilt water down myself so many times whilst writing this  
> and this has 3k words

His name was Seungcheol and he parked his car on the side of the road. As he climbed out, a mother walked by with her baby, who giggled and waved at Seungcheol with a smile. The surfer grinned and waved back before turning around to open the door. He was grateful for the elevator - twelve flights of stairs sounded like a nightmare for anyone, but he had just come back from the gym, too.

Jihoon’s flat was silent. It wasn’t particularly unusual, but recently the boy had been listening to music more often and Seungcheol could often hear it from outside. He unlocked the door and smiled when he saw Jihoon. The boy was sat cross legged on his bed, a comic on his lap. One page was ripped down the middle, but still readable. His boyfriend was heavily invested, stuck in a whole other world. He didn’t hear Seungcheol come in and turned the page with care.

“You alright, kiddo?” Seungcheol asked. Jihoon gave a start and finally looked up.

“Hm? Oh, yeah.”

“What comic is that?” His boyfriend questioned, scanning the room. The phone call from Jihoon was only to let him know that he’d left his book behind. A text came through not long after, where the boy informed him that his book was there and then called him a big stupid. Seungcheol sent a pouty selfie in response and now it was Jihoon’s home screen.

“It’s a Journey Into Mystery one,” Jihoon replied. ”Volume 1.”

Seungcheol nodded, taking his book from the coffee table. “Must be a valuable one?”

“I’m not selling it.”

“It doesn’t look like you can sell it,” Seungcheol said honestly. “It looks like it’s been in a few wars.”

Jihoon nodded with a sigh. He had cried the first time it was taken from him at school. There was a boy much bigger than Jihoon, who nearly tore a whole page out. The smaller boy had lost it then. He screamed and threw punches as hard as he could, taking advantage of his bony knuckles. A teacher had to pull Jihoon aside to calm him down. 

“Are you reading for fun or are you having a bad day?” His boyfriend sat down beside him and wrapped his arm around him. He remembered Jihoon saying that he normally only read comics when he was feeling down.

“Bad day. Stuff wasn’t going right and then I got angry and upset Dokyeom.”

Seungcheol pouted. He rubbed his arm comfortingly. “Don’t worry about it. You can apologise tomorrow, yeah? Oh, and on Saturday, we’re going to LA for the day.”

“Wow,” Jihoon said, “don’t ask me if I had plans or anything.”

“Do you?”

Jihoon huffed and told him no. Seungcheol laughed. A part of him wished Jihoon had an actual social life. He was like a hermit. It wasn’t a surprise that he was so pale.

“Is it okay if we stay at Josh’s on Saturday night?” Seungcheol asked him, then added sheepishly, “Jeonghan will be there.”

“Han and I aren’t enemies,” the boy stated, having sensed that Seungcheol was under this impression, “we text every now and then. So yeah, that’s fine.”

So early Saturday morning, Jihoon sat on his doorstep with two backpacks - one beside him, one on his back. The one he wore was the one he carried around for anything he bought, whilst the bag next to him held the things he needed for the night.

It was a long drive to Los Angeles and the traffic didn’t help. It was made more enjoyable by the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack playlist Seungcheol had on his phone - Jihoon didn’t know he needed his boyfriend singing Fleetwood Mac and Jackson 5 until then. The first time Seungcheol heard Jihoon sing was to George Harrison’s My Sweet Lord, and it was gorgeous. He could listen to his voice all day.

Their first stop was a huge house. Seungcheol rolled the car window down and stated his name to the speaker outside the iron gate. He just stated his name and the gates opened. Jihoon was amazed.

“What is this place?” He asked.

“Welcome to Joshua’s parents’ house.”

The house was more of a mansion. At the front, on the stone drive, there was a huge fountain. They drove around it and then parked in front of the huge white garage besides another black car. Seungcheol climbed out and immediately jogged around the car to open Jihoon’s door, and took his hand as he got out. They walked up the few front steps together hand in hand.

A butler answered the door not long after Seungcheol rang the doorbell. Jihoon stared up at him, mouth open. He had kind of thought butlers were only in movies and The Sims.

“What’s up, Alastair?” Seungcheol greeted him with a high five. Jihoon stifled a laugh. “Josh said we can stay here tonight.”

“Master Joshua did mention that, yes,” Alastair let them in, “you will find them in the main sitting room. May I take your bags to your room?” The couple handed the man their bags, but Jihoon kept his personal backpack on his shoulders. 

Seungcheol lead the way to the sitting room. Jihoon took his time walking, taking in every fancy ornament and every painting. He wouldn’t have been surprised if he saw one of Joshua in a posh chair and a tuxedo, his dyed hair gelled to one side.

The sitting room was pretty. There was only natural light that came from one large window which overlooked a swimming pool. One wall, decorated with wood textured wallpaper, contained the beige fireplace. A huge TV was mounted above it. Fancy lamps stood either side and a grandfather’s clock stood in the corner. Two large, grey sofas faced each other with a oak coffee table between. A fruit bowl and a bowl of doritos sat in the middle of it. Joshua and Jeonghan were lounging in each others arms on the largest sofa.

Seungcheol wolf whistled as he walked in, casually throwing his white shirt on top of a plaid blanket on top of the empty sofa, then tucked his sunglasses into his red and white striped tee. Jihoon had joked when they left that he looked like Where’s Wally. Jihoon went plain with his outfit; a black t-shirt tucked into black pants, and his converse had been replaced with vans.

“You two look wound up in each other,” Seungcheol smirked.

“You have a ghost, Cheol,” Joshua cooed. Jihoon went red. He was hiding behind his boyfriend, clinging onto his hand. He awkwardly stepped out.

“Hello,” he nodded. Jeonghan was staring at him. The man looked him up and down. 

“You look well,” he said. “Really well. Have you gained weight?” Jihoon nodded. Seungcheol started talking cheerfully about how the boy had gained five kilograms and even went to the gym with him.

The couple sat down opposite Jeonghan and Joshua. Jihoon found himself cuddling into Seungcheol’s side, nuzzling his cheek against his shoulder. Jeonghan smiled fondly. Jihoon seemed much happier than when they last saw each other. He appeared to take more care in how he looked; his hair had been brushed and styled into a side parting. He looked healthier, too. The boy was no longer scowling and looked a bit more blank instead. Best of all; there was light in his eyes.

“Oh, Hoon, did you go to the psychologist that Cheol booked?” Joshua asked. Jeonghan’s eyes widened and Jihoon ignored his stare.

“Yeah. I’m seeing her again on Monday to discuss treatments for depression and stuff,” Jihoon ran his fingers through his hair, then added, “and I’m going to an alcohol support group starting Wednesday.”

“What, so Seungcheol’s known you five minutes and you go get help when he tells you to?” Jeonghan said. The atmosphere turned a little cold. Jihoon awkwardly squirmed whilst he and Jeonghan’s boyfriends exchanged looks.

“Well, you never actually got me help,” Jihoon mumbled. “Seungcheol booked an appointment-”

“Never got you help?” Jeonghan raised his voice. Joshua placed his hand on his arm to try and calm him, but failed miserably. 

“You ignored my prob-”

“Because when I tried to talk about it, you bit my head off!” The man shouted. “I tried so hard, Jihoon, but you wouldn’t let anyone in. So I only made sure you ate because it’s the most you let me do, then have the nerve to say I never helped you? I’m the reason-”

“Yeah, yeah, the reason I’m alive, whatever.”

“Why are you so fucking ungrateful? I sacrificed so much for you, Jihoon-”

“I don’t want to fight,” Jihoon cut him off and stood up. Seungcheol tried to grab hold of his hand but their fingers only brushed against each other as the boy left the room. Despite Joshua calling out to leave him alone, Jeonghan followed.

The boy wasn’t sure where he was going, but he kept going. He didn’t want to face Jeonghan. The two clearly weren’t on the same page in their friendship. But the man was calling out his name. Jihoon only stopped when Jeonghan said he was sorry. He sighed. Then shook his head.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. I would be dead without you. Whether it was from jumping off of that bridge or starvation, I wouldn’t be here. I’ve always taken you for granted and that’s really fucking shit of me.”

Jeonghan nodded. “Yeah. It was. But we’re both in the wrong. I never got you help. I ignored your problems because I hated to believe that you had them. I did a shit job at looking out for you. You’re so much happier now when Seungcheol’s with you.”

“I don’t want things to be shit between us,” the younger confessed. He turned around and took a step closer to the man who was once his best friend. “I get that things won’t be the same between us after everything I’ve said to you. I’m sorry for being a selfish little shit. But I just want us to be on good terms. I thought we were okay, but I guess I was wrong.”

Jeonghan was quiet for several moments. He stared at his feet. At last his eyes met Jihoon’s.

“Things won’t be the same, you’re right,” he admitted, “you hurt me. But I don’t want everything to be cold, either. How about we just work it out on speaking terms, huh?”

Tears filled up in Jihoon’s eyes. His chest hurt. But he nodded.

At lunchtime, Seungcheol took Jihoon out into the city. They went to a pretty cafe which Jihoon knew Junhui would love. He took a quick picture as they walked inside to text to the man. It was an expensive place so the couple quickly agreed they would split the bill. Neither wanted to pay for the full bill by themselves, despite being able to afford it.

“This bowl of tomato soup is fifteen dollars,” Jihoon pointed out.

“Does it at least come with bread?” Seungcheol asked, scanning the menu.

“Brown bread,” the boy confirmed. “That just ruins it.” It started up a brief debate on what was better; white bread or brown bread. Jihoon started a bigger debate when he ordered the soup.

“That soup had better taste like heaven,” Seungcheol said. “And give me the bread so it isn’t wasted, you taste-budless baboon.”

His boyfriend raised his eyebrows. “A baboon?” Seungcheol argued that it was better than the time Jihoon called him a mediocre jelly bean.

Throughout the date, Seungcheol kept glancing over Jihoon’s shoulder. When Jihoon looked too he saw Jeonghan and Joshua, also on a lunch date. The boy sighed and focused on his overpriced soup.

Jihoon tried to make conversation with Seungcheol but he gave half-bothered replies. He was interested in Joshua’s date. 

“Is this entire thing so you can spy on Josh?” His boyfriend asked, stirring his soup with his spoon. Seungcheol hummed.

“He’s done it to me before,” he said. Jihoon’s eyes widened. “Not us! Nah, my last relationship. Although I could be putting a curse on his now. Mine ended with him cheating on me. Is Jeonghan the type to cheat?”

“Yeah, totally, can we go?” Jihoon huffed.

“Shit, he’s looking,” Seungcheol cursed. He picked up the drinks menu and hid behind it. 

“They know what we’re wearing today, dumbass,” Jihoon sighed. “I’m going to go to the toilet. I’ll be back in a minute.” Whilst Seungcheol was hiding, he went the opposite direction to the toilets and left the cafe instead.

Jihoon didn’t go very far. He had seen a Hot Topic store on the way so he walked to it and treated himself to a pop vinyl. He got a Captain America pool float as well, simply because nothing was stopping him. He didn’t even like swimming.

When he got back, Seungcheol was staring into space with a pout. He smiled when he saw his boyfriend walk back in. 

“You told me you’d only be a minute,” he said.

Jihoon shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d miss me.”

“Where did you go?”

“I treated myself,” he answered shortly. Seungcheol asked if he was mad at him. When the boy nodded he took hold of his hands.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’ll take you out for a fancy dinner to make up for it, yeah?” He promised. Jihoon agreed with a smile.

For the rest of their lunch Seungcheol made sure to focus more on Jihoon. He admired the new pop vinyl (Guardians of the Galaxy’s Gamora) and grinned at the pool float. They agreed to giving the ocean another go. The elder promised he wouldn’t let the boy drown.

Seungcheol managed to book a restaurant last minute for the couple’s dinner. None of the clothes they packed were suitable for somewhere fancy, so Joshua found some from his own wardrobe for them. Meanwhile, Jihoon was hovering outside the sitting room.

Jeonghan was relaxed on the sofa. His phone was in his hand, scrolling through memes on Instagram, whilst Jihoon was half hidden behind the door frame. He was trying to gather the courage to talk. The moment Jeonghan glanced up and noticed him a small smile appeared.

“What’s up, little dude?”

Jihoon had missed that.

“Can you do my makeup?” He requested. “You do my eyebrows better than I can.”

“Now?”

“Please.” 

Jeonghan stood up and walked out of the room, beckoning the boy to come with him. Jihoon followed him to the bathroom. He jumped up and sat on the counter so that he was almost eye level with his friend. Like the first time he had done his makeup, Jeonghan complained about the boy’s pale complexion. They chatted. It was like old times.

Almost.

One thing Jihoon admired about his boyfriend was his taste in restaurants. The one he had booked was up several storeys and they were seated by a window, meaning they had a city view. The place gave a strong romantic vibe.

Seungcheol snapped a photo of Jihoon. The setting sun gave the boy an angelic, orange glow that the surfer wanted to capture. They both wished Minghao was there - and that Jihoon had brought his camera.

They both ate well, even Jihoon. He was glad Joshua’s shirt was too big for him. Seungcheol felt like his buttons were about to pop - the shirt didn’t fit well to begin with. Despite being the same height, they couldn’t easily share tops. Joshua was quite skinny but the surfer was muscular.

When they got home, they immediately changed into their pajamas before joining their friends in the sitting room. Joshua was extremely interested in their date; he said it was payback for Seungcheol watching theirs, although he had laughed about it. 

Across the room, Seungcheol’s phone spun a little as it vibrated on the sideboard. Jihoon’s was next to it so he naturally thought it was his and got up to check the notification.

“Hoonie, that’s mine,” Seungcheol warned but it was too late; his phone was in the boy’s hands. The surfer gulped. He knew who was texting. 

A hot wave rippled through Jihoon’s body. His hands shook. Blood pounded in his ears. His heart thudded in his chest. His whole body began to shake with his hands and he stumbled back. Seungcheol caught him before he fell on the floor.

“Seungcheol, that’s Soonyoung,” Jihoon sobbed.

“I know, I know, it’s okay,” his boyfriend soothed him, turning the boy around to face him. He placed his hands on Jihoon’s arms.

“How the fuck is this okay?” The boy yelled. “How has he got your number?”

“It wasn’t me this time,” Jeonghan piped up sheepishly. Joshua gave him a look and shook his head.

“I don’t know, but it’s fine. He’s not hurting me.”

“He can get your location,” Jihoon pointed out. His breathing sped up. Seungcheol didn’t know what to do. Jihoon was shaking, crying, hyperventilating. It felt like he was looking through a fish lens.

His legs gave way and he collapsed on the floor in sobs. They racked his body. Jeonghan and Joshua watched, stunned. Seungcheol knelt down with him. He held him close and rocked him in his arms.

“Soonyoung can’t hurt me, Hoon,” he promised, “I’m big and strong. I can put up a fight.”

“He cut your stomach open!”

The boy had a point. “...I didn’t put up a fight that time. I was seeing what he was going to do-”

“That’s not helping him, Cheol,” Joshua interrupted, googling ways to calm someone down in a panic attack. “Breathe, Hoon, okay? In and out, slowly. Count to four with him, Seungcheol, apparently it helps.”

The surfer was willing to do anything that might help, so he counted to four, and Jihoon tried his best to breathe slowly, in and out, one, two, three, four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO I SAW LOVE SIMON and i cried. i teared up twice after it too. after saying i dont get whats so emotional. and my friend teared up too?? ive never seen her cry holy FUCK  
> i bought my fourth pop vinyl bc i totally forgot i have no room for them,, theyre genuinely on top of kpop albums i need a shelf  
> but then i do have luna lovegood thor valkyrie and hela guarding my kpop albums so dont touch them ok theyll be mad  
> oh and any like. event requests im not sure what to do next chapter so hit me up with ideas  
> thanks for commenting and reading ily all


	39. its spanish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the first time i dont know what to write here  
> enjoy the 2k words

His name was Jihoon and he squinted in the sun until he remembered his new sunglasses in his pocket. He still hated the beach, but he had a week off so he found himself watching Seungcheol surf.

It was almost Seungcheol’s birthday. That amazed Jihoon; they had been together for eleven months yet it felt like they met yesterday. He had no idea what to get him, either. He had a week to go. Seungcheol had spoilt him on his birthday and Jihoon wanted to do the same. The surfer deserved it.

The last few months had been okay, Soonyoung-wise. Seungcheol changed his number and the man hadn’t popped up again. They both stopped seeing him around. They never discussed that with each other, though. Each of them were sure it had only been them seeing Soonyoung. 

Besides Jihoon sat Mingyu. He was eating his sandwich and watching Seungcheol, too. He was on his lunch break.

“Seungcheol’s quite hot, isn’t he?” Mingyu said approvingly.

“You’re married,” Jihoon gave him a look. Mingyu just shrugged.

“I’m not coming up on him. Only stating facts. Oooh, that’s a big wave!” Mingyu started shouting out encouragements - as if Seungcheol needed it. He caught it with ease.

Today Jihoon had brought his camera. Using Minghao’s advice, he had purchased a new lens and had chosen to try it out. He flicked it onto sports mode and put his camera up to his eye. Mingyu watched him press the shutter, capturing photo after photo of his boyfriend in the water. The pictures caught the glow of Seungcheol’s golden skin, the water trickling down his face, the sun dancing his eyes. It was a good lens, needless to say.

Seungcheol knew Jihoon was taking pictures. It made him nervous so he ditched the tricks he usually performed, too afraid to fall off of his board despite his ten years of experience. He spent a good few minutes sitting on his surfboard. He bumped over the waves and dipped his board through them with expertise. The surfer smiled because he saw Jihoon focusing on him.

He climbed out of the water with his board under his arm, water drops rolling down his skin. Gently, he bopped Jihoon on the head with it. The boy scowled playfully.

“Hey kiddo, hey Gyu,” Seungcheol greeted. 

“What’s up, surfer boy?” Mingyu said, voice muffled due to the sandwich bite in his mouth.

“Nothing much. How’s married life?”

“Wonderful,” their friend replied, then casually added, “we’re adopting a baby soon.”

Jihoon’s eyebrows shot up. Seungcheol’s jaw dropped. The couple stared at the man in amazement. Mingyu was positively glowing.

“As you do,” Jihoon said.

“Yep, just throw that in there,” Seungcheol added. “You’ve been through all the papers and everything? Without telling anyone?”

“Pretty much,” Mingyu confirmed. “We’ve been on the waiting list for so long that we were beginning to go insane.”

The trio were quiet for a little while, not too sure what to say. Seungcheol congratulated him, followed by Jihoon. It was a shock; Mingyu never kept things to himself. He had even told everyone about their engagement the evening Wonwoo proposed. Nothing was a secret with Kim Mingyu - he was an open book.

“Do you get a receipt when you adopt kids?” Jihoon asked, completely serious. Mingyu choked on his lunch.

“I think you get paperwork and an adoption certificate, maybe?” Seungcheol said with a laugh.

“So, you do,” Jihoon nodded. “Can you return the kid?”

“I hope you never adopt,” Mingyu said. The three all laughed.

Shortly after announcing his news, Mingyu returned to work at the shop. That left Jihoon and Seungcheol, snuggled up to each other’s side, watching kids build sandcastles and the waves crush them.

“Do you ever want kids?” Jihoon questioned casually.

“Four. Three boys and a youngest girl,” his boyfriend smiled. Jihoon was surprised.

“That’s a lot. I’d like two. One of each.”

“But no marriage?”

The younger looked up at him. “You don’t need marriage to have kids. Not in this economy.” Seungcheol snorted.

The couple walked into the surf shop to drop off Seungcheol’s board. It was easier for him to leave it at the shop than his studio apartment. They took their time to his flat, holding hands and swinging them as they walked. It had been eleven months and Jihoon still couldn’t get enough of the feeling of Seungcheol’s soft hand in his.

“I love you,” he said randomly.

“I love you too,” his boyfriend stopped to give him a kiss, and they continued.

It had taken Jihoon a little while to be fully comfortable with being romantic in public. He was used to Korea - being romantic in public when you were gay got you a few comments, and they were more often negative than not. That was what Jihoon had always been used to. Eventually, Seungcheol helped him realise that in the busy streets of Malibu, no one even noticed.

“I need to get Princess some new toys,” the surfer decided as they walked into his apartment, “it’s nearly her birthday; a week after mine.”

“I guess I’ll have to get her something,” Jihoon stated.

Seungcheol kissed his cat on her head before making drinks. He looked at Jihoon and said teasingly, “Have you bought my present yet?”

A look of guilt flashed in Jihoon’s eyes. He had never been more interested in his boyfriend’s pop vinyl collection. He picked up Black Widow and admired each side of her whilst Seungcheol laughed.

“You don’t need to get me anything, kiddo.”

“No,” Jihoon said, maybe a little too forcefully. “I do. I really do. You do so, so much for me and your birthday’s a good time to treat you back. And you spoiled me on mine. You deserve it so much more than I do.”

“Oh, Hoon,” Seungcheol sighed, “why do you think so low of yourself?”

“Because I’ve been living with myself for twenty-five and a half years,” Jihoon said, “I know me better than anyone else. I know how shit I am.”

“Shh,” Seungcheol hushed him by popping a cookie in his mouth. The boy removed it almost immediately. “Don’t talk shit about yourself, it can really fuck you up. Talk to your therapist about it, though. But seriously, please don’t worry about my birthday-”

“I’m worrying, Seungcheol!” Jihoon exclaimed. In his distress, his fists clenched and he accidentally crushed Black Widow’s box. He cursed. “I’ll replace that for your birthday.”

“And that’s all you’ll do,” Seungcheol firmly insisted.

“Absolutely not!”

Seungcheol gave up and focused on the pop vinyl instead. He took it from Jihoon, breathed in deeply, and took the figure out of the box. He poked her head. It bobbled side to side. Then he handed it to Jihoon and told him to keep it on his desk at work. The boy sighed and put it in his bag.

“Oh, your hands are bleeding,” Seungcheol noted. 

Jihoon looked at them. He was right. He guessed it was from the plastic of the pop vinyl’s box. His boyfriend went to the bathroom, reappearing with band-aids. Jihoon let him nurse him and pouted.

“Did you know Los Angeles is sometimes nicknamed La La Land? Is that actually a thing? I’ve never heard someone call it that.” The boy rambled, trying to make conversation. Seungcheol smiled.

“It is occasionally, yeah. The film’s set in a fake Los Angeles.”

“It’s a good film,” Jihoon said. Seungcheol nodded in agreement. “John Legend’s in it.”

Seungcheol dropped the box of band-aids and looked at Jihoon in surprise. “What? Where?”

“He plays Keith, you big stupid,” his boyfriend laughed. He knelt down and helped the surfer put the bandages back in their box.

They lounged around the rest of the day, and Jihoon walked home as the sun set. It was just becoming quite dark as he reached his building and he ran inside like a reverse vampire.

Jihoon contemplated calling Joshua for help with Seungcheol’s birthday. In the end, he decided he wanted to do it all himself. Sure, he might regret that later, but he would’ve tried.

That evening Jihoon pulled out his sketchbook and pencils and sat down at his coffee table. It was awkward and a little squished, and he really wished he had an actual table. He sketched anyways, drawing a street that looked like it was in a small Spanish (or Greek) village.

Jihoon liked art. He was useless with paints. It came out too watery, or too dry, or it wouldn’t blend. But he could do landscapes and was good with a colour pencil, and that was enough for him. He liked drawing as a kid. He copied what he saw in his comic books and eventually grew a knack for it. It was another thing Jihoon had as a hobby but given up when he went to university.

A lot of his people looked weird now. He struggled with anatomy and attempting symmetrical jawlines were the death of him. It made him a little sad; all those years spent practising and developing his own style had almost gone to waste. But he was picking it up again, and he practised whenever he had spare time. Landscapes were becoming a favourite because all Jihoon had to do was copy shapes as well as blend and fade colours, and that was easy enough. He may have forgotten how to draw a body but he could still remember little tricks.

It was like Jihoon was becoming a person again. For four years he had been nothing. All he was was a man with a mediocre job who consumed far too much alcohol. Now he was _someone _. He had hobbies, he had friends who he went out with occasionally, and he even had a boyfriend. Junhui wouldn’t recognise this Jihoon. It was someone different to he knew.__

__Amidst all his thoughts, Jihoon accidentally coloured a leaf in blue. He sighed, erasing it as best as he could. He took a moment to admire his art so far._ _

__“Probably a Spanish village,” he mumbled. Then his eyes widened._ _

__

__“Why are your feet jogging?” Dokyeom asked. He made Jihoon jump and he spilt his juice on his leg. “Also where did the ginger figure come from?”_ _

__“That’s Black Widow, you uncultured swine,” Jihoon said. Dokyeom flicked her head. She fell over._ _

__“Bit of an odd name.”_ _

__“Natasha Romanoff,” Jihoon sighed._ _

__Dokyeom seemed content for a little while. The man reminded Jihoon of Junhui - he was staring and blinking, edging closer. It was just a little bit creepy._ _

__“Eight months ago you promised to set me up on a date,” he said eventually. “I’m feeling very lonely and very single. I’m beginning to doubt that you actually have neighbours. I feel like you live in the middle of a forest in a cabin, like a hermit.”_ _

__Jihoon nearly smiled. “I genuinely forgot I promised you that. Also, I live in a flat, I have too many neighbours. Are you free Tuesday night?”_ _

__Dokyeom grinned. “Yes! Is your neighbour cute? Definitely male, right? Because I’m gay.”_ _

__“He’s very male and very gay,” Jihoon confirmed with a small laugh._ _

__At that moment, Wonwoo walked past. He looked like he was away with the fairies. Jihoon failed to notice that, jumped up and followed him, gathering up the courage to talk._ _

__“Wonwoo,” he called out. The man nearly jumped out of his skin and then smiled._ _

__“Hey, what’s up?”_ _

__“Does, uh,” Jihoon’s mind went blank, “Seungcheol, does he… would he...how… how does he feel about Spain?”_ _

__That went well._ _

__“Um,” Wonwoo chuckled, “he thinks it’s Spanish? I don’t know.”_ _

__“He thinks it’s Spanish?” It took Jihoon a moment to realise that was an odd thing for either of them to say. He went red. “Would he like to go there?”_ _

__“Oooh!” The elder exclaimed with a shine in his eyes. “Romantic getaway! He’ll love it, Hoon. Do it.”_ _

__Jihoon spent a lot of money that night. He booked flights and a villa, a one bedroom place with a balcony, sea view and its own pool. Jihoon decided he loved Minghao. The man had recommended the village and after a facetime call, he had found the holiday villa for them. He was excited. It was a good birthday present for Seungcheol, he decided. A nice, fourteen day holiday. He surprised himself by booking time off for his boyfriend himself. He hadn’t expected it to work._ _

__To round it all off, Jihoon ordered a Black Widow pop vinyl from Amazon._ _

__“I’m such a good boyfriend,” the boy told himself happily. “I’ve got this relationship stuff nailed.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i watched la la land and i loved it so much!!! there were no major bumps or plot twists until the end thanks jesus
> 
> anyways so this chapters 2k words, the last was 3k,,, do u guys prefer longer chapters but slightly slower updates or shorter chapters and quick, nearly daily updates??? idk
> 
> thanks for comments and 4k hits and kudos ily all


	40. old as shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 40 what the FUCK  
> anyways let the barely proof read chapter commence

His name was Seungcheol and he woke up to Jihoon sat on his stomach. He was gently shaking him by the shoulders and singing his name.

“What?” The surfer said groggily, rubbing his eyes.

“It’s your birthday!” Jihoon exclaimed. The boy was acting like a toddler; he seemed a little giddy with excitement. “You’re twenty-seven. That’s so old!”

“Thanks, Hoonie,” Seungcheol laughed. “Just remember that you’ll be twenty-six in three months before you call me old, yeah?”

The surfer took his boyfriend’s hand and pulled him onto the bed. They repositioned so that Jihoon was snuggled into his side. The boy played with Seungcheol’s hair then kissed his cheek.

“I’d cook you breakfast, but I test ran that the other day and it didn’t go well,” Jihoon said. Seungcheol chuckled.

“That’s okay, sweetheart.”

“How about we go out for breakfast?” The boy suggested. Seungcheol hummed.

“I’d rather laze around with you,” he admitted. After several minutes of Jihoon checking he was sure, he agreed and lay back down. It felt a bit weird - he was already dressed.

They remained snuggled up for about half an hour. Eventually, Seungcheol got up and sat on the sofa to open gifts. Jihoon perched his rear beside him and Princess curled up on his lap. Jihoon wished she wouldn’t. He hated cats, but he didn’t want to tell Seungcheol; it would break his heart.

Seungcheol opened Jihoon’s presents last. He put it off because he saw how eager, yet nervous the boy was to see his reaction. He spent a good minute watching his new dancing water speakers bounce to Shape Of You.

“Cheollie,” Jihoon whined. Seungcheol smiled. The boy’s nervous face was adorable to him. His mouth was slightly agape and his eyes were widened ever so slightly. He looked like a puppy.

“Okay, okay,” Seungcheol laughed and picked up the three unopened presents. He was gentle with these ones. He carefully ripped off the tape and unfolded the striped paper.

As promised, one was a new Black Widow pop vinyl. The next was a dark box, and when he opened it, it revealed a beautiful, shiny black watch. Seungcheol stared at in awe. Jihoon smiled when he quickly secured it to his wrist. 

The final gift was a simple wooden box with a metal latch. His boyfriend shyly urged him to open it so open it he did. Inside was a gorgeous drawing, placed into a white frame. Jihoon’s signature was in the bottom left corner. It was of a pretty street with flowers and white walls, green windows and red roofs. Placed gently on top of the frame, secured with blu tac, was the reference picture. Minghao’s watermark was at the top. The photograph was cut out like a Polaroid. In sharpie, two dates were written.

“I’m taking you to Spain for two weeks,” Jihoon explained softly. “We’re staying in a villa with a pool. We leave on Monday. I’ve already phoned your boss so you don’t need to-”

Seungcheol shut him up with a kiss. He held him tight, smothering him whilst the boy laughed.

“How did you afford this?” He asked. “Did you save up?”

“I take it that you thought I was poor,” Jihoon laughed.

The surfer turned red. “No! No, I just, I th-thought that, uh…you know, Spain...it’s expensive! Are you not?”

“No,” his boyfriend chuckled. “I’m good in terms of money and that’s all you need to know.”

Seungcheol had arranged to meet with Wonwoo and Mingyu at lunch to go surfing. Jihoon lathered the man in sunscreen, originally just his face and back, but Seungcheol didn’t make any movement to take over. Jihoon continued, softly massaging his caramel skin, slightly slower across his stomach. His fingers traced the scar that Soonyoung had given him and he felt full of regret. Luckily, Seungcheol didn’t notice - Jihoon let him believe that he was in awe over his abs.

Every time Jihoon saw Seungcheol shirtless, he felt guilty. His eyes were drawn to the pale line that ran across his stomach. It made his own stomach hurt. He thought about it far too much, asked far too many questions, far too often. Seungcheol didn’t know, though.

The surfer was less lucky with Jihoon when it came to helping him to put on sunscreen. His bones stuck out and felt like they were about to pierce through Seungcheol’s skin. Although the boy had gained weight since they first met, rubbing sunscreen across his ribs still felt like he was putting it on some iron bars. It almost hurt.

“I can feel every part of your spine,” Seungcheol sighed as he massaged Jihoon’s pale skin.

“That’s rather ominous,” the boy commented. 

“Please gain more weight.”

“I’m trying, but I’ll try harder,” Jihoon promised. Seungcheol smiled.

“And you need to take your meds.”

Jihoon sighed. He was shocking at remembering his antidepressants. Seungcheol had made him set reminders on his phone but somehow, it never worked. Some mornings the surfer simply texted to remind him.

It was a hot day, so Seungcheol and Jihoon walked down to the beach. Although Seoul was warm, it was nothing compared to Malibu. Jihoon felt like having a cold shower by the time they got to Mingyu and Wonwoo and he was growing steadily insecure of how sweaty his palm was. 

Before stepping onto the sand, Jihoon took off his shoes. He let his toes sink into the hot sand. It hurt. He had never more regretted wearing vans in his life.

Seungcheol was cheerfully chatting to Mingyu and Wonwoo about his day so far. He mentioned how Jihoon woke him up so the boy went into his own zone, singing Hooked On A Feeling in his head.

“Mallorca, then, Hoon?” Wonwoo said, clearly impressed when Seungcheol boasted about his gift from his boyfriend. “I wouldn’t expect that from you. You’re quite…”

“Boring!” Mingyu piped up. His husband hit his arm.

“No, like...lowkey,” Wonwoo decided. Jihoon understood. No one expected him to bother with anything. They were normally right. 

As usual, Jihoon sat on his own with a blanket on the sand. He watched his friends surf as he often did in his spare time. He looked quite artsy - his dark hair was perfectly ruffled, his makeup looked good and he was sipping cola in a glass bottle out of a straw. The boy’s usual white skin was glowing caramel. The sun acted as a natural highlighter.

The California heat was beginning to get to Jihoon. If it wasn’t for Seungcheol, he’d have moved to Scotland for the snow by now. Or maybe Canada; he struggled to understand the Scottish accent.

In the end, Jihoon stood with his feet in the water. He hadn’t even been in a pool since he nearly drowned on his holiday. The boy was once fine with pools but now he dreaded going in any water at all unless it was, of course, a bath or a shower. But it was hot. The ocean was cold. So he waded in a little further. Jihoon became glad he wore his swim shorts.

“Hoon, what are you doing?” Seungcheol called out. Jihoon could only just hear him. “You okay?”

“I have City of Stars stuck in my head,” Jihoon yelled back. Seungcheol tilted his head in confusion.

“If you want to swim, we’ll put our boards away and swim around with you,” the birthday boy offered. Jihoon thought about it. Then nodded.

The four of them played around for a good hour. It took a while for Jihoon to get any further than knee deep but his friends helped him feel comfortable and encouraged him to tread water. If Seungcheol hadn’t been there Jihoon wouldn’t have even walked within a meter of the ocean.

For dinner, the boy had booked the fanciest restaurant he knew. It was expensive; overpriced by far. Jihoon didn’t care. Seungcheol deserved a treat, especially on his birthday. It was a nice outing despite their argument.

“Thor’s the god of thunder,” Jihoon explained to him, “but his hammer produces lightning.”

“There’s thunder as well!” Was Seungcheol’s argument. His boyfriend looked exasperated.

“There’s no way of telling in the comics,” he sighed, “so that’s a Schrodinger’s cat situation. But in the films, I assure you there is no thunder. He has no control over thunder. Even in Norse mythology…”

It went on for twenty minutes. Seungcheol pouted for the next five because Jihoon won. After all, he was the Thor expert between them. His reading history included most Thor comics and a book on Norse gods. Seungcheol had no chance.

The evening turned romantic when they got home. It erupted in sparks, and lead to events that would cause someone to believe Jihoon wasn’t asexual after all. Seungcheol enjoyed it, at least.

“So I suppose tomorrow’s packing for Spain, then?” Seungcheol said as they cuddled in bed afterwards.

“I didn’t want to tell you so last minute,” Jihoon chuckled, “but it’s your fault for having your birthday two days before we leave.”

“Sorry for being born.”

Jihoon laughed and kissed him. “I’m glad you were. Happy birthday, my love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> infinity war comes out. in less than a week. my faves are all going to die. goodbye steve. goodbye loki. goodbye tony. I SWEAR TO GOD IF THEY ACTUALLY KILL OFF STEVE OR LOKI IM GOING TO EXPLODE  
> im so fucking sorry for not updating for a week which is centuries compared to how quick i normally am,, ive had writers block and i was so clueless as to what to write for DAYS but theres upcoming fluff!!!! which might also take a while bc fillers can be difficult  
> thanks for reading ily all


	41. this boy is on fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while. shits rly gone down in the mcu huh

His name was Choi Seungcheol and he arrived in Spain looking like a model. Jihoon had been afraid that his Hawaiian shirt would look dad-like, but it was tucked into black skinny jeans and he looked absolutely incredible. Jihoon was breathless, so he stared out of the window in the cab rather than his boyfriend.

Before long, they had arrived at the villa. Seungcheol’s jaw dropped. It was gorgeous: all cream and stone with a red tiled roof and steps leading to the front door. Plants grew around it, some in pots, some not. It looked like it had been taken from a movie. Jihoon puffed his chest out in pride.

“You did good, kiddo!” Seungcheol exclaimed. His boyfriend beamed.

The couple went to their room first to leave their luggage. It was a good size, with a big white double bed. Jihoon would have to literally climb into it, he knew. A little potted plant sat on each bedside table and larger ones stood in the corners of the room. There was a dressing table pressed against the wall. There was also a balcony which you could enter through a glass door. It overlooked the garden as well as the ocean. The ocean was a little way below due to the villa being located on a hill.

The garden was gorgeous. It had a pale patio with two recliners with an umbrella between the two. A beautiful blue pool was the sun’s dance floor and it took up most of the garden. But then it was a moderate sized pool in a not-so-big garden.

“We’re here for two weeks!” Seungcheol squealed with a clap. He had already changed into his navy blue swim shorts and Jihoon watched as he dived into the pool. The younger was squinting in the blinding sun.

“This was a horrible decision,” he announced, “I’m already in flames.”

“Get in, then,” his boyfriend smiled. 

Jihoon dipped his toe in and jumped back in shock. It was freezing. He walked gently down the steps, allowing his body to adjust to the temperature, before joining his boyfriend in the centre of the pool.

Their first and second day was spent in the garden. Jihoon found peace on a lilo and slept in the sun whilst Seungcheol found amusement in pushing the boy ever so slightly. He giggled as the sleeping Jihoon glided across the water and bumped against the pool’s edge.

On the third day, Seungcheol woke Jihoon up bright and early (in Jihoon’s book, anyways - it was 11am) for some sightseeing. It was difficult to get the boy showered and out the door, but eventually they managed it. All was well until they realised Jihoon forgot to take his meds. So back they turned and then back again, Seungcheol bouncing along the road and his boyfriend approximately seven miles behind in a zombie mode of sleep.

“Why did we need a jacket?” Jihoon questioned. “It’s hot.”

“We’re going in caves, Jihoon,” Seungcheol answered. Jihoon sighed. But he didn’t complain; they were there for a good time. The boy had also let the surfer decide what to do that day. If it was up to Jihoon they wouldn’t leave the bed.

“I’m going to live in one. I’ll become a goblin.”

Seungcheol laughed and wrapped his arm around his waist. “But there’s a lot of water and you hate the water.”

“Au contraire,” his boyfriend said, “I swam on your birthda- shit, are we swimming in caves?”

“We’ll be in boats, my love.”

Jihoon nodded, satisfied. He wasn’t sure if he was satisfied with the boats or being called ‘my love’. He felt warm inside but it was different to the heat of Spain. The boy smiled. His cheeks went pink and he laced his fingers with Seungcheol’s.

“Vamos a las cuevas del drach!” The man exclaimed, swinging his hand with Jihoon’s.

“I don’t speak Spanish.”

“Me neither,” Seungcheol admitted, “it’s what Josh said when I told him we were going to the dragon caves. I feel like he used google translate.”

They had lunch in a pretty cafe and then hired a cab. The dragon caves was a tour, half of it walking and half of it boat rides. Jihoon loved them. They glowed beautifully and perfectly lit up their faces. The top of the caves seemed to have stone-like icicles.

"About the jackets," Jihoon tied his around his waist, "What the fuck, Cheol? It's warm!"

There were a lot of paths that the tourists couldn’t use. Jihoon felt like a toddler - it took all of his strength to stop himself from running away. He was curious. He wanted to know what was down there. Maybe there were goblins afterall.

“My family are just up there,” Jihoon told his boyfriend, pointing to a certain path that headed upwards and into the abyss. “I miss them.”

“Your goblin family?” Seungcheol played along.

“Yes. My mother and my father and my brother and my cousins…”

His boyfriend was laughing. “I didn’t know you were Spanish.”

“Oui- wait, ci!”

They drained their phone batteries with photos of the caves as well as each other, until they got onto the boats. They weren’t allowed to take pictures on them, so Jihoon cuddled into his boyfriend and enjoyed the moment instead.

Over the next few days the couple decided to be true tourists and visited as many places as they could. Seungcheol’s Instagram was full of pictures of he and Jihoon (but mainly Jihoon) around cathedrals, castles and even hiking. Jihoon made his own Instagram just for photos of Seungcheol. He also got a phone call from Jeonghan screeching about how “it was about goddamn time, Hoon”.

He hadn’t heard from Jeonghan in weeks. It was nice to speak to his old friend, even if it was just a short phone call. They had gotten over the coldness between them through texts, little by little. They were more or less on good terms now, but contacted nowhere near as often as they once did. Jihoon chose not to dwell on it.

Before they knew it a week had flown by. Both boys’ skin were stained a deep caramel from the hot Spanish sun. The hot nights became manageable by the beauty of air conditioning, meaning Jihoon continuously slept like a log after the exhaustion of each day.

One night, at 1 in the morning, the boy was woken by Seungcheol’s screaming. He sat up abruptly, switching the light on and protectively placing his hand on Seungcheol’s shoulder. The surfer was staring at his phone.

“Are you alright? Is it Soonyoung?” Jihoon immediately asked.

“Mingyu and Wonwoo sent me a picture of their baby!” His boyfriend screeched in response. Jihoon was quickly blinded by the brightness of the phone screen in the dark. 

“That baby’s the fucking sun,” he mumbled. 

“My best friends are parents,” Seungcheol exclaimed, “to the most beautiful baby girl _ever! _Holy shit, I feel old…”__

__Jihoon felt relieved that nothing was wrong, but he didn’t see why the surfer had to scream about it. He texted Wonwoo a quick congratulations and thanked him for making Seungcheol wake him up, then buried beneath the covers and tried to sleep again. It took a few minutes for his boyfriend to settle down and cuddle up to him._ _

__“I feel like I’m getting on a bit,” Seungcheol said quietly._ _

__“Hm? Why?”_ _

__The man sighed. “I’m twenty-seven. My friends are married with a kid and I’m in my first relationship since I was twenty-one. It makes me feel a bit shit, you know? They got it so easy.” Jihoon knew. He always felt like others had it easy. “To be honest with you, Hoon, I’ve always wanted to be married before I reached twenty-eight. With that plan, I’ve got just under a year. I love you and you don’t even want to get married…”_ _

__Jihoon stayed silent. A million thoughts went through his head. He considered every way his life could turn out, and then he spoke up._ _

__“I think...I think I would like to get married. One day.”_ _

__Seungcheol smiled and kissed Jihoon’s bare shoulder. “And when do you want kids?”_ _

__His boyfriend thought about it, humming as he did so. “Maybe when I’m thirty? Or later.”_ _

__Seungcheol didn’t say any more. He simply nestled his head into the nape of Jihoon’s neck until the boy had fallen fast asleep. The surfer then snuck downstairs with his phone to talk to Wonwoo about his new daughter._ _

__It scared him that his two best friends were married, and now had a child. He felt left behind. The power couple had been together since just before Seungcheol had even moved to America. Joshua was popular with both boys and girls, and luckily for him, he was bisexual. Seungcheol had seen him through several relationships and watched Mingyu and Wonwoo fall deeper in love each day. All the while Seungcheol only had a few other boys like him, most of which he didn’t feel the same for. It was tiring. It was exhausting._ _

__Maybe that was why he had fallen so quickly for Jihoon. It was like he had fallen over a cliff’s edge. When he first saw the boy, his heart had skipped a beat or two. He was resting, but looking absolutely gorgeous at the same time. Not even his adopted scowl could put the surfer off of him. He cringed a little at their first meeting, but then again, he had been in a state of panic when Jihoon woke up. “I thought you were a kid” was the first thing that popped into his head and Seungcheol hadn’t even thought about it. Jihoon laughed at the scenario now so to the surfer, that’s all that mattered. And Seungcheol had gotten the lovely boyfriend he had always longed for._ _

__Joshua wasn’t the biggest fan of Jihoon. He had a sense of loyalty to Jeonghan; although he claimed he didn’t. The man felt like Jihoon was rude and selfish, grumpy and cold. Seungcheol didn’t see how this was fair. That was how Jeonghan knew him. Jihoon had never acted that way to Seungcheol: the boy constantly paid for him, made sure he was okay, and tried to make his bad days better. Surely, if Jihoon was nice to Seungcheol himself, that was all that mattered?_ _

__Their last day, like their first, was spent in the pool. Jihoon was now comfortable in the deep end, happily treading water without thinking about it. The couple splashed each other constantly, laughing and screaming._ _

__“This isn’t fair!” Jihoon yelled, swimming away, “you have bigger hands! This is too much water.”_ _

__“I also swim faster,” his boyfriend taunted with a laugh. Jihoon screeched his head off when he felt water trickle down his back for the millionth time in the last few minutes. The boy swam to the edge of the pool and now he was cornered. He turned around and stared at his boyfriend._ _

__He realised that in that moment, he was the happiest he had ever been. He had no worries. No fears. He had forgotten everything except for Seungcheol. Seungcheol was all he cared about, all he loved, all he knew then and there. Butterflies inhabited his insides. He felt warm._ _

__“Marry me,” Jihoon blurted out._ _

__Seungcheol froze. He stared at the boy in shock and his heart viciously thudded._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Did you seriously just say ‘what’?” His boyfriend asked with a shy chuckle._ _

__Seungcheol’s face was unreadable and his voice was quiet as he confirmed, “did you say what I thought you said?” Jihoon timidly nodded. He felt relieved when the surfer adopted a goofy grin._ _

__“I’ll answer when you buy me a ring and give me a speech.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i havent updated in so long bc i was busy crying over infinity war  
> im going to share my thoughts abt it but keep it spoiler free ok? ok.  
> i spent the last 15 mins of it crying, didnt stop until halfway through the credits, and it was actually a masterpiece that broke me  
> dm me if u dont have anyone to talk to abt it btw!!! i say my ig a lot so u probably lready know it but have the reminder: 8xuminghao


	42. i am groot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe i predicted hoon being a marvel nerd  
> i got his fave character wrong but its groot and thors -POSSIBLE IW SPOILER- an honorary guardian so close enough  
> HIS LOCKSCREEN IS GROOT AND HE DID WAKANDA FOREVER I LOVE HIM  
> also i shit u not i went and found his groot lockscreen and now i have the same one  
> and i may or may not have procrastinated this by playing roblox watching infinity war twice and jamming to one direction

His name was Seungcheol and he had never hung around in the surf shack for so long. Mingyu was buying a new wetsuit and Seungcheol was dying to talk to him. It was the first time he’d seen him since he got back from Spain. The new father had been too busy to text.

Eagerly, Seungcheol followed his friend out of the shop. He jumped energetically to his side and the poor man nearly jumped out of his skin.

“How’s family life?” Seungcheol questioned. “Does your baby cry a lot? How old is she? You never told me her name - you haven’t told me _anything _! Why are you even out, I thought kids kept you busy. Do you have the husband’s permission?”__

__“Little El’s sleeping, and so is Wonwoo,” Mingyu explained with a fond smile, “so I sneaked out. Also, one question at a time.”_ _

__Seungcheol squealed. It earned them a few weird looks. “El? What’s that short for? Eleanor? Ella? Eleven? Has your Stranger Things obsession gone too far?”_ _

__“Her name’s Ellie,” the father answered, “Ellie Jinmyung Jeon-Kim. Because we chose to let her suffer with a mouthful of a name.”_ _

__“Ellie like Ellie from that video game?”_ _

__Mingyu paused. Then he sighed loudly. “Knowing Wonwoo, probably. I didn’t think of it.”_ _

__Seungcheol laughed at him and asked several more questions about baby Ellie. His friend pretended to be exasperated by it all, but really he could talk about his daughter all day. He had never been so happy._ _

__“Her nursery’s still a boring cream colour,” Mingyu said with a sigh, “we haven’t had any time to paint it. We want it with like, clouds and stuff? Like a light purple with white clouds. A purple Toy Story. We might have to hire a decorator...”_ _

__“Hoon’s a good artist,” Seungcheol informed him, “and he has far too much spare time. He’ll also do it for free, I’m sure.”_ _

__His friend’s eyes lit up. “Would he mind? Wonwoo won’t let him go unpaid.”_ _

__“I genuinely don’t think Hoonie minds anything these days. He just plods along and does whatever.”_ _

__Mingyu started laughing. Seungcheol didn’t understand so his friend spluttered something about Jihoon being whipped. The surfer blushed but really, he was secretly pleased._ _

__After walking halfway to his friend’s house, he cut off at Jihoon’s street. It was a pretty street - it had beautiful white houses lining up the hill, each with nice drives and flowers. It was a pleasant walk, despite it being a hill. It was gradual and didn’t make Seungcheol’s thighs burn. It twisted and turned and then all off a sudden, you were looking at several apartment blocks. The surfer realised for the first time that it did certainly look expensive._ _

__It amazed Seungcheol that Jihoon was richer than he let on. His old, worn converse that he paired with every outfit gave off the poorer impression, like he couldn’t even afford decent shoes. Maybe that was the plan. To make him look a bit better when he was drowning his sorrows with alcohol. To make it seem like it wasn’t that he wasn’t caring for himself, he just couldn’t afford much. The reality was that Jihoon struggled when he was on his own. He needed company and someone there, somewhere, to remind him to care for himself. Although the boy was getting better at taking his meds without a reminder._ _

__The improvement Jihoon had made over the last year made Seungcheol proud. Just a year ago, he was in a city he hated and depressed, forgetting his problems by nearly giving himself alcohol poisoning. He was skinny with each of his ribs poking out. He wore the same thing each day. He relied on someone else. But now Jihoon had gained weight and had a beautiful flush to his now plumper cheeks. His permanent glare had been replaced with a softer expression. He smiled and he laughed, he went out on dates with a boyfriend he adored and worked with people he liked in a city he loved. Even the boy’s wardrobe had improved._ _

__Jihoon was sat cross legged on his bed when Seungcheol opened the door. He was reading a comic book and occasionally taking a swig of the beer bottle in one hand._ _

__“Hey!” Seungcheol exclaimed. “What’s with the beer, hm?”_ _

__“Bad day.”_ _

__“I thought comics were the remedy,” his boyfriend shrugged off his backpack. He was trying not to come across as angry but his bag landed with such a loud thud that it threw off his act. He walked over and took the drink from Jihoon’s hand, then poured the remains down the sink. He checked the fridge for anymore and drained the three that stood there with a sigh._ _

__“I paid for those!” Jihoon protested._ _

__“Well, I’m not having you relapse. I’ve been nice enough about your relapses before.”_ _

__Jihoon remained quiet. Seungcheol was right._ _

__The man settled on the bed beside him and Jihoon nuzzled into his chest. Seungcheol’s hand massaged the boy’s rough skin; a small attempt at comfort._ _

__“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked._ _

__“No,” Jihoon shook his head, “I just feel shit today. No reason.”_ _

__He felt a little better when Seungcheol kissed his head. He managed a smile and took his hand, kissing the man’s smooth palm._ _

__Without trying, Seungcheol made Jihoon feel better. Even when they were in their low points, such as whenever Soonyoung got to them, even if Seungcheol was in danger, Jihoon felt a little safer in his presence. No matter what. He loved him._ _

__“You can paint, right?” Seungcheol questioned hopefully. He was trying to distract him._ _

__“I can’t really do shading.”_ _

__“Yeah, I just need you to paint some walls purple with some white clouds. For Mingyu and Wonwoo’s baby. On Saturday.”_ _

__“Cheollie,” his boyfriend whined, “I’ve booked a restaurant for a date on Saturday night.”_ _

__Seungcheol’s eyes lit up. He loved dates. Jihoon often organised them without saying anything until the day. “We’ll be back by then.”_ _

__Jihoon thought it over. Then he nodded. “Yeah, okay. As long as you help me.”_ _

__Saturday came around as all Saturdays do, and Jihoon went to a jewelry shop early in the morning. He was surprised to see Wonwoo there, too. The man was admiring silver bracelets in glass cases. Jihoon thought about greeting him but decided he wasn’t ready for small talk, so he walked straight to the rings instead._ _

__There was only a small array of engagement rings for men, but each one was beautiful. Some were simply engraved whilst others contained gems that shone even in the store’s light._ _

__“Hey, Hoon- whoa, engagement rings?” Wonwoo came over with wide eyes not long after he made his purchase. He looked at the display with the younger. “It’s that stage already?”_ _

__“What did you buy?” Jihoon quickly changed the subject. For some reason, talking about engagement with others scared him._ _

__Wonwoo smiled. “Anniversary gift. It’s for our eleventh anniversary since we became a couple.”_ _

__“Eleven years?” Jihoon raised his eyebrows. “Jeez.”_ _

__His friend agreed and the two grew quiet. Wonwoo fiddled with his fingers before speaking again. He was scared to upset Jihoon._ _

__“You cut off the engagement talk too quickly,” he commented, feeling like he was on a suicide mission. “Are you sure you want to propose? I know Seungcheol’s eager for marriage but you can’t let it guilt you into proposal.”_ _

__Jihoon didn’t answer. At least, not for a little while. Wonwoo watched his face carefully. He saw thoughts flashing in Jihoons eyes, like lights flickering on and off._ _

__“I think it's what I want.”_ _

__“Well, you need to be certain,” His friend advised. “If you aren’t, you’ll only end up hurting both yourself and Cheol. I’ll see you later, Hoonio.”_ _

__Jihoon stood still for the next couple of minutes. He bit his lip. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Seungcheol. Hurting himself was fine - he had done so for four years straight. But Seungcheol? Jihoon would never forgive himself. Wonwoo was right. He had to be sure that marriage was what he wanted for himself, not just his boyfriend._ _

__Seungcheol picked Jihoon up later and they got to their friends’ by twelve. Baby Ellie was adorable, but Jihoon didn’t really trust himself with babies, despite having held Seungcheol’s niece before. Instead, he took pictures of the surfer with the infant, cooing and giggling, bouncing her on his hip and even dancing with her._ _

__“So baby purple toy story?” Jihoon said as he took his boyfriend upstairs to the nursery, “baby purple and white clouds?”_ _

__“Lilac,” Seungcheol butted in._ _

__“What?”_ _

__“It isn’t baby purple, it’s lilac,” his boyfriend explained. Jihoon blinked. He thought it over then shook his head._ _

__“That’s too hard for me to say. So, baby purple?”_ _

__“Baby purple,” Wonwoo confirmed, much to Seungcheol’s exasperation._ _

__Peter Quill’s Awesome Mix 1 & 2 blasted whilst the couple got to work. It was on shuffle, so any of their favourites were unexpected. Seungcheol had to go over the ceiling with white because he got too excited when Hooked On A Feeling came on. He was forbidden to mention that Jihoon did the same with the skirting board because of Want You Back._ _

__Four hours later they had only managed a wall and a half. They blamed it on the edges of the walls, but Wonwoo could hear the pair singing. He pretended to believe them for the sake of their dignity._ _

__Wonwoo knew they had a date that night. He stared at Jihoon until he got his attention and smiled kindly for support. The boy took a sharp breath and smiled back._ _

__Jihoon had never been so nervous by the time six o’clock came around. The couple had gone to their own homes to get ready. Jihoon had meant to shower but in the end he doused himself in dry shampoo and cologne because he spent too long on his outfit and makeup. He had to look good._ _

__The boy couldn’t drive and he didn’t even have a car, so Seungcheol had to drive. Jihoon told him to go to the restaurant where they had their first date. They hadn’t been there since, but the younger knew Seungcheol still loved that restaurant._ _

__The man seemed clueless, despite Jihoon’s semi-proposal just a few weeks ago. It left it up to him to act normal. His nerves shone through but Seungcheol was stupid at the best of times and didn’t notice._ _

__The plan was to fall on one knee just after dessert, but he chickened out. They paid the bill and walked along the shore, so now Jihoon had to improvise. Where would he pop the question?_ _

__He stopped abruptly and looked out to sea. Seungcheol did the same. It was peaceful. The only sounds were the cars and distant chatter, on top of the gentle waves nudging against the sand._ _

__“Do you believe in mermaids?” Seungcheol asked._ _

__“I love you,” Jihoon blurted out, as though Seungcheol had never said a thing._ _

__“I love you too-”_ _

__“I am Groot,” Jihoon panicked. His hand was in his pocket, fiddling with the box containing the ring. Butterflies were kicking against his stomach and every second he hated himself more._ _

__“I’m dating a trilingual king,” his boyfriend said._ _

__“Seungcheol…” Jihoon breathed. “You turned my life around. You’ve been kind, you’ve been patient, you’ve cared for me and given me more love than I could ever deserve. I love you, Cheol. You...you brought light into my world. I was depressed and grumpy, and then I met you and I realised there truly is a point in life. I’d do anything to make you happy, because your happiness is what I desire most. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Choi Seungcheol…”_ _

__Jihoon knelt down on one knee, and swiftly pulled the box from his pocket. He opened it up. It was silver with a thin gold band running through the middle, and a beautiful diamond sat in the middle. It shone perfectly in the setting sun._ _

__“Will you marry me?”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seungcheols answer was "i am groot"


	43. banging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> carmen and i realised that ive never specified baby ellie to be human so shes the grinch now  
> also i havent updated for a while bc i got so stuck that i had to rewrite the whole thing  
> enjoy

His name was Jihoon and he sat on the empty beach with a book in his hands and his fiance by his side, lying with his head on Jihoon’s knee. He was reading to him; partially to improve his reading in English, but mostly because Seungcheol enjoyed being read to. Especially when little parts of the book were in German.

“‘Was ist los mit…. d-diesem Kind?’ Rosa Oo-Hyu-what?-Hubermann en…” Jihoon repeated slowly and Seungcheol grinned. He lifted his head and looked at the page. The boy’s finger sat beneath the word he was struggling on.

“Enquired,” he told him. “You know, sometimes you have better German pronunciation than some of your English,” he said.

Jihoon burned red and mumbled something about his mother speaking the language. It lead to some short confusion that Jihoon himself was part German - it was to Seungcheol’s disappointment that his mother just loved linguistics and taught some to her son. 

“I learn something new about you every day,” Seungcheol remarked. 

Jihoon tapped his head lightly. “Do you want me to read or not?” 

Seungcheol nodded, and shut his eyes.

The boy continued reading. His soft voice was lovely to listen to, despite stumbling over some words, pausing here and there, and atrocious mispronunciations (“Jihoon, sweetheart, since when is the first ‘u’ in illustrious pronounced as an e?”). It allowed Seungcheol to relax. He lay across the sand, a blanket beneath his back and his fiance’s leg beneath his head. This is it, Jihoon thought. This was his reward for surviving all those years at rock bottom. Happiness.

Jihoon looked back with colours. The brighter the colour, the happier the memory. The time he met Jeonghan was shown in a light filter in his mind, but over the years the time he met Soonyoung grew bleeker. The four years he spent drinking were black, like clouds in a thunderstorm. He couldn’t remember much, except for things at work; he didn’t like those, either. The boy was rude and snappy, inconsiderate and selfish. Recalling how he once was made him appreciate Junhui and Jeonghan more, for sticking by him when no one else would. But every moment he’d spent with Seungcheol was painted in a kaleidoscope of colour and happiness and golds and silvers. 

“Are you stuck?” Seungcheol asked.

“Huh?” Jihoon looked down to see one of Seungcheol’s eyes half open, and a half smile on his face. 

“You stopped,” his fiance pointed out. Jihoon had been lost in his thoughts. 

“Sorry,” the boy said, but he didn’t start again. He looked out at the waves instead, where Mingyu was making the ocean his road, his surfboard a car. He wondered how it felt to surf, to feel the wind properly in his hair and to understand which waves would carry you most efficiently. 

“What are you thinking about?” Seungcheol asked. He moved a strand of Jihoon’s hair that was flicking against the boy’s eye.

“Can you teach me to surf?” Jihoon requested. 

Seungcheol’s eyes nearly burst out of his sockets. “You wouldn’t even dip a toe in the ocean the other day, and now you’re telling me you want to surf?”

“Only if you teach me,” his fiance replied. “I only trust you.”

“Then I’ll teach you at some point,” Seungcheol kissed his cheek. 

He slipped his hand around Jihoon’s waist. The boy put his hand on top of his and Seungcheol couldn’t help but smile. There was now an engagement ring on Jihoon’s third finger - he wanted Jihoon to have one, too. One that was better than the one Soonyoung gave him, to replace it and him entirely. And it did. It was simply gold, and a small diamond in the centre. It matched with the one Seungcheol wore himself.

The surfer had wanted to propose properly, but it had fallen out of his pocket one night at dinner and Jihoon saw, so it ended up messy, but Jihoon didn’t stop smiling until the next morning. 

A few days after he gave Jihoon the ring, Seungcheol met up with Wonwoo and baby Ellie for coffee. Wonwoo had looked slightly nervous. It took a while to coax out what was bothering him. Now it was bothering the elder, too.

“Hoon?” Seungcheol piped up.

“Cheol.”

Seungcheol bit his lip before admitting, “Wonwoo told me what you said.”

Jihoon looked at him in confusion. He tried to think of what Wonwoo could’ve told him. He couldn’t even remember the last time he saw the man. Thoughts flickered but there weren’t any answers. “What did I say?”

“That you weren’t 100 percent sure that you wanted to marry me,” Seungcheol said. He couldn’t make eye contact with the boy. Jihoon froze. “Apparently you said that the morning before you proposed.”

His fiance was quiet. Then he shrugged. “I never said that. He must’ve misunderstood me. I promise you, sweetheart. I’m sure.”

Seungcheol nodded. His eyes followed Mingyu along the waves and he envied him. He was so happy, so carefree. 

“Alright.”

Jihoon felt a sharp pain in his chest. He looked at the man beside him, the man who deserved so much, so much happiness and so much love. He loved him. He really did. How could he not? But Jihoon couldn’t love him enough.

“I can’t give you what you deserve, Cheol,” he told him. Tears pricked his eyes and he furiously blinked them away. “You deserve the best and I feel bad. It isn’t—”

“Oh, shut up,” Seungcheol snapped. Jihoon thought he was angry, but then his fiance’s lips were on his own and he was pushed back with only his elbow to support him. His hand crept up Seungcheol’s shirt. The surfer’s was pushing back Jihoon’s hands. They were lucky the beach was deserted in the cooler September sun with the small exception of Mingyu in the water. Or so they thought.

“There are children nearby,” Wonwoo announced. “Mingyu’s right there, and I’ve got Ellie.” Sure enough, his baby girl was in her pram whilst her dad half lifted it across the sand.

Seungcheol jumped back like a cat spying a cucumber for the first time. He re-adjusted his white shirt whilst Jihoon smoothed over his hair. Then they both tried their best to smile innocently.

“Oh, hey!” Jihoon exclaimed, maybe a little too casually.

“Try not to fuck on a beach,” their friend said, sitting down beside them. His hand was still by the pram, reaching in to hold his daughter’s hand. It looked uncomfortable.

“I’m asexual, why would I ever?” The youngest of the adults asked. Wonwoo looked confused and mumbled something about that not being what Seungcheol told him.

“I didn’t say Jihoon feels sexual attraction to me!” Seungcheol defended himself far too loudly. “I said we...fondued.”

It was a bad moment for Mingyu to walk in, but alas, he came along with his surfboard beneath his arm, sand coating his feet and a very confused expression plastered on his face. 

The next half hour consisted mostly of Mingyu begging to understand to context of Jihoon’s sexual attraction to Seungcheol. No one told him, and when they left, Jihoon could hear Wonwoo and Mingyu still continuing the conversation, Wonwoo reaching into the pram to cover Ellie’s ears. 

Jihoon walked home, wanting some time to himself. He hadn’t had much of it recently - he and Seungcheol had seen each other daily, in a rush to plan their wedding. It was nice to just flop on his bed with nothing to do, no one to talk to, undisturbed. Content, an evening of bliss. 

His evening of bliss was interrupted by a small knock on the door. When he opened it, Seungkwan was stood there, still in his jacket and his backpack on one shoulder.

“Seungcheol’s fighting someone outside,” he said. Jihoon raised his eyebrows.

“Are you sure? Who pissed him off? He’s a gentle soul,” Jihoon said, and the easy tone in his voice clearly set off Seungkwan a little, who grabbed his arm and tugged a little. The boy grabbed his jacket and followed his neighbour downstairs and just outside the building. He was half expecting Seungkwan to have been wrong, and for anyone else to be outside fighting. This was not the case. 

It wasn’t a normal fight. Despite the mild air, Jihoon shivered. His heart beat rapidly as he stared at Seungcheol, his head held tightly by Soonyoung’s arm and a knife to his throat.

Soonyoung.

“Let him go, Soonyoung,” Jihoon ordered. 

“Why?” He asked plainly. He just blinked. “You took away what I love-”

Without hesitation, Jihoon spoke again. “You never loved me. You used me. You wanted my money because you realised that back then, I clung to anyone who put up with me.”

“No, darling—”

“Don’t you dare call me darling!” The younger snarled. In the silence that followed, he quickly looked over his shoulder. Seungkwan was still by the door. He looked considerably more frightened than he had a few minutes ago.

“Boo, go inside. You’ll be safe,” Jihoon said softly. Seungkwan didn’t move a single muscle, staring at Seungcheol in Soonyoung’s arm.

Soonyoung stood still, too. Seungcheol was squirming, trying his best to escape. He was stronger than the man who held him close, but if he was too abrupt, the knife would be in his neck.

“If you kill him,” Jihoon’s voice shook, “it won’t change a thing. All I’ll do is mourn him and use every last second of my life making sure you’re in prison. I won’t love you.”

“Okay,” Soonyoung said. He remained still for only a few seconds, but it felt like hours in slow motion. His hand dived from Seungcheol’s neck to his stomach, piercing the skin and organs. The surfer’s legs buckled beneath him and he cried out: it hurt Jihoon, too. “Prove it.” 

Jihoon screamed and ran forward. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks. He didn’t notice Soonyoung stepping aside.

“Leave it,” Jihoon murmured, trying to take his fiance’s hand away from the knife. It was too late - Seungcheol had taken it out. The younger shrugged off his jacket as quickly as he could, wrapping it around the man and applying pressure. “You’re meant to leave it in, Cheol.”

“Jihoon,” Seungcheol whispered. Tears rolled down his cheeks too. 

“It’s okay,” his fiance told him. “You’re going to be okay. Boo’s calling an ambulance, everything’s going to be alright…” Seungcheol weakly ran his thumb across Jihoon’s jawline.

“Move,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“Move,” Seungcheol repeated, louder. “I love you, Hoon. Move.”

With the last of his strength, he shoved Jihoon off of him. The boy fell on his side on the pavement just as the sound of a gunshot echoed through the air. Seungcheol’s body collapsed against the street light, blood running down his face. Jihoon screamed.

He didn’t stop. He screamed long and loud, into the darkness. He couldn’t hear anything beyond the ringing in his ears left by the bang of the gun. 

Seungcheol was not going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> id just like to say that all of you shouldve taken a closer look at the title


	44. the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> carmen and i were laughing at the comments on the last chapter its so amusing to watch people be sad at ur fic  
> also i couldnt be assed to proofread so this was proofread by carmen and her cat neko, neko is a talented boy

His name was Jihoon and each sound from the heart monitor rang through his ears and echoed around him. He held Seungcheol’s cold hand. Every glance at Seungcheol lying there, pale and immobile, entirely vulnerable, surrounded by machines and tubes added to him feeling like he would throw up. Every second felt worse, hurt more than the last.

It hurt to see Seungcheol’s once caramel skin so pale. His ruby lips were scarily white. If this was how Seungcheol had to die, this was not how he should be remembered. Jihoon kept dragging his eyes away, forcing himself to think instead of the past and how Seungcheol should be, tall and strong and smiling widely. But all these thoughts did was lead him right back to the moment that Jihoon’s hope shattered. 

It wasn’t right. Jihoon couldn’t stop wishing that his fiance had never pushed him away from the bullet, that he would be the one lying here waiting to die. Seungcheol deserved to live, have the wedding he wanted, start the family he longed for, and die old after a long, fulfilled life. Not like this. 

But he wouldn’t recover. Jihoon knew that. He could hope, he could pray, but he knew that Seungcheol was reaching the end of his life. He couldn’t survive this. The waiting hurt. 

“You’ve got to wake up, my love,” he said, he pled. “For me. Your brother, your niece, to watch she and baby Ellie grow up. For our wedding. Please, darling. Please.” 

He watched his fiance’s eyes, but his hope was gone. He took out The Book Thief from his bag, flicked to the folded page and began to read aloud, wanting to fill the room with anything other than the beating of Seungcheol’s dying heart. 

Jihoon read until his mouth was dry. It took a few chapters and included a few tears. He got stuttered and stumbled over each line, guessing pronunciations and sounding out long words. It had never been so difficult. He’d never had no help from Seungcheol. 

“The word...it’s initial.” 

Jihoon looked up. Seungcheol was staring back at him. Hope bloomed in Jihoon’s chest, and he reached down for Seungcheol’s hand, opening his mouth to speak. 

Before he could make a noise, the door creaked open and Jihoon snapped awake to see Seungkwan entering the room. Jihoon looked to Seungcheol to see his eyes were closed. Jihoon realised he had fallen asleep. It was just a dream. A cruel dream, awakening his hope and leaving him winded in its wake. 

“Hey, Boo,” he said softly, masking his sadness. 

“Hi,” he greeted. “I brought him grapes.” 

“Seungcheol hates grapes.” 

“He’s not going to eat them, is he?” Seungkwan leaned over Jihoon and put the fruit on the bedside table. “I’ve just gone food shopping and I felt bad coming empty handed so I thought grapes would be a good sacrifice.” 

Jihoon didn’t reply. He rubbed gentle circles in Seungcheol’s palm instead. He almost went to brush his hair back, but even if he could have reached past the bandages, his hair had been shaved. This simple thing broke Jihoon’s heart again. 

Several days had passed since Seungcheol had been shot. Each one was spent in agony and tears. Jihoon had barely eaten and had only slept by accident. His back ached from resting awkwardly in the harsh hospital chairs. He was indifferent to the ache. His mind was occupied with Seungcheol. His whole life was in this hospital room. 

The night with Soonyoung played on repeat when Jihoon was left alone. Rounds of gunshots echoed in his head, clashing with Seungcheol’s cry when the knife entered his abdomen. Jihoon remembered every little detail, every part of the night tattooed on the back of his eyelids. He didn’t want to remember any of it. 

“Boo,” he spoke up. Seungkwan hummed. “Why did you stay? When Soonyoung shot Cheol. I told you to go.” 

His neighbour was quiet for a while before explaining, “I couldn’t leave you like that. I wanted to do something, not sit safely inside whilst your lives were at stake. And I froze, anyways. I’m sorry, Hoon. I wanted to help-”

“You called the ambulance and the police,” Jihoon cut him off. “You did. Thank you.”

Seungkwan nodded. He still felt trapped in a sense of guilt. It would follow him for the rest of his life, not doing anything as he saw Soonyoung pull the trigger. 

Jihoon didn’t see Seungcheol the next day. He went home that evening, for the first time in three days, to shave and to shower. He was nervous. Tomorrow was Soonyoung’s trial. 

The boy didn’t stutter once. He was determined to get justice for Seungcheol. Soonyoung, however, was terrified. He fell over his words. It was Jihoon’s cold stare that scared him. It was the anger behind those dark eyes. Jihoon could barely remember loving the other man, couldn’t believe his leaving had plunged him into the state he had been in. 

Soonyoung plead guilty. He simply broke. The man looked over at his ex and started crying, admitting to intentional murder. Jihoon watched, uncaring, as Soonyoung fell apart on the stand. 

They spoke about Seungcheol like he was already dead. But if it meant a longer prison sentence, then that was okay. Jihoon still felt like fifteen years wasn’t enough. Fifteen years, in exchange for Seungcheol’s whole life, for Jihoon’s happiness. 

He told all of this to his fiance when he got to the hospital in the evening. Everything he could remember (which was most of it) spilled out of his mouth, starting calm and slow but building up like rapid fire.

“That bastard…” Jihoon swore, “he got away with his two previous attempts at killing you and Han. There wasn’t enough evidence...but that fucker deserves more time. I hate him so fucking much.” 

Seungcheol was listening. He wanted to comfort Jihoon, to tell him it was okay, but he couldn’t. He was trying so hard to open his eyes or simply move a finger, but nothing happened. Nothing at all. Seungcheol was trapped, and he could feel himself weakening. 

Another week passed. Jeonghan flew over from Korea, partly for Joshua, partly for Seungcheol, but mostly because he knew Jihoon would need support. When he sat down beside him in the hospital room, Jihoon said nothing. Instead, he rested his head on his best friend’s shoulder. Jeonghan rubbed his back comfortingly. It was enough.

“How are you holding up, little dude?” He asked. 

“Me?” Jihoon had barely thought about himself lately. Even at home, he had the quickest showers he possibly could and threw on any shirt and jeans, in a rush to see Seungcheol. 

“Yeah, you,” Jeonghan laughed lightly. “When did you last shower?”

“Couple days ago.”

“And when did you last eat?”

“Couple days ago.”

Jeonghan sighed. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked his friend up and down. The boy was pale. His greasy hair pointed in several directions and the circles beneath his eyes were so dark that it gave off the impression of having been punched. Tear stains ran down his cheeks. As poetic as it would be to say they were like tiger stripes, that they were a sign of Jihoon’s strength, they were not. They were the picture of torture and agony. They shone and maybe more fell or maybe they didn’t. Jihoon could no longer tell the difference.

“Look after yourself, Hoonie,” Jeonghan begged.

“After...after this,” Jihoon’s voice broke. He refused to look at his best friend. Instead, he stared at the tube that pierced Seungcheol’s hand. “Seungcheol’s my only worry right now. When this is over, I can think about myself.”

Jeonghan stared at him.

“Fuck’s sake, Jihoon,” he cursed, and then pulled the boy towards him. He engulfed him in a hug. Jihoon didn’t realise how much he needed it until then. He curled up in his best friend’s arms and violently sobbed.

Jihoon didn’t get the choice of staying that night. Jeonghan told Seungcheol not to worry, that he’d get the boy home, washed and fed, then proceeded to take Jihoon’s hand firmly and drag him out of the hospital.

Of course, the journalist was back the next day. He had skipped work, again. He didn’t think his boss knew why - but Wonwoo had explained everything. Jihoon remained oblivious as to how he hadn’t yet received a phone call telling him he was now unemployed.

He perched his rear once again on the chair, cold and plastic, beside Seungcheol’s bed. It was more painful that day. He looked at his fiance and he couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

“Choi Seungcheol, you can’t leave me,” he told him. “I was nothing before you and I’ll be nothing without you. What’s a world without you in it, Cheol? You are my world. You have to wake up. I want to marry you.

“I want us to have your dream wedding, the one you said you’ve wanted since you were little. You and me, dressed in white. Our best men in blue. Baby blue. And dark red roses in our top pockets. Fairy lights along the walls and…”

Jihoon took a minute to breathe. Deep breaths, in and out. One, two, three, four.

“Oh, Cheol, please,” he ran his thumb along his fiance’s jawline, like the man had done to him just moments before the bullet entered his head. “Wake up for me. I love you. You’ve got to wake up. Get better. Seungcheol, I’m begging you. I love you so much, Cheollie. Wake up…”

His pleas were interrupted by the heart monitor. One, single note sounded out. It tore through Jihoon’s ears, and his heart burned.

It took several doctors to haul Jihoon out of the room. He kicked and screamed, yelling out that this wasn’t happening, and still asking his fiance to wake up.

But he was never going to wake up.

His name was Seungcheol and his eyes once shone brighter than the stars. Jihoon could stare into them all day and he would never grow tired. Some mornings it really was all he would do. Seungcheol’s arm would be wrapped tightly around his small figure and the blanket would provide half of their warmth - the other half from each other. It was perfect.

Seungcheol would make breakfast because Jihoon’s cooking often turned out to be disastrous. Seungcheol cooked bacon better than perfection, with eggs and sausages on the side. Their mornings were often spent in light conversation, others in comfortable silence. It was soft and it was gentle. It was perfect.

His name was Seungcheol and he tore Jihoon apart. He wasn’t there anymore. Jihoon felt his absence everyday - in the screaming silence, in the skipped breakfasts, in the cold mornings and the freezing nights. Seungcheol’s absence burnt through Jihoon. Thoughts of him felt worse than cigarette burns all over his skin. He pretended he was fine and happy. Nothing was perfect.

His name was Kwon Soonyoung and he murdered two people: Choi Seungcheol and Lee Jihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just an epilogue to go my dudes and a lil,, deleted scenes/things i forgot if u want it?????  
> im so emotional for this to end its my child ive been writing it for nearly 4 months  
> thanks for all the lov and support and comments for this fic :')))


	45. epilogue

His name was Lee Jihoon and he tried to live.

The few months after Seungcheol’s death were spent in a haze. He didn’t cry - only the day he died - he was simply out of touch with the world. He even quit his job. He had hated being a journalist anyways. It turned out Junhui had been what kept him sane at that job in Seoul. 

The boy visited Seungcheol’s grave each week to decorate it with flowers, and trim the grass. Seungcheol had known so many people and so many had loved him that his grave was drowning in flowers for the first month. It almost made Jihoon smile.

Jeonghan moved to California, thirty minutes away from Malibu and thirty minutes away from Los Angeles. He didn’t look after Jihoon. Jihoon didn’t need it - he looked after himself, kept his flat tidy and himself sober. It was only because Seungcheol would’ve wanted him to, though.

Some days Jeonghan came down but just sat silently on the sofa and it was nice to have the company in Jihoon’s suddenly lonesome world. Just having his best friend there, a shoulder to cry on if needed, was enough.

He grew closer to Chan. The only thing they had in common was Marvel. It was nice for Chan to have someone to see the fourth Avengers with, and every other new MCU film. Of course, Jihoon only saw them for the second time with Chan. He booked tickets alone on each release day.

Seungcheol’s brother, Seungmin, arrived at Jihoon’s doorstep with a box of things. It included a few of Seungcheol’s sweaters, t-shirts, and even his pop vinyl collection. At the bottom were the keys to his car. Jihoon was glad he had recently learned to drive. He had driven the car before; it was how he got to the hospital each day. Once Seungcheol had died, though, he felt a bit guilty. Seungmin insisted his little brother would’ve wanted Jihoon to keep the car.

A year after Seungcheol’s death, Jihoon shyly called Minghao and asked to tag along on his travels. The photojournalist let him because he had always wanted some company. Jihoon needed the distraction, too. His abandoned Instagram became full of aesthetic pictures of places around the world, taken on the camera Minghao had bought him for his 26th. Of course the man had to teach him both photography tips and how to maintain an Instagram theme.

Jihoon got another boyfriend, but they were only together a few months. He broke it off because he felt nothing. Nothing at all.

He wasn’t miserable. But he wasn’t happy, either. He was empty; simply plodding along with Minghao. Jihoon didn’t care about anything that happened. Pretending wasn’t enough. It didn’t convince himself or his friends.

Jihoon didn’t get another job after travelling with Minghao for a year. Instead he spent his time meeting with Wonwoo and Mingyu, or even Jeonghan and Joshua. Either that or lazing around with Princess. 

Just three years after Seungcheol died, Jeonghan found Jihoon unconscious, resting on his bed. Except that he wasn’t resting. His best friend was dead. He had overdosed on pills and left a short note, addressed to Jeonghan, on his bedside table. The man cried as he read Jihoon’s final written words: “I’m sorry, Jeonghan. For everything.”

Jihoon had never known that he was all Jeonghan had besides Joshua. The months they didn’t talk because of their argument had been the loneliest months of Jeonghan’s life. So now he clung to Joshua like a leech, scared to lose him, scared to be completely and utterly alone. In the end, Josh introduced him to Wonwoo and Mingyu to help him start a proper social life.

Eventually, when he had learned to live without Jihoon, he and Joshua got married. They adopted two children: a girl they named Momo, followed by a boy they named Jihoon.

Jun and Minghao married, too. They moved back to China and adopted two girls who they loved with all their heart.

Wonwoo and Mingyu adopted a baby boy and named him after Seungcheol. Little Seungcheol and Ellie turned out to be all that kept their marriage together for a few years. The couple divorced just after Ellie’s fifth birthday.

Chan never married, but he was content with simply living with Seungcheol’s cat, Princess. He was the poor girl’s third owner, but her second favourite, her first being Seungcheol. She hated Jihoon as much as Jihoon had hated her.

His name was Soonyoung and his actions tore worlds apart. Serving fifteen years was not enough.

Soonyoung agreed with that. He killed himself not long after he was released.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe this fics come to an end!!!! thank u so much for ur support and comments theyve made me so happy  
> theres one more thing for this which is just a things i forgot/couldnt fit in?? which will include lil story points i forgot to add in or just couldnt find a place for, and background info on soonyoung bc why not  
> u can find me on ig to yell at me if u like its @8xuminghao  
> im working on another fic now called daunting moon, written with @wydryn,, its continued from a year ago so my chapters are bad but ill be updating it soon and my chapters will be hnws standard lmao  
> thanks for everything again :')))


	46. extras

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is:  
> \- stuff i forgot  
> \- stuff i just couldnt fit in  
> \- background info i thought abt but never came up

\- ok so vernon was meant to be a muCH BIGGer role i literally forgot abt him and i got to the end and i was like “o shit”

\- i couldnt fit in the explanations of soonyoung and vernon - vernons dad worked for the government??? so basically they could track ppl from their numbers and find their numbers anyways n he got cheols from the number he set up his ig with

\- chan. was also meant to be bigger but i forgot abt him too

\- i also planned some stuff for chan when i reached the end so i couldnt get it in: hes like rly close to cheol bc his brother died in a car crash and he didnt get along with his parents At All so cheol was all he had

\- hoon was buried next to cheol bc. poetic shit innit

\- when soon left when they were young they were living with han and han literally found hoon cryin and he was like “bruh” and saw soons room empty and he was like “b r u h” and then later on hoon came to hans room to tell him

\- gyu taught hoon to surf bc hes a p good surfer too

\- jihoon was scared of dogs

\- when cheol moved to america he didnt speak much english so he went to joshs after school and josh taught him (his mum supplied snacks ofc)

\- seungmins kinda on his own now other than his kid bc his girlfriend left (i honestly meant to have cheol mention that) n they fell out with his dad bc hes homophobic and seungmin stuck with cheol, but also he was rly shit after their mum died

\- i didnt forget abt joshs parents divorcing it just wasnt relevant, when they went to their parents house it was bc divorces doNt happen that quickly so just in case u thought i forgot i Did Not

\- boo n dokyeom got married and adopted like three kids i lov them happy boys

\- when i was writing the bit where soon shoots cheol all i could think of when i remembered boo in the back was just that vine like “can i get a waffle??? can i PLEASE get a waffle”

\- when they first met cheol meanie werent rly keen on cheol bc they found the language barrier rly awkward and hard to get around so they didnt rly hang out until cheol was better at english

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok thats actually it now im shocked  
> i love u all so so much


End file.
